The diocesan Office for Family Life is planning its first Conference for the Engaged (CFE) program for couples embarking on a second marriage. The conference is defined as "a special program targeting couples one or both of whom have received a declaration of nullity for a previous marriage and are free to marry," said Bob Laird, director of the office. "One is married only once in the Church, except upon the death of a spouse."

There will be two such conferences this year; the first will be May 31-June 1, and the second in October. Attendance will initially be limited to 36 couples, who will need to be referred through the priest or deacon preparing them for marriage.

Presenters will include a professional counselor, Bill Cummins, who will share his family and professional information; and two longtime married couples, who are in their second marriage, said Vaughn Treco, the diocesan manager of marriage preparation and enrichment. The presenting priest, Father David Whitstone, on staff at the diocesan tribunal, will speak on the theology of marriage and his pastoral experience.

These special CFEs have been on the diocesan agenda for several years, but have not been held previously because the office did not have sufficient staff, said Treco. "Within two weeks of being hired (last January), Father Mealey was calling me in to meet with him on this."

Oblate Father Mark Mealey is the diocesan judicial vicar, episcopal vicar for pastoral services and moderator of the curia.

The engaged couples must be "Catholics living faithfully within Church teaching," which includes not living together or having sexual relations, said Treco. He pointed out that it is crucial to reach these couples now because for subsequent marriages after the first, divorce rates rise each time.

"I want the best we can give these couples as a Church," Treco said.

Conference presenters will be unable to focus on what went wrong with the previous relationships since they are not one-on-one sessions, said Laird. What will be addressed are the "basics of the sacrament of matrimony and depicting it in understandable terms, such as the three goods of marriage: unity and indissolubility, fidelity, and openness to (new) life.

"In a society that portrays marriage as nothing more than a cooperative arrangement, more than ever couples need a profound understanding of the sacrament that they are about to receive," said Laird. "We, as a diocese, have a responsibility to follow Arlington Bishop Paul S. Loverde's motto, ‘To Encourage and Teach with Patience,’ and reach out to all engaged Catholics in the diocese providing them with the resources they need to best prepare for the sacrament of a lifetime."

"As a judge in the Tribunal and as a priest who also continues to assist couples preparing for marriage, I believe this type of ‘program’ is very much needed," said Father Whitestone. "In many cases a second marriage follows upon a declaration of nullity. It is important to understand why the first marriage not only ‘failed,’ but was in fact null from the beginning. Did the parties attempt to enter marriage with an insufficient or erroneous understanding of marriage? Did the couple realistically and adequately assess their personal and interpersonal strengths and weaknesses when making the decision to marry? Was the decision to marry made freely and with ‘good faith?’