A Call to Come Home

By Irene Lagan
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 2/20/03)

Jesus said, "Who among you, if he has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the 99 in the wasteland and follow the lost one until he finds it? And when he finds it, he puts it on his shoulders in jubilation. Once arrived home, he invites friends and neighbors in and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep. I tell you, there will likewise be more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner than over 99 righteous people who have no need to repent.’"

Pope John Paul II has said that the millennium would usher in a new springtime in the Church, a time when the Holy Spirit would breathe life anew into the hearts and minds of many, including those who have fallen away from the fold.

As Catholics, we are called to witness the Gospel in daily life by preaching in deed if not in word. Among those to whom we are called to evangelize by the witness of our faith are an unprecedented number of one-time Catholics who are alienated from the Church.

According to the Catholic Almanac, 22.5 percent of the total U.S. population are baptized Catholics, forming the largest religious denomination in the country. Yet, among the estimated 63.8 million people in the United States who identify themselves as Catholic, as many as 17 million are "inactive," "fallen away," "lapsed" or "alienated" from the Church, including some who say they are "recovering Catholics."

Fallen-away Catholics are people who have often apparently left the Church and who no longer participate in the sacraments. While some simply allow their faith to lapse for many and varied reasons such as lack of interest, others take a more active departure and abandon the practice of their Faith as a result of divorce and remarriage or because they have been hurt by a priest, sister or lay person who is representative of the Church.

Some seek to fill the void by pursuing secular interests, work, or other forms of religion or private spirituality. Yet many, if not most, retain a Catholic identity at a deeper level and yearn for a "home" where they can truly find peace of soul and be reconciled to God and others.

Many "reverts" who have come back to the Church, often after years of separation, have found their way back through invitations of friends and family, and through outreach efforts geared to alienated Catholics. Many who find their "home" in the Church, even in the midst of lingering questions, can often become instrumental in leading others who have strayed, back.

In the Arlington Diocese, several parishes offer a Come Home Program, an outreach to non-practicing Catholics who find themselves "out in the cold."

The Come Home effort began in 1987 as part of an overall ministry to alienated Catholics, whom the Franciscan Friars of the Holy Name Province in New York identified as a priority in their ministry. In 1991, Franciscan Friars extended the ministry to St. Francis of Assisi Parish in Triangle. Since that time, the Come Home program, which extends over a period of three weeks, has been offered twice yearly at the parish, and since 1996 has been offered at All Saints Parish in Manassas.

Come Home sessions are advertised in local and regional newspapers, church bulletins, and, at times, on the radio. The advertisements are simple invitations to those who are interested in the possibility of returning to the fold. Those who respond to the advertisement receive a personal letter, inviting them to an open meeting titled "The Church Is Listening." A small team, including a member of the clergy, welcomes "come homers" and encourages them to express freely their grievances with the Church and what caused them to leave.

"Sometimes you find a lot of anger, frustration and sadness," said Maryellen Merchant, director of the Come Home program at All Saints Parish. "Other times, you find ignorance of Church teaching, people who have been away since Vatican II and are not aware of changes that have been made. We had one woman return to the Church after 40 years." In one instance, Merchant said a young man had lingering childhood anger over the death of his grandmother.

"The beauty of this meeting is that we are simply there to listen, not to solve their problems, defend Church teaching or judge them in any way," Merchant said.

At the end of the first session, a member of the team, usually a priest, apologizes on behalf of the Church to those who have been hurt. Often, Merchant said, the burden of pain that people have been carrying is lifted by the hospitality and welcome extended to those who attend the meeting, and by the realization that their grief has been acknowledged and understood.

Anne Tunney, director of Social Outreach and the Come Home Program at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, said that many problems get resolved in the first session. "Often people simply need the assurance that the Church does care and does want them. For some, the invitation, hospitality and opportunity to vent are enough." While Tunney acknowledged that it can be difficult at times to refrain from offering advice or trying to solve problems, she said that hospitality and listening without being judgmental are key.

Others have more complex problems that require counseling. Increasingly, she said, divorce and marriage problems are the reasons cited for separation from the Church, and the reasons for coming back. Some Catholics who are divorced believe they are excluded from the Church, while others who remarry or who seek remarriage are unaware of the annulment process and want to learn about it.

The second session, "The Church has Changed and So Have You," focuses on meeting the needs of each person there by explaining how the Church has changed since Vatican II, and by clearing up common misconceptions, such as the erroneous belief that divorce excludes a person from receiving the Eucharist.

Father Robert Cilinski, pastor of All Saints Parish, said that the small group size that is typical of the Come Home program allows him to direct his teaching to the particular needs of each person.

"Jesus made it a high priority to reach out to outcasts and sinners, and to those most in need of God’s love and healing. All of us want to be known. Every person matters and every person’s story is precious. The Come Home Program becomes a life-changing event for people," he said. "The people who come have already been stirred deep within by the Holy Spirit, but there is a need for us to always be reaching out. The motto of the Come Home program is like the motto of the Jubilee year — ‘Open wide the door for Christ,’" he said.

John Mittino, a Come Home team member at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, said that he and his wife Florence were among the first participants in the program more than 10 years ago.

"We had attended a presentation on the program. When we heard about it, we were going to St. Francis of Assisi off and on, so I was not completely divorced from the Church. Come Home renewed my interest. I had been wondering about an annulment from my first marriage, and had started the process but lost interest after it was delayed."

Mittino added, "For me, it has been interesting to work with people who at least come back and inquire about the Church. The majority of people fall into two categories — those who believe the Church has abandoned them, and those who are in a limbo state regarding their marriages. Many people do not realize the Church will work with them if there is a marriage problem. When appropriate, they can seek an annulment. Some do not realize that if they are divorced and not remarried, they can receive communion. Others carry their childhood ideas of the Faith into adulthood."

The third session, "Where do we go from here?" affords participants the opportunity to decide how they wish to proceed. Merchant said, "We throw the ball back into their court, and ask what we can do to help them feel more comfortable as they make their return." The sacrament of reconciliation is made available and participants receive further information and direction about parish ministries that might be of interest. For many Come Homers, the bonds of community that are forged during the program are significant and lasting."

For Florence Mittino, another Come Home "graduate" who now serves on the team, said that the desire for the Eucharist and community eventually drew her back to the Church. "I had been away for a long time, and I came back kicking and screaming," she said. "But, when I finally decided this was the thing for me to do, I did it. I missed the Eucharist and I love the community. Community helps us grow. I am glad to see people come back instead of staying outside," she added.

"Jenny," another Come Home graduate, became a lector after completing the program. Like others who have gone through the program, Jenny finds that many questions and issues resulting from her pre-Vatican II Catholic upbringing have been resolved. While other questions remain, Jenny, who struggles with cancer, is at peace with God and is deeply grateful for the love and support of her Catholic community.

"I am very grateful. I went through the program a couple of times. What was kind of neat about it — what was important for me — is that we were allowed to talk about why we had drifted away. The Church is different now, and is much more responsive," Jenny said. "When I was a kid, priests were unapproachable on most topics. All that has changed. You can pretty much approach priests about anything."

To learn more about the Come Home Program at All Saints Parish, call Mary Ellen Merchant 703/368-4500. For the Come Home Program at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, contact Anne Tunney at 703/221-4044.  

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