NFP: God's Design for Marriage

By Fr. Erik Pohlmeier
Special to the Herald
(From the issue of 2/13/03)

The Church has always understood that marriage is the basic building block of society. With strong marriages come strong families and we all benefit. In our day we face a great struggle. The reality of divorce has shaken our understanding of what a good marriage is. With that reality we must be willing to reach out to those affected by divorce, but we must also increase our efforts to help couples and their children understand marriage as a part of God’s plan and recover the idea of marriage as sacred.

A basic fault is that many people see God as supporting marriage only in a vague and distant manner. He "blesses" marriage on the wedding day but the real work of it is up to the couple. The truth is that God has designed marriage from the beginning and his desire is to share his own life with the couple in a living and active way. Marriage is a sacrament, and therefore, is the source of grace for the couple, but they must draw from that source. The work of marriage is in co-operating with God and his design for the union of two people. When God’s design is followed it brings everything the couple hopes for in their life together. Since God created marriage it cannot work when his design is not followed.

God’s design for marriage is that a man and woman commit their lives to each other in a gift of self lived out in fidelity to the promise of their marriage vows. God takes that commitment and creates a bond that cannot be broken. With that bond the two become one and the reality of union is expressed in the act of marriage. Sexual intercourse is then intended to be the highest expression of the gift of self and it is here that God’s activity brings life to the marriage.

The greatest threat to marriage is selfishness and nowhere is the temptation greater than in the sexual relationship. However, when the act of marriage is a true giving of self it becomes the moment when God gives new life and strength to the bond of marriage. At times that life will be flesh and blood in the form of a new child, but every time God wants to give spiritual life to the marriage. He wants to make the bond stronger because the two have become one in a profound act of giving, a moment when the promise of marriage is renewed. God wants to be active in the most intimate moment.

There is no doubt that every couple wants the bond of marriage to be made stronger throughout life. Yet the reality is that many couples reject the work of God that will bring life to their marriage. Artificial contraception causes incredible damage to marriage because it goes directly against God’s design for the union of two people. God’s work in marriage is both procreative and unitive and the two can never be separated. Neither is possible without God. A child cannot be born unless God breathes life into the union of father and mother. The unity of marriage also depends on the work of God.

When the act of marriage is hindered by contraception, the couple takes away God’s power to create life if he chooses. If God is blocked from procreation he is also prevented from strengthening the bond of marriage, not because he is unable, but because he respects the will of the couple that chooses to live marriage without his grace. The hopes of marriage cannot be fulfilled without the grace of God and when the moment of union is not open to God it brings no life to the marriage, physical or spiritual.

Trust is essential to marriage but that trust extends also to God. He absolutely wants what is best for every couple, but to receive it demands that his design be followed. The Church remains consistent in her teaching against contraception for this reason. It is also with this understanding that the Church recommends Natural Family Planning as the way to remain open to God’s activity and make decisions about the size of the family. Without the space here to treat NFP in depth I encourage every couple to find that information from your parish or the diocese. Know that the openness you give to God will always result in the blessings you hope for.

Fr. Pohlmeier is a priest in the Diocese of Little Rock, Ark.

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