Stafford School Community Supports Military Families

By Irene Lagan
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 4/3/03)

STAFFORD — Seventh-grader Alex is soft-spoken and quiet, yet filled with emotion at the mention of his dad. Two weeks have passed since he last communicated with his father, a Marine sergeant stationed in the Gulf.

"I worry about him. School is too much with my dad gone," Alex said. "But I think it’s okay. He’s doing this for me and everyone else."

Alex attends St. William of York School in Stafford, where 15 percent of the families are military. The school is located a short distance from Quantico Marine Corps Base. Eight students at the school have a parent who has been deployed, while others anxiously wait to find out whether a parent or family member will be sent. St. Francis of Assisi School in Triangle, also located near Quantico, faces a similar situation with seven families who have been impacted directly and others expecting to be deployed.

Tony, Andrew and Jacob are second-graders whose fathers have been deployed. The younger children express a natural optimism and a concern for more practical matters, like less leisure time and extra chores.

"Sometimes my Dad sends me toys," Jacob said. "He sent my mom a crystal he found in a cave and now she has it in a frame so she can look at it."

Tony’s father is in the Air Force Reserves and has never been away from home for extended periods. His last phone call was three weeks ago.

"I sent my Dad a whole bunch of stuff," Tony said. "Now I have to do more work. I take the garbage out more, and I can only play video games on the weekends."

Andrew said he is "worried, but not so worried" about his father, who is stationed in Bahrain.

For many in the community, the sudden absence of a parent or spouse is experienced as a shock. In one instance, a mother who was in the Marine Corps Reserves was deployed within several days of being called up, leaving behind two small girls.

"That was a shock to all of us," said Sonja Vincenti, administrative assistant. "Morgan and Shenandoah’s mom was a full time mom, a volunteer in the school and a Girl Scout leader."

"I miss her. It’s been hard," said 10-year-old Morgan. "But everyone says they have been praying for her. I am looking forward to when she comes back. We are going to have one big party when everyone comes home. It will start on a Friday and last all weekend."

Kathy is the oldest of five children and Morgan’s classmate. Although her father has been away before, she said this time is "a little different." Like Morgan, she keeps busy with extra chores at home in addition to regular sports activities, Girl Scouts and sleepovers.

School Principal Claire Dougherty says there is a positive side to the situation.

The school community is a balm for those who are experiencing the sudden absence of a parent or other family member. Families in the school and parish community are more compassionate and loving, and the children at school are generally more patient, reflective, and demonstrate more kindness.

"This is a small community. We all know each other, and have a support network," Dougherty said. "People bring meals to each other and help out with carpools. When one parent has a need, others are there to support them."

Father Michael R. Duesterhaus, pastor of St. William of York and a Navy Reserve chaplain is tremendously helpful, she added. "He knows how to reach people because he also is in the military."

The children are aware of the war but do not talk about it, she said. When the war is mentioned, it is usually in the context of morning prayer when the school children offer their intentions. The names of those in the community who have been deployed are displayed in the front hallway as a reminder. In addition, the community is gathering items, such as toiletries, hard candies, blank cards and powdered drink mixes to send overseas along with a "holy bear" for each person deployed.

Families in the wider parish community are also affected. John and Barbara Gallagher have two sons in the military, both of whom have been deployed. John Gallagher, a retired Marine, served in Vietnam twice. His wife Barbara said it is more difficult to see her sons go to war.

"This is worse than when my husband went to Vietnam," she said. "It just seems harder to have children involved. Maybe that is because I was younger, or maybe it was because we didn’t get so much news.

"I find it hard to watch the protests," she added. "I understand people have the right to their own opinion, but it is still hard. I would hope that the American people would stand behind their soldiers no matter how they feel about the war."

Kelly McLean, also a Gallagher and a preschool teacher at St. William of York, said, "Work is the only place I don’t hear about what’s going on. I don’t have time to worry so much because I am occupied with a roomful of four-year-olds," she said. "Of course, it’s always in the back of my mind. We can talk occasionally with John, but we don’t know where Ryan is. It’s very scary."

A prayer board in the vestibule of the St. Francis of Assisi Church lists names of family members and friends who have been deployed. "It’s almost frightening to see how large the bulletin board has gotten," said Anne Tunney, director of outreach. "We’ve even had one of the women in our mother’s group who has been deployed and we have a prayer and support group that meets regularly."  

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