By Angela Pometto
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 2/12/04)

"But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’" (Mk 10:6-8).

One of the favorite marriage verses in the bible presents the deep theological truth that two become one. But what is deep and theological is also hard to live out. For example, before marriage, there are two people, two jobs, two incomes and two ways of spending that income. After marriage how do these two become one financially?

"You have to communicate about money, like everything else," said Dennis Akers. He and his wife Eileen have been married for 31 years and have been speakers at the Conference for the Engaged (CFE) for 18 years.

One of the first items to discuss is what kind of debt each person is bringing into the marriage. Either from college or credit cards, there can’t be any surprises.

The couple said that the average ages for couples marrying in the diocese are 27-28. By this point, most people have graduated from college and lived on their own several years.

They already have their financial "personality" established, which can cause problems when beginning married life.

"You need to call each other to task," Eileen said. While he could go to the hardware store and spend, she could do the same in the fabric store. It’s a balancing effect and both have to sacrifice.

It is very likely that, at the beginning, both the husband and wife are working. Couples should "learn to be dependent on one income," said Dennis. It is important to "save the second income for kids or a house." Since the Northern Virginia area is known to be a high income area, it is often difficult for two people to imagine living on only one income.

"Prioritize. Then make it happen," said Eileen. It is possible to live simply and give up some of the little pleasures in life to make the family and the marriage work financially.

On the technical side of budgeting, the Akers have several suggestions. Their family has special savings accounts for things like vacation or Christmas. Every month, they put some aside, and when the time comes to spend that money, they are limited to what they have saved.

Other CFE couples have used a similar method with envelopes. If saving up for a new TV or washing machine, they set a little aside in an envelope each week. When they’ve saved enough, they make the purchase.

"There’s nothing magic that works for every couple," said Dennis explaining that there are many options to consider.

Tithing should also be included in the budget each month.

"It’s giving the first fruits to the Lord," Eileen said. "Whether money or time or talents, it’s important to give back to the Lord. He is never out done in generosity."

But after the initial settling-down has taken place, couples should be reminded that the primary end of marriage is procreation and education of children. When discerning whether or not to have (or continue having) children, the Akers pointed to "Humanae Vitae" paragraph 10: "With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children … ."

"It is responsibility but also generosity," said Eileen. If God graces a couple with a child, He will also grace them with the means to provide for that child’s necessities.

"It’s all about making do," said Dennis who suggests that children don’t need all that society tells them they should have. They don’t need the Play Station and updated technology. They don’t need their own room or new clothes. "The greatest gift you can give your child is more siblings."

The Akers have six children. The oldest two have worked as missionaries, and the third has also been devoted to working in the Church.

"They are dependent on prayers and financial support of others," Dennis said. That’s the bottom line in financial matters. "Be dependent upon and trust in God’s will."