By Mary Frances McCarthy
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 2/12/04)

The most important wedding plans you can make have nothing to do with fancy gowns, multi-tiered cakes, gold rings or flowers.

How will you, as a married couple, tackle issues related to finances, raising a family and practicing your faith? How will you deal with disagreements?

To help couples preparing for marriage the Arlington Diocese offers the Conference for the Engaged (CFE) program, a component of the Marriage Preparation Program.

Last year over 24 weekends, the CFE program served 1,100 couples, 48 percent of whom are establishing inter-religious marriages. Attendance for CFE programs was up last year 11 percent over the previous year, according to the Office for Family Life.

CFE weekends are run by a priest who addresses the theology of marriage, aided by couples who deliver talks on topics such as marriage spirituality, marital love and communication, child-bearing and parenting, personal and family financial management, and growing together in marriage.

Father Christopher Buckner, undergraduate dean of the Catholic Distance University in Hamilton, has been helping couples prepare for marriage for more than 20 years. Through the Conferences for the Engaged (CFE), Father Buckner has helped couples throughout the diocese discern their call to married life, and enter marriage knowing better what Christ calls them to do in married life.

At the beginning of each conference, Father Buckner asks the group, "How many are here because you want to be here and how many are here because your priest told you that you had to?" While the majority usually raises their hands in response to the second question, Father Buckner says that is good because they are telling the truth, and acting in obedience to the teaching authority of the Church.

Couples excited about the prospect of sharing their lives may question why the preparation period for marriage is six months long. "I agree," Father Buckner said, "Six months is ridiculous. When I wanted to become a priest, they told me I had to go to school for 12 years. I think you should go at least three years. Marriage is a vocation, not a job or career."

A marriage is for life, "not just when it’s easy. When it’s hard Christ is with us," Father Buckner said. "The absolute love of Christ is when He embraced the cross. They stripped Him completely so nothing could get between Him and the smallest splinter of wood. Marriage sometimes will be like that."

Aside from the priest who gives the opening and closing talks, two married couples attend each conference, speaking and giving advice on marriage in the Catholic Church.

Bob and Bev Ward, parishioners at St. Raymond Parish in Fairfax Station, have been participating in CFE for more than 10 years. The couple will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year.

"One image that we’re trying to project is that marriage can work, particularly marriage based on the sacraments," Bob said. "With grace you can make it work."

"We still date and have a lot of love," Bev said. "There’s a mystery to each person. When you look at that person, you really are seeing the face of God."

Just as the Wards teach by example, they encourage the couples they talk with to do the same. "Their marriage can be like a candle in the dark world," Bob said. "They can bring the light of Christ to the world through their marriage and family."

CFE weekends are two-day events running Friday evening and most of Saturday. Registration forms and a list of dates are available at the Family Life Web site at www.arlingtondiocese.org or by calling 703/841-2550.