By Angie Pometto
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 2/5/04)

In February 1976 Dorothy Garrett as faced with the death of a loved one. She sent out the call and asked for volunteers to create a group that would offer support to others who have suffered similar losses. Seventy people responded, and the group began to form. By September of that year, Haven of Northern Virginia was formed and the Arlington Catholic HERALD was one of the first to profile Garrett and her newly formed organization.

"Although non-sectarian, our philosophy encompasses the feelings of people from a wide spectrum of beliefs, whose only desire is to help fellow human beings at a time in their lives when fear, anger and grief make it difficult for them to reach out to one another," said Garrett, a parishioner of St. Ambrose Church in Annandale.

Since the enthusiastic beginning, Haven has traveled a difficult road. The group first worked out of the former Annandale police station on McWhorter Place. This first house was soon to be sold, however, which left Haven in the market of finding a new place to setup headquarters to continue their work with the emotionally pained. In 1984, they were offered and accepted an old house in disrepair behind Hope Lutheran Church.

The house, a blemish in the scenery at best, was not quite ready for use, so the volunteers set to work. The final product, a cozy, welcoming house, is the result of their labor.

Besides obtaining and maintaining the house, there is also the problem of getting the word out to those who might need this resource.

"Haven is known to be one of the best kept secrets in Northern Virginia," said Peggy Cauley, executive director of Haven and member of Our Lady of Good Counsel Parish in Vienna. "Word of mouth is most effective," Cauley said, although they also advertise in The Washington Post, local papers, church bulletins and corporations.

Haven continues to serve the community by listening and loving all who walk through their door.

"Death is not going to go away," said Cauley. At some point, everyone will be affected by the death of a loved one. Haven is important to remember when that time comes.

The house is decently equipped, and the homelike atmosphere offers a level of comfort for clients. It has enough room for offices and working space for volunteers. The phone room is manned weekdays from 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and Wednesdays from 6:30 to 9 p.m. Along with answering calls, they are stocked with "Care Notes," literature on how to cope with different sorts of death. The library is filled with books about suicide, children loss, widow/widower and cancer deaths as well as basic psychology, religion and philosophy.

"It often helps to have something to read," said Debra Clark, associate director of public relations for Haven. "Neighbors and friends sometimes don’t know what to say or don’t want to offend."

The quiet room is reserved for one-on-one time with the clients. The bay windows and comfortable furnishings provide a non-threatening aura that is conducive to talking. Sessions tend to last from an hour to 90 minutes.

The living room is a larger room and is reserved for the support groups that meet. There are groups for general bereavement, suicide survivors and widow/widowers with anywhere from eight to 18 people in attendance at any given time.

"We are good at listening," said Clark. The volunteers come from all walks of life. A fair number of these volunteers are Catholic, but the program is proud of its interfaith status.

Although the volunteers are professionally trained in bereavement support, they do not consider themselves counselors.

There are about 50 volunteers on staff. Training consists of 30 required hours that delve into how to deal with grief. A big part of what makes Haven so special is the volunteers. "Many of them have suffered a death," said Cauley. "This makes them very empathetic with the client."

Garrett told the HERALD her advice for volunteering: "Do no more than you can give freely and do well." These wise words are still lived out at Haven, and the clients still feel the effect.

"Talking is what helps clients," said Cauley. "And training focuses on being a listener." Cauley explained that the only people they are unable to help are people who are not yet ready to be helped. "They can’t cope with the emotions yet," she said.

The upkeep of the house has been the work of donators who support the program. Now, they are looking to find new carpeting for the house. The current carpeting is 18 years old and beginning to show its age.

Haven is also hoping to expand and add a program for children. The group is investigating the different needs that children would present. They are also considering an on-site meeting or branching to an off-site location that is more suited to children.

For more information on Haven of Northern Virginia visit 4606 Ravensworth Rd., Annandale, call 703/941-7000 or go to www.havenofnova.org.