By Michael F. Flach
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 8/5/04)

The Diocesan Office for Family Life has initiated a program this summer that it hopes will reframe the abortion debate by changing the language in an attempt to reach women and men hurting from the impact of abortion.

"We have to stress forgiveness rather than condemnation," said Gerri Laird, director of education and research for the Family Life Office. "We need to meet them where they are, to meet them in their pain, just like Jesus did."

"This has been a long time in coming," said Robert E. Laird, diocesan family life director. "We need to change the message. People need to hear something different."

The Lairds were part of a luncheon program last week at the Dominican Retreat House in McLean. The program’s topic was "Reframing the Abortion Debate: Changing Language — Winning Hearts."

The pro-life message in the past has been about protecting the baby, said Bob. Half of America is pro-life, but most people don’t want to discuss the abortion issue because they consider it politically charged, boring and confrontational.

Bob said the outline for his office’s new approach is based on several components, including Pope John Paul II’s "Theology of the Body" as discussed in Father Richard Hogan’s book Covenant of Love and David Reardon’s new book Making Abortion Rare.

Bob said his goals for the program are to initiate a change in the language and to identify future pro-life strategies.

Gerri, founder and director of the diocese’s Project Rachel office, talked about post-abortion issues that affect both men and women.

"I had to relearn my experiences," said Gerri, who took over the leadership role in the Project Rachel office in 1995 at the request of the late Bishop John R. Keating. Her background was in marriage preparation, natural family planning teaching and counseling.

Most women are anti-abortion, she said. They know its wrong, but they want to be accepted and not judged. Laird quoted Denver Archbishop Chaput in identifying four problems in American culture: the inability to reason; the inability to remember; the inability to imagine and hope; and the inability to live real freedom.

Why do women have abortions, even when 70 percent feel it’s morally wrong, Laird asked. She discovered part of the answer when the Arlington Diocese took part in a radio ad campaign sponsored by the Knights of Columbus in 2000 that publicized the work of Project Rachel.

Gerri said women called her office after they heard the radio spot and said, "I didn’t know I could be forgiven. I didn’t know the Church cared."

The impact of abortion can be far reaching, she said. "Not only is the child destroyed, but the grieving mother incurs irreparable harm."

The woman’s circle of support is permanently affected, especially the woman’s father, who is most prone to "act out" on his anger and rage, Gerri said. "The Church and society are left to pickup the pieces."

Instead of becoming a "non-mother," the woman becomes the mother of a dead child, Gerri said. "Only the Church can offer real healing. This is our golden opportunity to make an impact on the culture."

Women who have abortions are told by their friends and family to "get over it" or they are asked "how could you do such a thing?"

Gerri noted that most abortions are coerced. She encouraged the audience to start using the term "unwanted abortion" to combat the pro-abortion lobby’s use of the term "unwanted pregnancy."

"It’s important to make the personal connection," she said. "We must listen to others’ experiences. We must validate their pain and give them back the gift of dignity."

Gerri said pro-lifers should follow the wise lead of Pope John Paul II who always uses positive language — compassion, hope, forgiveness and dignity — in his encyclicals and apostolic letters.

"Always use healing and forgiveness language at the beginning of your message," Laird said. Quoting a priest friend from Baltimore, she added, "The Church is not a hotel for saints. It’s a hospital for sinners."

Father Jack Fullen, a retired priest from the Baltimore Archdiocese, then spoke about his pastoral experiences in dealing with post-abortive women. Before entering the priesthood, Father Fullen was married for 24 years and had three children when his wife, Sandy, died in 1986.

He developed his pro-life debating technique while still in the seminary. It was filled with popular rhetoric he gleaned from EWTN and other reliable sources. After his ordination in 1995, Father Fullen was assigned to a "conservative parish" in Frederick, Md., where he started giving pro-life homilies. They were heavy on guilt and condemnation, but showed little compassion for the post-abortive women and men suffering in the pews.

He started counseling women ranging in age from 25 to 55, some of whom were daily communicants. One woman told him she had been suffering for 25 years from the guilt of three abortions.

Fulfilling a promise he made to the Blessed Mother, Father Fullen also gives at least four homilies per year on the topic of artificial contraception.

"There’s no hammer now," he said of his homilies. "I’ve taken the hammer and put it away. Now there’s only love.

"Both abortion and contraception are assaults on women," he said. "The bond (between mother and child) remains even when the baby is removed."

Father Fullen has found great success in "rebonding" the woman with her aborted child through the Eucharistic sacrifice of the Mass. "Ninety-five percent of women I counseled were healed," he said.

Men often play a critical role in a woman’s decision to have an abortion, Father Fullen said. Almost all of the women he counseled were coerced into having an abortion by their boyfriend, husband or father.

"Always present the love of God," he said.

The pro-life luncheon series continued Aug. 2 at St. Catherine of Siena Church in Great Falls. Future programs are planned for St. Timothy Church in Chantilly on Aug. 9; St. Mary Church Lyceum in Alexandria on Aug. 16; St. John the Baptist Church in Front Royal on Aug. 18; and St. William of York Church in Stafford on Aug. 25.

For registration information contact the Family Life Office at 703/841-2550.