By Angela E. Pometto
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 9/23/04)

There are much bigger fears for today’s parents than their child sticking a finger in a light socket or trying to fly by jumping off a roof. Youth Minister Jim Green knows that parents worry because of things happening in the world today, and he believes that children do stupid things only because they don’t have the experience to know better.

Nearly 175 parents and teens gathered recently at Bishop Ireton High School in Alexandria to strengthen their vocation within the family. The Parents and Their Teens Conference, sponsored by the Office of Youth Ministry, is a practical way to help parents in their vocation as the primary catechists of their children and children to realize they have an active role in the family.

"The bottom line is to be in a family," Green told the teens during the "Raising Your Parents" session. "Even when you disagree, let them know you want to be part of the family."

Green encouraged the teens to ask adults to teach them important life skills such as studying, banking, eating, cooking, doing laundry, driving and most importantly, praying.

"You need to learn life skills so you’re not vulnerable," Green said, adding that many college freshman struggle with some of these basic skills. They gain 10-15 pounds their first year or turn all their white t-shirts pink.

"I wished I’d learned at an early age to turn the TV off — to live life instead of watching it," he said.

"Tell the truth, be responsible for your life and don’t blame others," he said.

Kendra Smiley, author and mother of three sons from Illinois, led the "Understanding Your Teenager" talk with parents. "Start early and talk to them often" about the things that matter, Smiley said. She used the example of a frog put into cold water that will sit still and be boiled to death if the water gradually gets hotter.

"If we don’t remind them that it’s wrong, they won’t jump out," Smiley said. In her own family, she makes comments on scantily clad cheerleaders and pre-marital sex on television to keep her children thinking critically of what they’re watching.

"Take advantage of teachable moments," she said. With God, there are certain areas that are black and white. Smiley said that parents should enforce those areas and help their children to define any gray areas.

"Don’t handicap teens by making life too easy for them," Smiley said. She encouraged parents to allow teens to make their own bad choices while they’re still at home. Accepting the consequences of actions will eventually create a more responsible adult, Smiley said.

"Give them lots of love at home, so they don’t go looking for it," she said. "And keep a sense of humor in the home." Building relationships with children is the mission of parenting.

"The world was so much different when they were kids," said Kevin Bohli, director of youth ministry. When today’s parent generation was growing up, there were no pressures from the media, TV or music industries. "What they go through is different," he said.

"Teens aren’t different; the world is different," Smiley said. "God never changes."

Green said that while some things have changed, much of being a teenager remains the same.

"They still want to be liked, want to be cool," he said, but there are many more temptations and challenges present today.

"Thirty years ago, almost every kid lived with biological parents, and now only a fourth do," Green said. Thirty years ago, a teacher spent 85 percent of class time teaching. Now, teachers spend that time on crowd control.

Arlington Bishop Paul S. Loverde celebrated the Mass that opened the day’s event. "Parents and their teenage children are spending most of today here. Why?" he asked during the homily. "To discover better ways to live together in mutual understanding, trust and support."

Bishop Loverde encouraged the attendants to imitate Christ by being understanding and patient with each other — especially members of their family. "Parents and teens, I pray that your time together here will help you to understand better both who God is and who you are."

Father Michael Taylor, spiritual director for the Office of Youth Ministry, gave a vocations talk to the parents in attendance. He told the parents that God has a plan for each child and it is the parents’ responsibility to make sure the children are able to listen to God.

"God speaks to children at a very young age," he said. "Pray that your children will find where they’re supposed to be."

Father Ovidio Pecharroman led a session for a handful of Spanish-speaking parents. Although the Spanish track is small this year, Kate Iadipaolo, assistant director of youth ministry, said it is a baby step in the right direction.

The day ended with the Catholic improvisation group, Fools! Families sat back together after the long day and laughed together.

"Family is what we need to be doing — it’s what youth ministry is headed toward," said Iadipaolo.

For more information and more resources for parents and teens go to www.gospelcom.net/uyt or www.KendraSmiley.com.