By Gretchen R. Crowe
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 9/23/04)

For most couples married in the Church, their marriage is an important sacrament for which they prepare faithfully and eagerly. However, once vows are said and rings are exchanged, married life can often take second place to carpooling, balancing family budgets and working nine to five.

Teams of Our Lady, an international movement that relies heavily on the intercession of Mary, helps married men and women re-focus on the vital, yet easily forgotten, aspect of a healthy marriage: the couple. Jim and Ruth Wagner, members of St. Bernadette Parish in Springfield, recently ascended to the posts of regional directors of the newly established Coastal region of Teams, which encompasses Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina.

"The aim is to help couples live fully the sacrament of marriage," Jim said. "It helps provide structure to the sacrament."

According to the Wagners, 57 teams can be found in the Coastal region. Of those, 46 are in Virginia and 44 in the Arlington diocese.

"There are a large amount of people in this movement in Virginia, yet it’s not very well known," said Jim.

The movement, chartered in France in 1947, spread into the United States in 1958. Each team is comprised of five to seven couples and, ideally, a priest. Priests — "the few that we have," said Jim — are involved not as leaders of the group, but as spiritual and theological resources. They also end up learning a lot about what it takes to make a healthy marriage work, he said.

The monthly meetings begin with a meal followed by Scripture reading and prayer — both liturgical and intercessory. Then comes "pooling," or discussing the highs and lows of your month as a married couple. Conversation is open in these discussions — "the way you would share as in your family," Ruth said. "Your team becomes your second family."

The core part of being in the team consists of the "endeavors and responsibilities," said Jim. For example, each couple is required to have a monthly "sit down." According to Jim, this means "finding the time to talk about things you don’t ever find the time to talk about" — not the time to talk about bills or the kids. The couples also commit to a yearly retreat with the other couples in the team. The only part of the commitment that members tackle on their own is developing and implementing an individual "rule of life" — a particular goal for personal improvement.

Because of the nature of Jim’s government career, the Wagners have had the opportunity to participate in teams on three separate continents. As a result, they recognize the universality of the program. "It’s something that we know that we can find in another place," said Jim.

The teams are not parish-based, but, according to Jim, couples try to meet in the same geographic area as where they live. Because of this, couples from the same parishes often end up on the same team.

The teams meet September through July. In August, the teams have a purely social gathering, such as a picnic or cookout. As a new year begins, the Wagners are busy organizing two special events for the upcoming months. Because Teams of Our Lady is focused around Mary, the Wagners have scheduled a Mass for the feast of the Immaculate Conception on Dec. 8. The Mass will be open to anyone, but will incorporate a special prayer or blessing for couples.

On Feb. 12, in what Jim calls "a good month for marriage," Dr. William Roberts, a religious studies professor travel from the University of Dayton who has written several books on sacramental challenges, will speak to couples from the entire Coastal region. The Wagners hope it will be a day of enrichment, as well as a uniting event for the new region.

But amid all the details, liturgies, retreats and conferences, the purpose of Teams remains clear: to become holier as a married couple.

"The Church starts at home," said Ruth. "If you have the spirituality of trying to be holy, then God is the center of the couple, and you make a triangle.

"We have a long way to go," she said, "but at least we walk together."