While most Engaged Encounter Weekends draw 40-80 couples, the next weekend for the engaged to be held in Alexandria on Sept. 9-10 has only six couples signed up. It’s one of four special weekends set aside each year for couples who are preparing to be married for the second time.

According to Bob Laird, director of the Office of Family Life, the Conference for the Engaged for Second Unions started three years ago to help serve the needs of couples who have been married before. To attend the meeting, both people need to be free to marry in the Church — meaning that the first spouse has died or the previous marriage has been annulled.

"We don’t want them to fall into the same path," said Laird. "The biggest reason marriages fail is that they don’t know what the Catholic Church expects."

For this reason, the weekend includes talks by priests, married couples in their second union and a professional counselor, like psychologist Dr. William Commins. This psychological and theological approach to marriage is helpful to these second-union couples, said Laird.

"Someone who is 50 and getting married is different from someone who is 25 and getting married," said Commins, adding that one of the biggest differences is that second-union couples are usually older.

Because of this, second-union couples have an established job, social network and financial status. Now, the challenge is to integrate two settled lives.

"Stability can create different stresses on a second marriage," he said.

When two young people get married, they start making friends as a couple. They create stability together. But for a second union, the couple has made two different sets of friendships.

When a couple is getting married for the first time, they bring the experience from their own family to the relationship. For a couple starting their second marriage, they bring baggage from the first union into the second, said Commins.

If one person has experienced an annulment, he or she must deal with a sense of failure after the previous relationship, said Commins.

"People believe the reason their marriage failed was because they chose the wrong person," he said. This way of thinking puts pressure on the new person. As soon as difficulties arise, these people are easily discouraged.

"It’s very rare that someone chose the wrong person," he said, adding that most marriages fail because of the dynamics of the relationship.

When dealing with a widow or widower, there is a need to deal with the grief of the loss of the first spouse.

"The first spouse can tend to be idealized or sanctified," said Commins.

Children present a whole new set of complexities. Step-children will remain connected to their grandparents and other in-law relatives. These people will stay in the lives of the children and the parent.

"There is a bigger social network that needs to be incorporated," he said.

The small group size for the second-union weekend facilitates deeper discussions among the couples.

"It’s very intense and intimate," said Laird.

Commins enjoys the small group environment. The participants have found it a valuable experience, he said.

The second union weekends are held quarterly. There is still space available for the Sept. 9-10 session, the last one this year. Any interested couples should pre-register. For information contact the Office of Family Life at 703/841-2550 or go to www.arlingtondiocese.org/offices/family.