THE TEMPERAMENT GOD GAVE YOU, by Art and Laraine Bennett. Sophia Institute Press (Manchester, N.H., 2005). 265 pp.

It’s the same old argument. Little Johnny never listens to what his mom says. Instead, he debates every instruction, commonly asks "why" and always wants to do things his way. Needless to say, it’s easy for mom to get upset with Johnny. But if mom stepped back and realized that Johnny’s behavior is just part of his natural temperament, she might be able to understand her son better and not get so frustrated with him.

"Family should be a communion of persons instead of a war," said Laraine Bennett, co-author of the book The Temperament God Gave You.

Members of Holy Trinity Parish in Gainseville, Laraine and her husband, Art, director of the Alpha Omega Clinic in Arlington, bring the discussion about temperaments to Catholics. The book covers all aspects from defining temperaments to how temperament can affect spiritual life, marriage and family.

So what are temperaments and why is it important to know them? Temperament is only one aspect of someone’s personality. A personality is also made up of character, virtues, education, intelligence, environment and upbringing, said Art.

"The temperament is the part that God gave us," he said. It is the natural way in which someone reacts to the environment.

The four temperaments are choleric, melancholic, sanguine and phlegmatic. According to the book, cholerics are energetic, outspoken and strong-willed; they react quickly and intensely. Melancholics value ideals, are orderly and pay close attention to detail.

Sanguines have a tendency to be optimistic and live in the present moment; they value relationships and are creative. Phlegmatics are reserved, reflective and dependable; they are not easily troubled or provoked to anger.

Temperaments have always been a part of Catholic tradition. Many of the great saints and spiritual writers have mentioned them. But until now, very little has been written specifically for Catholics about it, said Art.

Learning about temperaments is part of many seminary formation programs, but this knowledge is practical for everyone.

"That’s what Christ wants of us — to take stock of what we have first," said Laraine. The spiritual life can be greatly improved by understanding temperament.

"Knowing your own temperament gives you clues to your strengths and how to grow in virtue," by improving on the weaknesses, Art said. The temperament should be a springboard to discover gifts as well as weaknesses.

Within a temperament, there is an inclination toward a certain type of sin. Cholerics tend to be prideful, and sanguines tend to be vain. Being aware of these pitfalls can help people avoid them.

For example, the sanguine is the classic "people person." It is easy for them to get wrapped up in what others think. When it comes to their spiritual life, it is important that they have a deep relationship with Christ. If Christ is the most important person in their lives, they will not worry so much about trying to please everyone else, said Laraine.

Beyond the spiritual level, learning about temperament is also good for marriages and families.

It’s helpful for spouses to know each other’s temperament so they can understand each other. There’s no need to fight over a behavior or habit that is inherently part of the temperament, said Art.

Often times, couples get stuck on a particular issue, said Laraine. But when they figure out that the temperament is to blame, the behavior begins to make sense.

"It’s helpful as a parent to know the temperament of your children," Laraine said.

It’s often easier for parents to determine their child’s temperament than it is to identify their own. Most adults have grown past their natural temperament. They have had to change and learn how to act differently to succeed at work or in social settings. Children haven’t had time or need to change yet.

Families should have a "mutual understanding and appreciation of each other," said Art. "This is a great tool to foster that mutual respect."

Identifying the temperaments helps parents motivate their children and work on problem areas. For example, a choleric child has a natural tendency to debate everything. If parents don’t realize that this is normal to that temperament, it is easy for them to get angry with the child.

With a phlegmatic child, their natural tendency is to be docile and agreeable. Parents should encourage such a child to be more outspoken and step up during a conflict.

"You end up not criticizing so much and become more forgiving," said Laraine. "Knowing the natural reaction of (your children) makes family life much less combative."

So far, the book, in its second printing, has been selling well. In the back of the book, there is a self-test to help people determine their temperament. A similar test, written by Laraine, is available at www.catholicmatch.com.

"The Temperament God Gave You" can be found at local Catholic bookstores including the Paschal Lamb and the Catholic Shop or online at www.amazon.com.