By Angela E. Pometto
Herald Staff Writer
(From the issue of 4/7/05)

The one-man, one-act play "Defending the Caveman" provides an entertaining look at gender differences, from why women shop to why men fish. The comedy claims it all dates back to the caveman.

Created by Rob Becker the show is an excellent chance for couples to rekindle a sense of humor in their relationship. Although the play includes some crude adult humor, it is also a tool used to strengthen marriages.

Performer Kevin Burke explains that the purpose of the evening is to give him a chance to "defend" his sex. He said there are too many instances where women refer to men as jerks and nobody will bother trying to object to the verdict.

To help him in this mission, he is given a "vision" from a wise old caveman that helps him realize that men and women are like two different cultures with different customs, histories and languages. In the cave days, men were hunters who focused in on their prey and protected their territory. Women were gathers who went out with baskets to gather food from plants and information about the world. In modern days, these characteristics still remain, but as the play explains, each sex has adapted to the modern world.

The show has gained attention from psychologists as a positive form of couples therapy. Anna Beth Benningfield, former president of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), saw the show on its first road trip in the early ’90s. She was immediately impressed and began sending her patients to go see it. When the show arrived in Washington, D.C., a group of therapists from AAMFT went to see it, and many followed Benningfield’s lead in suggesting the show to patients.

"It takes an educational but original approach at why men and women have difficulties with each other," Benningfield said.

When couples come to therapy, they usually have many complaints about each other and even simple things seem difficult. For example, when a couple sits down to watch TV together, he wants to flip channels, and she wants to stay on one channel. This goes back to the men being hunters and the women being gatherers. These differences are not personal, it’s just men and women behaving naturally, she said.

"This is a way for couples to see they are not unique," Benningfield said. Every marriage has the same struggles when it comes to the differences of the sexes. "This is very relieving to know," she said, adding that couples go to therapy feeling isolated by their problems.

Benningfield met Becker, the creator, who does not pretend that the show will solve all marital problems. But he does realize that it can be helpful. Of the couples Benningfield has sent, none have reported negative responses to her about the show.

"It didn’t solve all their problems, but it showed what they need to work on accepting," she said. "The experience of seeing the show is therapeutic, but does not replace therapy."

According to Benningfield, since many marriage and family therapists assign homework to couples, this is just one option and one way to enrich a relationship. Couples attending the show spend time together laughing, she said, and that in itself is very helpful.

"Defending the Caveman" runs at the Rosslyn Spectrum through April 30. For ticket information call Ticketmaster at 703/573-SEAT or go to www.ticketmaster.com.