The start of a new school year is full of excitement and anticipation for both children and parents. Parents are busy checking supply lists, buying new uniforms, backpacks and lunch boxes. We should also be thinking about letting go.

Letting go is not just about the parent whose child is heading off to college. It’s about every parent and every child heading off to school. Letting go is a gradual life long process where parents step back and let their children struggle, fail, succeed and learn.

We all want our children to be successful in the classroom and with their friends. But their success lies much more in the journey than it does the finish line. The journey is where the child figures out how to reach his or her best. The journey is filled with bumps and hurdles, but when a child overcomes them confidence is built. Homework is a good example of parents failing to yield to the journey. We’ve all seen the projects hanging up in the classroom where the parents definitely got the A. I did one of those projects myself. What does that teach our children? It teaches them that we don’t believe they are capable of doing the job. I thought if my daughter got a good grade she’d be confident. What I realize now is that her confidence doesn’t come from the A — it comes from her earning the A (not me). Homework is an opportunity for children to experience success and failure and learn from both.

One way to get children to start thinking about the upcoming school year is to have a family meeting. With pen and pad in hand, talk about realistic expectations for the school year and write them down. Maybe your child is weak in science and a C would be a real achievement. Maybe having no missing assignments is the goal. Work together on creating expectations. If you’re really brave, make some expectations for yourself as well. Then establish consequences for unmet expectations. The key is to find the consequence that your child will feel. For my 11-year-old, that might mean no sleepovers until the next report card. Now here comes the hard part — sit back and let your child figure out how to reach those expectations. No nagging, no yelling.

I help my kids with homework when asked, but I also let them experience the consequences of their effort. If they give a weak effort let them receive the matching grade. Letting go is about creating self-discipline within our children, in their faith, academics, athletics and life. Looking back on some of the great lessons in my life I can honestly say they were when I failed rather than when I succeeded. So don’t be so quick to take away a chance for your child to learn through struggle.

Letting go is listening to your child’s struggles at school and then asking them, "What are you going to do about it?" I’m not always so good at sitting back silently and listening. I mean listening without giving advice, without interrupting. I’m often surprised when I do manage to keep quiet that my child comes up with my exact advice or something even better and more forgiving than I would have spouted off. By allowing children to think for themselves and trust their instincts they learn to trust themselves and ultimately to trust in God.

The start of a new school year is exciting, yet many children are full of anxiety. They are unsure of their place in a new classroom. If tears flow, don’t panic. Step back and try to reframe the situation. Ask yourself, "What is my child supposed to be learning?" and then ask, "What are you going to do about it?" Let go and trust in God. Have faith that your child’s struggles are meant to be overcome and create character. In between buying supplies and backpacks think about letting go and then do it.