For weeks after her first miscarriage, the only notes that could escape the throat of liturgical music minister Monica Perz-Waddington belonged to the traditional Quaker tune "How Can I Keep from Singing?" Calling this effort "somewhat of a lament and an affirmation at the same time," Perz-Waddington used this song to surface from underneath her "rock" of depression. Then, armed with a strong, soulful voice and a love of God, the music minister at Arlington’s 11:15 a.m. Mass at Our Lady, Queen of Peace Church and 6 p.m. Mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church, leaned on her faith and found healing through the power of music.

In the fall of 2003, Perz-Waddington released "Truly Loved," a self-funded compact disc filled with 10 songs and one Scripture reading designed to bring peace to families who have lost children through miscarriages.

The title track of the compilation was written entirely by Perz-Waddington, sketched out in 1999 when a friend miscarried her baby and completed in 2001 when she lost a baby of her own. With its clear lyrics and simple instrumentation, "Truly Loved" tugs at the heart of the grief that miscarriage brings but concurrently embraces the peace of knowing that the miscarried child knew only love.

"Losing a baby before it is born is just as real as losing a baby after it’s born," said Perz-Waddington. "My song and my CD are very affirming about the value of that life. It acknowledges that, and that it’s okay to grieve."

The collection of songs "gives a voice to a kind of grief and healing that is still pretty unspoken in society — as compared to a funeral for a born child or an adult where you have specific rituals and recognition," she continued.

The refrain of "Truly Loved" is sad, yet life-affirming: "You’ll always know that I truly loved you/For love is truly all you’ll ever know/From the time your life began inside your mother’s womb/Until our Lord in heaven called you home."

These words express the very heart and soul of the ministry Perz-Waddington is trying to accomplish through her CD.

"The first time I sang ("Truly Loved") at Queen of Peace, a couple approached me saying they’d been looking for consolation for two babies they had lost, and that they’d never found anything until they heard that song," she said, adding that this one comment made writing the song worth the effort.

On her CD, Perz-Waddington adds her own dimensions to songs by liturgical composers such as Bernadette Farrell and Tom Conry. She offers a variety of arrangements and melodies, some original, for both traditional tunes, such as "O Waly Waly" and "How Can I Keep from Singing," and prayers, including "Ave Maria" and "Our Father." Even in Farrell’s often static and repetitive "God, Beyond All Names," Perz-Waddington superimposes her own voice to layer four different lines of harmony on top of the melody in a moving a cappella rendition. She gives each song, whether familiar or not, new energy and somehow deeper meaning, perhaps because each refrain soars gently from her very soul.

As she recorded her album, Perz-Waddington again became pregnant, and again endured a miscarriage. While she suffered through another serious bout of depression, Perz-Waddington said the loss of a second child strengthened her resolve to see her musical project through to production.

"It has given me a sense of purpose, a motivation for being public with my music. It’s given me more reason to try to share this," she said. "The whole CD is very comforting and peaceful. It talks about unconditional love throughout. I think people appreciate being reminded of that."

When asked if she has found healing after losing two children, Perz-Waddington paused.

"It’s part of who I am," she said. "There’s always going to be that lost part in me, but I’m okay with that.

"I feel closer to God because I can see my circumstances as having some kind of meaning even though I may never understand what it is," she added. "I think this CD is what God wanted me to do."

In her unique ministry, Perz-Waddington has sold over 600 CDs in two years. "It’s more than just for women who’ve lost babies," she said. "Men have felt invited to grieve when they hear it. For some reason it touches them.

"No one grieves the same way. No one goes through the same experience," she continued. "To know that God is here for them, and that we’re here for each other, that’s very helpful."

Perz-Waddington married David Waddington in 1998 and the couple has two sons, Joseph, 5, and Theodore, 2. David and Monica are expecting their third child next week.