vicki thorn

Thorn Emphasizes Reaching Out to Post-Abortive Teens, Fathers

By Gretchen R. Crowe
HERALD Staff Writer
(From the Issue of 1/25/07)

Warm chocolate chip cookies, the scents of vanilla and lavender, and chair massages make all the difference when ministering to post-abortive teens, said Vicki Thorn, founder of Project Rachel, the post-abortion healing ministry of the Catholic Church.
Speaking to an audience last week of lay men and women, priests and women religious, some in post-abortion healing ministry, some not, Thorn, the director of the National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing, outlined the ways that this specific line of work has changed not only in her 23-plus years of ministry, but especially in the last one to two years.
“We see women much sooner now than we did in the past,” she said. It used to be five to 10 years post-abortion when women would seek help. Now “it’s a different ball game” because they see many more women who have had abortions recently. A new generation of women are having abortions — and often they seek help soon after the procedure and before the intended due date of the aborted child.
“I believe the abortion doesn’t end until she’s past that marker point,” Thorn said.
Ministers must take a different approach with younger women because teen brains are different from fully developed brains. Peak development is age 25, according to Thorn.
Teens often mistake concern for anger, and react with fear. They must be approached via a self-preservation tactic.
The chemicals cortisol, the “fear alert,” and oxytocin, associated with love, have control of the teenage brain. Because of the stage of their brain development, teens operate out of their fear center, which results in a lack of clear thinking, Thorn said.
“Women will tell you ‘I’m not in my right state of mind,’” she said. “She is caught here in this web of fear.” In order for her to move into self-preservation mode, she has to be moved chemically — which can come from something as small as a touch on the hand from another woman, to calming colors, scents and, yes, even cookies.
“When she comes in she is scared to death. You are the counselor. She doesn’t know who you are, but you are the authority figure,” Thorn said. “When you sit down with her and ask her if she wants cookies, you just changed her mold. You become the caregiver.”
All of these elements take the teen’s brain from operating on cortisol to operating on oxytocin.
“You can’t deal with the fear, but you can deal with her once she’s comfortable,” Thorn said.
Thorn stressed the importance of listening to the woman who has just had an abortion.
“Don’t talk about the baby, especially if she is a teen,” she said, so as to not scare her away. Instead, listen to her, give her information and help her decide if she needs to get medical care. She needs to eat, especially protein, and she needs to exercise, Thorn said. She needs to sleep. If she’s having nightmares, encourage her to take a 20-minute power nap.
“Sometimes it’s just being patient and letting her tell the story,” Thorn said. “She is processing. And we need to be supportive of that. It’s having that safe space to be where she is right now. We become that compassionate person who’s there.”
If the woman has not yet passed her due date, explain to her that it is normal if she doesn’t feel healing until the pregnancy term is complete.
“You gotta finish the process,” Thorn said. “The problem is we think this is somehow different from other grief issues. It’s a physical thing, you’ve gotta walk through the pieces.”
Those suffering from abortion not only include post-abortive women, she said, but also the fathers, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and all those involved in secondary ways.
“We always need to include men when we talk about the aftermath of abortion,” she said.
According to Thorn, who was citing what she said was mostly Canadian information, men are “literally hardwired for pregnancy.” Similar to women, men undergo chemical changes to prepare them for the birth of the baby, she said. “This is why men who are involved in abortions grieve for lost fatherhood. He didn’t get to complete it.”
Thorn said that ministers need to invite men to share their pain.
“We need to start … giving men permission to talk about their pain,” she said. “As pro-life people we made the mistake. We bought the line that it was a women’s issue. It’s not. It’s a couple issue.”
Thorn said there are two pieces to healing: forgiveness (accepting God’s, accepting the baby’s and forgiving yourself) and reconciliation. She recommended naming the child, then writing him or her a letter, whether it’s from the mother, father or other party. Then burn the paper, bury it or throw it away for closure.
“The process of forgiveness is not magic,” she said. “Reconciliation is about rebuilding a relationship that’s broken. It’ll never be the same relationship — it’s a new relationship.” Accept God’s forgiveness, forgive yourself and have a relationship with the baby, she said. “It’s my belief that these babies are powerful intercessors for their families.
The morning-long conference drew both those involved in post-abortion ministry and those not.
One woman present, who was post-abortive and declined to give her name, said she was present to gather information.
“Most of these people are in ministry,” she said. “I’m not, but I am contemplating ministry.”
Shayla Cordova works at Birthing and Care Program, sponsored by the Archdiocese of Washington, which provides pre-natal, labor and delivery, postpartum and spiritual care for women in crisis pregnancies, regardless of religion. Cordova attended Thorn’s talk at the cathedral “because we’re dealing with post-abortive parents/grandparents and we need to know how to handle the situation,” she said. “We deal every day with people who have had abortions.”
For more information e-mail noparh@juno.com, call 1-800-5WE-CARE or go to www.noparh.org.

Gretchen R. Crowe can be reached at gcrowe@catholicherald.com.