Arlington Poet Looks to Make One Last Impression

By Michael F. Flach
^{HERALD Editor}

"The most I've done on this earth is suffer," said Arlington poet Jay Bradford Fowler Jr. "I've written poetry and suffered.

"Jesus is the only reason I've been able to stand all the suffering so far," he said. "My mother and Jesus. It's a mystical thing."

The 45-year-old award-winning poet was born with spina bifida, a congenital disease in which the spinal column does not close properly. Instead, part of the spinal cord protrudes, which can result in fluid on the brain or other neurological disorders. Fowler has paralysis below the waist. He could walk as a youngster, but he underwent eight operations by the time he was in high school.

In a recent interview with the HERALD from his hospital bed in Arlington, Fowler recalled feeling alienated physically and intellectually as a child. His concerns were so far ahead of his contemporaries that he had no friends.

He was a member of the Book-of-the-Month Club in junior high school and an avid horticulturist. He started writing poetry in the sixth grade. He had his first poem published while still in junior high school.

Fowler is an only child. After Jay was born, the doctors told his mother that she would die if she had any more children. Dorothy Fowler, now 85, devoted her entire life to caring for her son, often at great jeopardy to her own health. She now occupies the hospital bed next to her son in an Arlington nursing home.

Fowler briefly attended St. Ann School in Arlington. He graduated from Washington and Lee High School where he was poetry editor of the school's literary newspaper. He later attended George Mason University in Fairfax, where he majored in English Literature.

"My college experience was very rewarding," Fowler said. He read everything he could get his hands on. He attended poetry workshops and took three classes on plays.

Fowler himself had a nervous breakdown when he was 19. He experienced a rebirth and conversion at age 30 and started attending daily Mass at St. Ann Church.

"Jesus doesn't mean constraint," he said. "He means happiness and freedom.

"What else were we born for, other than to be happy?" he asked.

Roger Lathbury, an English professor at George Mason and editor-in-chief of the Alexandria-based Orchises press, helped Fowler publish two of his first books of poetry, including Writing Down the Light. Lathbury estimates that between 900 and 1,000 copies have been sold through special orders since 1987.

Other published works include: Laying Siege to the Light (1991), The White Light (1991) and The Longing for Paradise (1994).

Laying Siege to the Light has an entire section devoted to Christian poems, including "Jesus Blue Air Breathing," "The Sheepfold," "In a Privacy of Gospel" and "In Christ."

George Mason's Fenwick Library recently agreed to archive 20 cartons of Fowler's work. Fowler said an anthology of his best poems will be published within the next few weeks. As with most of his works over the years, it is supported by a private patron.

Fowler credits Cosmic Trend, a Canadian company, with publishing three of his books and three tapes.

As with most artists, Fowler has found his inspiration from within. "A line of poetry will come to me," he said. "I listen to the voice of poetry inside of me. I write down what I hear. The voice is the connection between my soul and my mind speaking."

Some of his poems have appeared in America, the Jesuit-run magazine. He regrets that much of his poetry has escaped him, either misplaced or lost during bouts of pain and despair.

The highlight of Fowler's professional career took place in 1987 when he won the American Poetry Association's winter poetry competition. Four of his poems were recognized, including one which earned the grand prize.

Despite this early success, Fowler said he never had anything to put him over the top.

"I was ostracized early for writing Christian poems," he said. "It was like a plague. You couldn't mention the name of Jesus."

He also missed some time because he was writing spiritual poems and poems about nature. "I have a great affinity for trees and flowers," he said. "I can name all the flowers and trees."

He said he has found the most joy in his life in Jesus, his mother and his flowers.

Fowler's entire life has been spent around hospitals. He has had 16 operations. Five years ago he started suffering from blood infections. He's had two colostomies, the most recent taking place more than a month ago at Georgetown Hospital.

He is now bed-ridden and his medical prognosis is not good. Doctors have told him he has, at most, seven months to live. He experiences constant pain and must receive regular doses of morphine to help him through each day.

"I'm washed up," he said. "I'm at the end of my life. I pray to God to die, to go to paradise with Jesus. I feel that is a valid prayer."

Fowler hopes this story, and others like it, will help him make one last impression before he dies.

Copyright ©1997 Arlington Catholic Herald, Inc. All rights reserved.