It seems rather natural, does it not, for us to focus our attention on the Holy Family of Nazareth during the Christmas season. After all, Christmas is certainly a family celebration. The Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph is projected before us so that we can recommit ourselves to Christian family life. But, we cannot do that realistically if our understanding of the Holy Family or of our own family is romantic or unreal.

So, we must not romanticize either the life of the Holy Family or ours. Today’s Gospel account causes us to reflect realistically about the family life of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. How does this gospel account accomplish this? By demonstrating so clearly that Jesus’ parents experienced in their relationship with Jesus, Son of God and Son of Mary, misunderstanding and the anxiety, sorrow and frustration that can result from such misunderstanding. Recall what His Mother Mary said to Jesus when she and His Foster-Father Saint Joseph finally found their twelve-year-old Son in the temple: “‘Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.’ And he said to them, ‘why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?’ But they did not understand what he said to them.”

Misunderstanding: the Holy Family experienced this and so do we. Using misunderstanding as a prism, let us examine the reality of marriage and family life, first as an institution and then, secondly as a lived reality.

First of all, there is widespread misunderstanding today about marriage and family life. Recall the orchestrated efforts within our own metropolitan area, within the nation and across the world to redefine marriage. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us: “…God himself is the author of marriage….The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of men and women as they come from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries….The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life….” (n. 1603).

The Church clearly teaches and insists that marriage is the union of one man and one woman, not because she chooses to deny basic civil rights, not because she wishes to be discriminating or unfair — and those are the arguments used to push for a redefinition of marriage, but because she has an obligation to proclaim the objective truth regarding marriage and family life and the corresponding responsibility for the common good of individuals and society as well as for their spiritual well-being.

Pope Benedict XVI clearly states this in an address he gave on marriage and family life in Spain in 2006. “The family,” the Holy Father said, “founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman,” is designed to express our interconnectedness as human beings and our reliance on others. “None of us gave ourselves life or singlehandedly learned how to live. All of us received from others both life itself and its basic truths, and we have been called to attain perfection in relationship and loving communion with others. It is the setting where men and women are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner….At the origin of every man and woman, and thus in all human fatherhood and motherhood, we find God the Creator. For this reason, married couples must accept the child born to them, not simply as theirs alone, but also as a child of God, loved for his or her own sake and called to be a son or daughter of God….at the origin of every human being there is not something haphazard or chance, but a loving plan of God….The Christian family passes on the faith when parents teach their children to pray and when they pray with them (cf. Familiaris Consortio, 60); when they lead them to the sacraments and gradually introduce them to the life of the Church; when all join in reading the Bible, letting the light of faith shine on their family life and praising God as our Father” (Pope Benedict XVI, Homily to Valencia (Spain) on the occasion of the Fifth World Meeting of Families, July 9, 2006). The love of parents for children should be a sign and continuation of the love which God has for us, the Pope said. This allows us to understand how to enter into communion with one another and with the Lord.

Yes, misunderstanding about the definition and purpose of marriage and family life abounds in our contemporary society. Today’s Feast of the Holy Family gives us another graced opportunity to clear away this misunderstanding, so that the institution of marriage and family life can be understood and lived as God intends.

Secondly, misunderstanding occurs within marriage and family life. We often experience this, do we not, just as Mary and Joseph did as we heard in today’s gospel account. Christian marriage and family life cannot be lived perfectly because we human beings are not perfect. But, marriage and family life must be lived with love and respect for one another, despite our human weaknesses and, to be honest, our sinfulness. Did we not ask for this grace in our Opening Prayer: “Father, help us to live as the holy family, united in respect and love”? Recall what Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta often counseled: “God does not ask us to be perfect; He asks us to be faithful.”

Yes, family life has its ups and downs. We are prone, as I said, to making mistakes and to sin. Those closest to us see us as we really are and we see them: we know one another’s faults and weaknesses. Often, we know how to aim the ammunition, like a word or remark, where it can really hurt. Sometimes, we do not clearly communicate, so we inadvertently cause misunderstanding and the anxiety, sorrow and frustration that can result.

Today’s Feast of the Holy Family calls us not only to acknowledge the reality of misunderstanding and its consequences in our family relationships and interactions — as did the Holy Family, but also to never give up trying to move beyond them: to seek forgiveness, to show respect and love in daily practical ways. Saint John in today’s second reading from his First Letter reminds us: “…believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ and love one another just as he commanded us.” The first reading from the First Book of Samuel likewise reminds us that each one of us belongs to God through our Baptism just as Samuel belonged to God by being dedicated to Him by his mother, Hannah.

Respect and love — for God and for each other: these enable us to overcome those times of misunderstanding as we live out marriage and family. Daily prayer and at least weekly Eucharist: these are the principal sources of grace to strengthen our daily efforts to show respect and to love both God and each other.

Yes, today’s Feast of the Holy Family projects before us the reality of misunderstanding in terms of marriage and family life both as an institution and as a lived reality. Today, we recommit ourselves to living marriage and family life as did the Holy Family, with respect and love. As one commentator observed, the title of today’s feast is not “the Perfect Family,” but “the Holy Family,” because God calls us, not to be perfect, since we are imperfect human beings, but to be holy, because He gives each one of us that vocation at Baptism. So, we say: “Jesus, Mary and Joseph, pray for us, that we may live as you did, united in respect and love. Amen.”