'Courage' Members Find Joy in Christ

By Mary Beth Bonacci
Herald Columnist
(From the issue of 9/9/04)

I love speaking at Catholic conferences. There’s something about spending time with a whole bunch of people who share my faith that really energizes me.

In fact, I just returned from the conference that is rapidly becoming my very favorite – the Courage conference.

For those of you who are unaware, Courage is a wonderful organization dedicated to supporting homosexually oriented Catholics who wish to live a life of chastity. Based on the 12 steps of AA, Courage groups meet in cities and towns all over the world, as well as meeting on an amazing Web-based forum where anyone with a computer and a modem can join the conversation.

So what on earth would an unmarried, heterosexually oriented girl like myself find so enjoyable about a conference like this? In short, it’s all about my friends, the members of Courage.

This is a happy group. This is a fun group. This is a group of people who love God and love each other. This is a group whose members have achieved a level of holiness that most of the rest of us just dream of. And this is a group of people who have a lot of fun.

This isn’t accidental – the result of good social or spiritual direction (although Courage certainly has both of those). It is the fruit of where these people have been, and how hard they have struggled to get to where they are.

Imagine being a person who experiences same-sex attraction. Imagine coming into adulthood and realizing that these incredibly strong feelings are not just a "phase." Imagine, on top of that, being a Catholic who wants to please God and do the right thing.

And then, imagine moving in Church circles where supposedly "Christian" people say the most un-Christian things about "those people."

All human persons crave acceptance and love. More often than not, homosexually oriented people don’t reveal the truth about themselves to people within the Church, for fear they’d be rejected. Instead, they turn to the "gay" subculture, where they can finally admit their "secret" to others who have also experienced it.

And, in that world, they find acceptance. They find an opportunity to act on those feelings. They may find a lot of short-term pleasure. But, according to the Courage members I have spoke with, they don’t find peace. They don’t find joy.

As one priest so aptly put it, "Where there is no joy, there can never be enough pleasures."

Joy isn’t found in pleasure. It isn’t found in mere "acceptance," nor is it found in pretending to be someone we’re not to gain acceptance from people who don’t really know us.

Joy is found in Christ. It is found by admitting to who we are – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and laying it all down at the foot of His cross. It is found by living His way, with His help.

The men and women of Courage have found Him. And it shows.

It’s not that they don’t struggle. They do – on a level that the rest of us cannot possibly fully understand. But, instead of struggling against God, they struggle with him. And that makes all the difference.

In Courage, they can struggle openly. They can talk to each other, lean on each other. They struggle together.

And Courage isn’t just for homosexually oriented people themselves. A companion group, Encourage, exists for the mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and friends of people with same-sex attraction – whether those friends and relatives are Courage members, or whether they are still living an actively "gay" life.

I honestly believe that the first step in helping homosexually oriented Catholics live chastity lies in removing the stigma that comes with same sex attraction. It happens. No one is exactly sure why, but most seem to believe it is a developmental disorder. Why should that be something to be ashamed of? If these people could be open and honest about their temptations and struggles within the accepting and loving atmosphere of the Church, they’d be a lot less likely to turn to gay bars and cruising to find acceptance. But that won’t happen until the people within the Church learn to stop freaking out over the reality of same-sex attraction.

Courage members have taken a bold step to help make that happen. They have produced a beautiful video set called Profiles of Courage, in which they step out from the shadows to talk about their lives, their struggles, and their real joy in finding Christ and His love. I honestly believe that every person, every parish and every teen group in the world should see this video. In fact, I feel so strongly about this that I am carrying the videos — one of the very few resources I carry that I didn’t develop myself — on my Web site at www.reallove.net.

Order these videos and watch them. I promise they’ll give you a whole new perspective into my friends, the members of Courage.

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