leaving the nest

Editor's Desk: Leaving the Nest

By Michael F. Flach
Herald Editor
(From the issue of 9/1/05)

Nearly 30 years ago, my father dropped me off at Penn State with a suitcase, an old manual typewriter and a bean bag chair. There was nothing dainty about my college experience. My 10-story dormitory on the eastern edge of campus was flanked by two other buildings of equal size. The State College campus — with 30,000 undergrads — more than doubled in size on Saturday afternoon when the football team had a home game.

"Good luck," my father said. "We’ll see you at Thanksgiving."

These memories came flooding back last week as my oldest daughter, Clare, started her freshman year at James Madison University. All the parental emotions were there as we pulled away from the dorm: fear for her safety, anxiety that she’ll be able to juggle the routines of school and independent living, and hope that her college experience will be rewarding on many levels. It’s tough letting go.

Clare’s four siblings who remain at home don’t appear to share the same emotional trappings as their parents. They are already scheming about how to best utilize her bedroom and squabbling over who will take her place at the dinner table. "I miss her already," my eight-year-old daughter exclaimed just hours after leaving her sister in Harrisonburg. Luckily, there’s email to keep everyone in close contact.

From a selfish standpoint, we’ll miss having the extra driver in the house and one less babysitter to take care of the younger siblings. We’ll miss her sense of humor and her ability to keep daughter number two on schedule in the morning.

Judging by the line of mini-vans and U-hauls heading south on Interstate 81 last week, our anxiety is not unique. This scenario is being duplicated in thousands of homes across Northern Virginia. Wiser parents who have already ventured down this road must find it all quite amusing. Younger parents just starting their families still have many t-ball games and soccer seasons to navigate before worrying about their "empty nest."

"Letting go is not just about the parent whose child is heading off to college," wrote Patsy Mangas in last week’s HERALD. "It’s about every parent and every child heading off to school. Letting go is a gradual life long process where parents step back and let their children struggle, fail, succeed and learn.

"We all want our children to be successful in the classroom and with their friends," Mangas said. "But their success lies much more in the journey than it does the finish line. The journey is where the child figures out how to reach his or her best. The journey is filled with bumps and hurdles, but when a child overcomes them confidence is built."

The other night we watched a DVD of Clare when she was a baby (it was actually an old video tape converted to a DVD). The fuss we made over our "first born" was understandable. Each step was new and exciting — the first time she rolled over, the first time she sat up, the first time she walked on her own. The uniqueness naturally lessened with each new arrival, but the words from friends and parents still echo in my head, "Enjoy your children while they’re young. They grow up so quickly."

"Quick" can be a relative term. My youngest child just started third grade. — M.F.F.

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