Burnout Busters

By Elizabeth Foss
Herald Columnist
(From the issue of 4/3/03)

It was a very long winter. And just when it was beginning to look like spring, the country went to war. Now, we sit transfixed in front of the television, watching a whole new kind of reality TV. What effect does months of dark, snowy weather followed by the grim reality of war have on the souls of mothers? It leaves them burned out.

"Burnout" is a term often used in a society that seems to move in perpetual fast forward. What is it? In her bestseller, Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach writes:

"It’s burnout when you go to bed exhausted every night and wake up tired every morning — when no amount of sleep refreshes you, month after weary month. It’s burnout when everything becomes too much effort: combing your hair, going out to dinner, visiting friends for the weekend, even going on vacation. It’s burnout when you find yourself cranky all the time, bursting into tears or going into fits of rage at the slightest provocation. It’s burnout when you dread the next phone call. It’s burnout when you feel trapped and hopeless, unable to dream, experience pleasure, or find contentment. It’s burnout when neither the big thrills nor the little moments have the power to move you — when nothing satisfies you because you haven’t a clue what’s wrong or how to fix it. Because everything’s wrong. Because something’s terribly out of whack: you."

Mothers are especially vulnerable to burnout. Nurturing hits overdrive and mothers give and give and give until they are limp and listless. Then, they must nurture themselves. While space constraints keep me from sharing all my "burnout busters," I do have a few suggestions for moving from the dark of winter into the springtime.

First, rest more and take excellent care of your physical body. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and they deserve nothing less than excellent care. When I am pregnant, I am careful to eat well, rest often, and exercise. I am constantly aware of a baby growing inside me and dependent upon me for its well-being. After the baby is born, I tend to drive myself into a state of exhaustion. The physical demands of motherhood can be grueling. We cannot care for our families unless we care for ourselves. I am not advocating narcissistic hours in front of a mirror at the gym. I’m simply encouraging a healthful diet, daily exercise and adequate rest. God is growing inside your body — treat it so.

Next, revel in the springtime. Spend some time outdoors daily. Go for long walks with your children. Don’t rush to get there; enjoy the journey. At a soccer tournament last weekend, I was struck by the silliness of the situation. We had traveled to a beautiful, rural setting, thrown all the nine-year-olds into a box marked in the middle of endless green grass, and then yelled at them for an hour to kick the ball and stay inside the lines marked for their "play." Then we got in the van and went home. I’m not knocking organized sports. Truly, I’m not. Soccer is fine. But being a bleacher mom is not a burnout buster. Get outside everyday to simply relax in the glory of God’s world. Enjoy the park; walk in the woods; turn your face to the sun and inhale the coming spring.

Third on my list is the one I find most difficult: Make time to be alone. I love to be with my children. There is always something that needs to be done in my home. There is always someone who needs me. I have trouble leaving — call it reverse separation anxiety. When I do take some time to simply think my own uninterrupted thoughts, I return to my family refreshed. In these troubling times, I strongly encourage that time alone be time without media input. Don’t turn on the TV or listen to the radio. Don’t use the time to read the paper. Just be alone with God. He is enough.

Finally, begin your day invoking the power of the Holy Spirit and end it with heartfelt gratitude. A simple morning offering and a few moments of spiritual reading can frame your day with grace. You are weary, oh so weary. This doesn’t have to be a big, complicated gesture, just a whispered prayer, full of confidence in the Lord’s provision. At the end of the day, make a written list of five things for which you are grateful. This list will be reminder to you that the Lord is in the details, even when you are burned out. Glance at the list again and again and know that spring and Easter will be here very soon.

Foss is a freelance writer from Northern Virginia.

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