The Commands of Love

By Fr. Paul Scalia
HERALD Columnist
(From the Issue of 5/2/02)

Only by the hypocritical ignoring of a huge fact can anyone contrive to talk of "free-love"; as if love were an episode like lighting a cigarette, or whistling a tune.

G.K. Chesterton wrote these words in 1910. Although we may not use the term much anymore, our culture still buys into the absurd concept of "free-love" — that is, that love has no requirements or obligations, it demands nothing of us and gives no commands.

Our culture sees love as a mere feeling, a passing fancy or stage. Most television shows and movies involve people who "make love" without the slightest hint of commitment or, needless to say, marriage. Our divorce rate, hovering around 50 percent, indicates a whimsical view of the love professed on the wedding day. We have reduced love to (in Chesterton’s words), an episode like lighting a cigarette, or whistling a tune.

As a result, we immediately rebel against the implication that love somehow involves commandments. We have difficulty understanding our Lord’s words: If you love me, you will keep my commandments…[w]hoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me. For our society, love is a feeling that comes and goes. How could it possibly command anything?

The truth, however, is that love is demanding. This is the huge fact to which Chesterton refers. The commands of love form our natural relationships. A husband’s love for his wife prompts him to remain faithful, to be with her for life, to create new life with her. A mother’s love for her children requires her to dedicate herself to their well-being and never to abandon them. Love for our friends prompts us to be truthful and honest. No outside force imposes these things: love itself commands them.

In that way, the very structure of love makes demands on us. Love binds our hearts and prompts us to say and do certain things. It demands sacrifice and effort; it commands commitment and patience. And we cannot rest until love’s commands are fulfilled. Love does not free us from obligations, but transforms obligations into expressions of love.

The words lovers use reveal just how demanding love is. The language of love does not consist of half-measures, conditions, or limitations. It involves vows, oaths, promises and pledges – all those things that fasten the lover to the beloved. In short, love commands. If you love me, you will keep my commandments. But these commandments do not seem like burdens because of our love. For this reason our Lord also says, My yoke is easy, and my burden light. (Mt 11:30)

The commands of love also form our relationship with the Lord. In this regard, priests and religious provide the greatest examples of love’s commands. At ordination a young man lays down his life for the Church because his love for the Lord requires it. A young woman enters religious life and takes vows of poverty, chastity and obedience because her love desires to make that gift of herself as a bride of Christ.

Because we love God, we desire to do His will — to follow His commandments. We keep them not as impositions but as expressions of our love for Him. We cannot say that we love Him and then ignore His commandments. If we fail to keep His commandments — that is, if we sin — then we fail to love Him. But perfect love seeks to be expressed perfectly and rejoices that the commandments of the Lord give that opportunity.

Fr. Scalia is parochial vicar at St. Patrick Parish in Chancellorsville.

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