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A guide through the darkness

Katie Scott | Catholic Herald

Oblate of St. Francis de Sales Fr. Lewis S. Fiorelli stands next to a painting of St. Francis made by a fellow Oblate in his office at Our Lady of Good Counsel Church in Vienna, where he is parochial vicar. Fr. Fiorelli brings the gentle, humble approach of Salesian spirituality to his work as spiritual director.

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The journey to recovery for victims of childhood sexual abuse
is painful and often lonely. The betrayal of trust cuts
deeply, and the heart it injures mends slowly. For those who
aid victims, bringing a nonthreatening presence to that
loneliness and bearing witness to their wounds takes a unique
mix of compassion, patience and wisdom.

Father Lewis S. Fiorelli, an Oblate of St. Francis de Sales,
possesses that special combination. A spiritual director for
nearly a half-century, he began working with victims about
four years ago. His approach is grounded in Salesian
spirituality, and it resonates with victims, many of whom
understandably have a strong sense of distrust.

“The call of St. Francis is a call of gentleness, humility,
simplicity, a great respect – even reverence – for the
other,” said Father Fiorelli during a recent interview at Our
Lady of Good Counsel Church in Vienna, where he is parochial
vicar. “You treat everybody with great care. You appreciate
their uniqueness. You start from where they are as
individuals and take it from there.”

After several years offering workshops, retreats and some
counseling to both victims and those who help them, he now
hopes to share a path toward spiritual healing beyond the
Arlington Diocese.

He has co-authored the book Veronica’s Veil: Spiritual
Companionship for Survivors of Abuse – A Guide for
Integrating Faith with Recovery
with
Teresa Pitt Green, a survivor of clergy sexual abuse. The
book, slated for publication this fall, covers more than 70
topics that progress from the first stages of recovery and
move toward spiritual healing. In October, he will give a
U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops-sponsored webinar on the
spiritual healing of abuse victims. The webinar is part of a
fall training session for those working in victim assistance
and child protection.

“Father Fiorelli has been a gift to our local program,” said

Pat Mudd, coordinator of the diocesan Office of Victim
Assistance. “I think (his book and webinar) will be a
powerful help to priests and victims around the country.”

Introduction to the devout life

God’s providence is central in Salesian spirituality, and
Father Fiorelli often has felt its guidance in his life.
Loving providence is with us at every moment and under all
circumstances, he writes in the draft of his webinar.
“Providence says, ‘You are loved. You are loveable.'”

Born in Waterloo, N.Y., March 10, 1942, Father Fiorelli was
raised in a Catholic family that was not especially devout.
The first pull at his heart was not toward the priesthood but
the classroom.

While in high school, a priest asked him his plans
post-graduation. When he answered that he wanted to be a
teacher, the priest responded: “Oh, so you want to be a
priest-teacher?”

“I’d never put the two together, but that planted the seed,”
said Father Fiorelli.

During high school he read The Seven Story Mountain,
the 1948 autobiography of Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk,
writer and convert. In the book, Merton shares his
experiences as an agnostic in New York City, where he began
visiting churches and was drawn toward the liturgy and beauty
of the Catholic faith.

Father Fiorelli said the book served as a catalyst that
awakened in him a yearning for the contemplative life that
Merton described, and he began perusing a book on religious
orders, even writing to a few.

When he came to the section on the Oblates, he remembers
seeing a man riding a tractor on a farm. “That didn’t appeal
to me, and I quickly turned the page,” said Father Fiorelli.

“Three months later I ended up on that farm, even helping out
at times in the field,” he said, laughing.

Not long after he flipped that page, Father Fiorelli was
introduced to an Oblate priest and their apostolate of
teaching. Although he didn’t know anything about their
spirituality, he was attracted to their work, and in 1960, he
entered the Oblates seminary in Childs, Md.

Looking back, Father Fiorelli says entering the order was the
work of providence. “I resonate completely with the
spirituality,” he said. “It fit me like a handmade glove. The
Lord knew that; I couldn’t have known that.”

One of the things he loves is that it’s a spiritual path
that’s doable. “This spirituality is decidedly not a
one-size-fits-all approach,” he said. It takes people where
they are and uses the ordinary means that the church provides
– the sacraments, prayer and meditation- to achieve holiness.

St. Francis de Sales, who wrote the spiritual classic
Introduction to the Devout Life, speaks of the
virtues, especially what he calls the “little virtues,” that
people can apply every day. “We can bring them to our
relational lives – gentleness and kindness, forbearance and
forgiveness, patience, cordiality, and warmth,” said Father
Fiorelli.

After entering the seminary, Father Fiorelli went on to
pursue undergraduate studies in philosophy and modern
languages at Catholic University in Washington and Niagara
University in New York. He then studied in Switzerland before
earning a doctorate in systematic theology from Catholic U.

Ordained Sept. 12, 1970, Father Fiorelli has taught dogmatic
theology and Salesian spirituality in the Washington area and
now serves as chaplain to several lay Salesian groups. He
also is the auxiliary religious assistant to the Sisters of
the Visitation of Holy Mary monasteries in the United States.
He has given courses on Salesian spiritual direction in Rome
and will give one next spring in India.

From 1994 to 2006, Father Fiorelli served as superior general
of the Oblates, a role the order’s constitutions describe as
the “heart and soul” of the congregation.

The superior general does his best to keep the congregation
faithful to its charism of living and spreading the spirit of
St. Francis, said Father Fiorelli.

“Our founder wanted us Oblates to jump ‘feet first’ right
into the midst of the world just as it is and do all in our
power to win it for Christ – always following the example of
Jesus, gentle and humble of heart.”

And that’s what Father Fiorelli has continued to do in his
work with victims: jumping in feet first to attend to the
wounds of the world.

The power of grace

“Salesian spiritual guidance seeks to win hearts through
persuasion, never through force or fear,” said Father
Fiorelli. He said it is the humility and tenderness of St.
Francis de Sales, and his authentic appreciation for each
unique person, that appeals to survivors of abuse.

The challenges of ministering to abuse victims are numerous,
especially if they were betrayed by a member of the clergy.
“Many things associated with the church, its liturgy and its
ministers can act as triggers to adult men and women who were
sexually abused as children by clergy and/or whose pleas for
help were met with skepticism or resistance by church
authorities,” said Father Fiorelli. “A trigger can suddenly
bring all the worst of the memories and feelings back without
warning.

“Trust is an essential element in spiritual guidance,” he
added, “and that may take a very long time to develop.”

A spiritual guide, especially a priest like himself, is often
the “face” of the church for victims. Thus, the spiritual
guide “needs to offer them a sincere and heart-felt apology.”

Listening is similarly important. “Listen to them and to
their stories,” he writes in the webinar draft. “Let them
lead you.”

It’s important to remember, though, that “the Holy Spirit is
the real guide, and it’s OK not to know all the answers,” he
said.

In the search for answers and peace, Father Fiorelli hopes
Veronica’s Veil will offer spiritual assistance not
only to victims of sexual abuse but also victims of other
trauma. According to Father Fiorelli, the book fills a gap in
recovery literature by providing a dialogue between a victim
and a spiritual guide and addressing the recovery process
from a Catholic perspective.

Tackling questions such as “Why me?” and themes like rage,
shame and depression, Green and Father Fiorelli alternately
share their thoughts in short essays. Frank J. Moncher, a
licensed clinical psychologist who works as a psychological
consultant for the Arlington Diocese and Catholic Charities,
periodically contributes his insights.

The last section of the book is not for all readers, as the
introduction notes. Entitled “Reconciliation,” it offers
reflections on sacred topics, such as the sacraments, the
saints and forgiveness, and is for survivors who want and are
able to delve into the Catholic faith.

The book also provides prayers and online and print
resources.

Throughout his spiritual direction, workshops and the
book-writing process, Father Fiorelli has been inspired by
the men and women he has encountered who struggle so fiercely
and keep seeking faith.

“I am humbled by the courage of every victim I have met. They
have had so many obstacles to overcome in their often painful
journey back to God and church,” he said. “Their effort shows
the power of grace that can get through all that darkness.”

Get the book

To reserve an advance copy of Veronica’s Veil: Spiritual
Companionship for Survivors of Abuse – A Guide for
Integrating Faith
, email [email protected].
It will be available on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com in
October.

For information on healing Masses, prayer services and other
support for victims of abuse in the Arlington Diocese, click
here.
For additional healing resources, go to teresagreen.org.

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