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A mother’s strength

Gretchen R. Crowe | Catholic Herald

Three mothers, one story.

Throughout the last quarter-century, the lives of Bernice
Gillespie, Lorraine Ondrasik and Eva Ondrasik have become
forever entwined – an interconnected triangle of motherly
strength, courage and love.

Their story began in 1986, when then-17-year-old Bernice
Clark, a 1986 graduate of Paul VI Catholic High School in
Fairfax, said goodbye to the child she had carried in her
womb for nine months. The teenager wasn’t ready for the
responsibility of motherhood, and knew the new life she had
brought into the world would stand a better chance with a
loving couple yearning for a baby.

That couple was Paul and Lorraine Ondrasik, selected by
Bernice because they had adopted a son a few years before and
because they had a dog. The adoption, arranged through
Catholic Charities, forever changed the lives of the three
women.

For Bernice, it gave her the opportunity to move on with her
life without the burdens connected with supporting an infant;
for Lorraine, it gave her another child she, after trying
seven years to have a biological one of her own, craved; and
for Eva, it gave her the family she needed so that when she
became a mother herself 20 years later, she was best prepared
to face the storm ahead.

The gift of Eva

When Lorraine, a parishioner of St. Thomas à Becket
Parish in Reston, was handed baby Eva by Father Gerry
Creedon, then-director of Catholic Charities, she wasn’t sure
how she felt.

The nurse practitioner had tried for seven years to a child
with Paul before turning to adoption. Three years after
adopting their son, Joe, the couple was blessed with Eva.

Throughout the next two decades, Eva grew up as an Ondrasik.
Different in personality from Lorraine, she was no less loved
because she had been adopted. Unbeknownst to her, she
attended the same alma mater as her birth mother and
graduated from Paul VI in 2003.

With their daughter, Lorraine and Paul were clear from early
on: if Eva ever wanted to take steps to find her birth mom,
she was more than welcome. For that attitude, Eva is very
grateful.

“My parents did it so well,” Eva said. “It was always known.
It was never a secret, and they really made it seem that your
mom is a bright lady, a good person.”

The choice for Eva to seek out her birth mother was driven by
plain curiosity and a desire to thank her.

“I wasn’t looking for a mom. This is my mom,” Eva said,
looking at Lorraine. “I was just looking for more about me,
about my history and about my family. I wanted to thank her
for giving me this family. I’m in this family for a reason
and this is where I belong.”

An unexpected reunion

After placing Eva up for adoption, Bernice never really
expected to see her again. The hope always lingered, but she
didn’t want to set herself up for disappointment.

“I had accepted many years ago, probably when she was 5, that
we wouldn’t have a reunion,” said Bernice, a parishioner of
St. Andrew the Apostle Parish in Clifton, in a recent
interview. “I didn’t want to have so much hope that it was
going to happen because I didn’t know if it was or not. In
order to move on, I had to accept that the next time I would
see her was in heaven.”

When, four years ago, Bernice got the call from Catholic
Charities saying Eva had initiated a search to find her
biological mother, “it kind of stopped me in my tracks,”
Bernice said.

The idea of a reunion turned Bernice into a bundle of nerves.
She didn’t want to disappoint the daughter she hadn’t seen
for so many years, and was anxious to find out what Eva was
looking for.

Once Catholic Charities informed Bernice that Eva was looking
for her to thank her, she began to open her mind to the
possibilities. The day they were to meet, Bernice requested
that Eva be in the waiting room first. Bernice was afraid
that she would startle Eva by immediately running to her and
throwing her arms around her.

Nervous and numb, as Bernice approached the door, she
remembered the way God had intervened in her life up to that
point. She had a vision of her last moments in the hospital
holding her baby girl.

“It was God’s way of saying, ‘you’re ready. This was her
then, now go see her now,'” Bernice said. “When the door
opened, she ran to me.”

The gift of Josh

When Eva turned 20, a few weeks before meeting her birth
mother for the first time, she became pregnant with her now
3-year-old son, Josh. Though the pregnancy was out of wedlock
and unexpected, Eva chose to keep the baby. At 20 weeks, the
pregnancy was labeled high-risk; what doctors thought was a
blockage in the baby’s intestines turned out to be much more
serious.

“We were under the impression that maybe we would spend a
couple of days in the NICU after he was born,” Eva said.
“They let me hold him for like a minute and I literally
didn’t realize I wasn’t going to hold him for another three
weeks.”

Throughout the next two and a half years, three major
surgeries and numerous infections kept Josh, suffering from
Short Bowel Syndrome, often at Georgetown University
Hospital.

Possibly caused by a blood clot while Josh was a fetus, the
illness makes him unable to absorb any food or water. He eats
via a feeding tube connected to a backpack that he carries
around with him. A special formula of very basic nutrients is
pumped directly into his stomach.

From his first moments, Josh’s biggest advocates have been
his mother and adopted grandmother.

“As a young mom, especially, you’re petrified of all the
things you don’t know,” Eva said. “On top of that I literally
couldn’t take care of my own kid without the doctors and
nurses.”

With Josh’s illness, Eva’s reliance on Lorraine became
substantial.

“She’s a force,” Eva said. “There’s nothing she can’t tackle.
I don’t think there’s anything that scares my mom. I would
see the negative of it, and she would just say, ‘no you keep
going.’

There’s no way I could have done this without my mom.”

For this reason, Eva is sure that there is a God at work in
the universe. She knows He picked the perfect family for her
and for her son.

“With Josh’s situation, there is no better team that I could
take care of (him) with,” Eva said. “I’m really lucky to have
been given that family of all families.”

The gift of motherhood

With the strength of Lorraine and the wisdom of Bernice, Eva
has been doubly blessed in advice and support in her role as
a mother. Josh hasn’t returned to the hospital since Sept.
24, 2009.

This Friday, Eva and Bernice, who formed a close relationship
after their reunion, will speak to the freshman class at Paul
VI about the power of adoption and family. Ironically, this
talk was one Bernice gave on her own before she even knew the
identity of Eva – much less that she was attending that very
school. They’ve been giving the presentation in tandem for
the last four years, growing more and more comfortable with
each telling.

The relationship that has sprung up between birth mother and
birth daughter was as unexpected as it is rewarding. They
speak a couple of times each week, and Eva’s birth
grandmother has even taken care of Josh.

“The relationship I had never even thought of,” Bernice said.
“God was saying it was the right time, ‘now I want you to
finish the journey together.'”

Each of these women, in her own way, has made the basic, yet
ultimate sacrifice of motherhood: putting their child’s needs
before their own.

Bernice and Eva chose to be open to life when facing
unexpected pregnancies, and Lorraine welcomed Eva into her
home as her own flesh and blood. With the birth of Josh, Eva
and Lorraine have, without hesitation, done what was
necessary to give him the best life possible.

“It’s been the hardest work I’ve ever done, but it’s been the
most rewarding,” Eva said.

And, just like any mother, she knows “I’ll always be
something huge to someone.”

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