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Ministry offers support following pregnancy loss

Katie Scott | Catholic Herald

Mary McCarthy Hines and her husband, Charles, touch the grave of their daughter, Virginia, who was stillborn this fall. “A m.o.m.s. peace” helped order and install a grave marker for Virginia and honor her life through a remembrance program.

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When Kara Palladino lost a child through miscarriage about a
year ago, she knew she wanted to bury the baby in a way that
honored her Catholic faith.

But after calling a long list of funeral homes and
cemeteries, she couldn’t find any with a plan in place to
bury and memorialize an infant lost before birth. In many
cases the cost was prohibitive, with one cemetery charging
$5,000 for a burial.

The experience motivated Palladino, a parishioner of Holy
Trinity Church in Gainesville, to make the process easier for
other grieving parents. “I didn’t want people to have to
suffer needlessly, to have to hear ‘no’, ‘no,’ ‘no’ when they
are in such a state,” she said. So the mother of seven
(including one deceased) went to work creating “a m.o.m.s.
peace: a ministry for mothers of miscarried and stillborn
souls.”


Read more: Pregnancy loss often is endured in silence and
without sufficient support

The ministry walks families through the burial process and
offers programs to commemorate the young lives. It aligns
with church teaching, but individuals of all faiths are
welcome, said Palladino. Serving families in central and
Northern Virginia, the ministry charges a small fee to cover
costs, which are offset by donations.

Through partnerships with local cemeteries, a m.o.m.s. peace
helps secure an affordable location to bury a child and helps
obtain graveside markers and a casket. The ministry also
serves parents who do not have the baby’s remains. Whether a
woman loses a baby late-term or miscarries just weeks into
the pregnancy, “we are here to embrace her,” said Palladino.

Mary McCarthy Hines, who gave birth to her stillborn daughter
in September, reached out to a m.o.m.s. peace for help
ordering and overseeing the installation of a grave marker.
“When grieving, any amount of help you can get to handle
those logistical details takes such a load off the effort,”
said Hines.

Drawing upon the Holy Trinity community, the ministry also
provides child care and meal support. “When you have a baby
or there is a death, people bring you meals, cards and other
great things,” said Palladino. But when both happen on the
same day, people are unsure how to proceed, she said.

Along with practical support, a m.o.m.s. peace “is about
remembrance,” said Palladino, and providing babies the
“respect and love and dignity they deserve.”

The ministry offers an “Acknowledgement of Life” certificate
and a virtual and physical “Book of Life.” Parents can
include the names of their deceased child online, where they
will be remembered and prayed for, or in the “Book of Life”
at Holy Trinity Church. When the book is full, it is sent to
a monastery or convent where families are prayed for
continually.

“Even before I turned to them for help securing a marker, I
filled out the form to have my daughter remembered,” said
Hines. “I was especially touched that my daughter would not
only be remembered in the short term, but that she would be
prayed for perpetually.”

For families with additional children who may be mourning the
loss of their smallest sibling, fellow Holy Trinity
parishioner Catherine Cobos started a joint ministry called
“a kid’s peace.”

Using games, crafts, discussion time and ceremonial
activities, a kid’s peace helps children from 2 years old
through the teen years to work through their sadness.

“Children need to be able to process their grief as well,”
Palladino said.

Palladino said she’s not aware of anything like a m.o.m.s.
peace elsewhere in the country, but she hopes other programs
will spring up to meet a great, but often hidden, need.

Those mourning a lost child often feel “in a secret club,”
she said, acknowledging that not everyone needs such a
ministry to begin healing.

Palladino is quick to say that a m.o.m.s. peace is nothing
special, but simply her effort to fulfill one of the corporal
works of mercy, which ask the faithful to bury the dead as
well as feed the hungry and clothe the naked. “Kara won’t
even accept thanks for the work that she does,” said Hines.
“Any time I thanked her she said, ‘No, don’t thank me. I’m
doing someone else’s work,’ referring to God working through
her.”

When Palladino speaks of the ministry, she does so with a
compassion that comes from someone who has felt the pain of
losing a child and believes the ministry is a calling.

“The Lord just continues to give me the grace I need,” she
said. “I don’t want my sisters in Christ to do this alone; I
want to give them as much peace as I can.”

Find out more

To learn more about a m.o.m.s. peace and a kid’s peace, or to
support their work, go here.

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