Advice for doctors, healthy eating, caregiving and preventing childhood malnutrition.
Are children worth the cost?
“Are those all your kids?” Now that most of my 12 kids are grown and I’m not wandering the aisles of grocery stores with five or six in tow, I don’t hear those words very often. I miss them. I miss the “Make Way for Ducklings” days when my sweet progeny trailed behind me like I mattered more than anything in the world. With my oldest at 41, adjusting to this phase of motherhood has been going on for a while and I think I’ve got the hang of it. Still, even with half a dozen at home I feel a lot like an empty nester. How grateful I am to have had so many children. How grateful I am that even before I became Catholic I gave up my ZPG (Zero Population Growth) philosophy and learned that children are a resource richer than any we can discover, mine or develop. They are worth every sacrifice of time, money and energy. They are more valuable than anything else I could have produced on my own. They are my only meaningful stake in the future and my offering when I stand before my heavenly Father, hoping to hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” But God gave me a little taste of that heaven last week. Maddy (number nine) and I decided at the last minute to surprise Big Sis Sophia (number seven) at college to catch a recital she thought no one in her family could attend. I will never forget the expression of joy on her face as she threw her arms around her sister. Later we treated ourselves to dinner, shopped for the starving college student at Goodwill and Walmart, and went back to her room to watch a chick flick on her laptop. Then Sophia took her two-mattress stack apart and laid them side by side so she and Maddy and I could have a full-size bed on the floor. Maddy fell asleep instantly but Sophia — who’s always been a more tentative sleeper — talked and talked and talked. The moment was so beautiful I could scarcely breathe. I was thanking God for the years of sacrifice — sleepless nights, dirty diapers and highchair cleanup — which had earned these mystical moments hearing the new discoveries made by a grown-up son or daughter. And then she said something I’ll never, ever forget. "Mommy, I love you so much. Thank you so much for having a big family. I love my brothers and sisters so much. I know you and dad sacrificed a lot to have all of us, but I can't imagine life without all of them." The world teaches us that children come with a cost. But they don’t teach you that they come with a reward. The reward is the harmony created in a home centered on God and His purpose. In all the years I’ve been listening, no mom has ever told me she wished she had fewer children, but at least 100 have told me they wish they had more. Children, too, are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. (Ps 127:4) Not a burden, a reward. Curtis, who blogs at mommylife.net, is a mother of 12 and author from Bluemont.
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Thank you. I truly love this story! Besides the blessed 'reward' of my own two children (16 and 40 years old). I feel this is the perfect place to share my mothers story:
"A Gift to Her by God"
She woke up early morning before the dawn of light, and started cooking a large pot of oatmeal, while she put a fresh stick of butter on the table to soften for spreading on our toast. In- between warming a bottle of milk for the baby she managed to put on a pot of coffee, in hope that she’d sip it while checking our school bags for sharpened pencils, copybooks, milk money, and nickels for recess. She gently held the baby to her chest with one arm while helping the younger ones button their shirts, or tying their shoes, or pulling up their pants after they left the bathroom. She walked us to the front door with the baby still in her arms, and toddlers hanging on the hem of her house dress, while she checked the outside weather and told us to put on a sweater or jacket and waved good-bye.
She began washing the breakfast dishes, and put clothing in the washing machine that usually ran all hours until we came home at lunchtime. We always had sandwiches that were ready made with fresh bread, ham, cheese, and a tall glass of milk, and a banana to eat on the way back to school. We were excited to get home after the school day ended to have a snack of homemade cake and play outside or watch cartoons on TV. We didn’t have a lot of chores after school because she always made sure that our playing outside in the fresh air took priority towards our well being of physical exercise.
The greatest joy shown on her face through watching us children laugh and play while she prepared dinner. We could always depend on fresh meat (that most children like) as; chicken, hamburger, or pork chops, with mashed potatoes, gravy, corn or green beans. We were never forced to eat what our taste buds hadn’t yet developed to acquire. She laughed at each and every one of our silly stories at the dinner table while spoon feeding one of the toddlers in a high chair, or heating up some warm milk for the hungry crying baby. The only thing that she asked of us is that we help take over the spoon feeding for the toddlers (when we were finished eating ourselves), or watch over them in the playpen while she did the dinner dishes and cleaned up the messes that were left behind.
She taught us virtues, morals, and the value of love, laughter, and honesty, with kindness. A day never went by that didn’t include her conversations with God that she'd share with us. She’s done this her whole life, ever since the first day she got married at sixteen years old and had a child every year after.
She never hollered, used profanity, wore make-up, or owned any clothing other than housedresses. We never heard her complain, but, only voice the joy and satisfaction over preparing an abundant meal, or the fragrance of freshly laundered clothes and a sparkling clean house.
She hardly asked for outside help, even from my father. Her greatest challenge in life was keeping her marriage vowels blessed with the demands of a dominant husband. She understood the 'misgivings' of the old school’s philosophy that were put upon a man’s success, of enabling him power over the whole family, that only brought compassion towards him more. She miraculously was able to overcome all the odds that were against her by keeping her focus on the wellness and joys of the family through the simplicity of meekness and love. She put everyone’s needs before her own as though they were treasures and counted her blessings to serve.
She was certainly different from all the rest because she had given up her life - A sacred duty of responsibility for ‘seventeen’ children that she nurtured practically on her own. She completely turned around what could have been a devastating situation of lack, (perhaps for the majority of families), to one of the most loving families a child is proud to belong. She did this by staying on the same (age) level of communication with each and every child that was under her care. With what little education from elementary school that she had; she certainly found the internal teacher that is implanted within that shown her way through faith, hope, and love. (Which in my eyes have been made by God.)
Her health started to fail when her youngest child was six years old. The strength in her legs weakened, causing pain, and she developed partial blindness from Diabetes. I can still hear her whispers of prayers and envision her kneeling before the Crucifix 'pleading' for ten more years of good health to continue her promise of taking care of the children. Her passion of love and joy for the children was her greatest power of strength and hope in life that her health miraculously returned until she met God face to face ten years after.
Mrs. Curtis,
Thanks for this lovely meditation. Although I have been a Catholic my entire life, and never considered not having children an option, I certainly had been affected by our culture's negative view of children. Before I had my son I couldn't see why anyone would be willing to go through all that pain and trouble without the religious conviction that married people must be open to life.
Now that I am a mother I understand. I have been astonished by how much joy simply being with my son gives me. Of course I knew that a mother loves her child, but I didn't understand that love means delighting in your child. I'm sure I'd read many women trying to say just that thing before, but I think its impossible to express to someone who hasn't experienced it.