Congratulations — you’re having a baby! Time to pick a paint color for the nursery, decide on a name and choose godparents for your bundle of joy. While the church does have basic requirements for who can serve in this important spiritual role, parents ultimately have to discern who would be the best fit for their child.
“The godparents’ role is to help the parents raise the child in the faith,” said Msgr. Paul F. deLadurantaye, diocesan chancellor. “Ask yourself, ‘If something happened to me, would this person be a good example of a faithful Catholic for my child?’ ”
Joemy and Chris Fernandez, parishioners of St. James Church in Falls Church, both had lovely godparents, but they didn’t play an active role in their faith lives. When it came time to choose godparents for their own two girls, Joemy and Chris wanted to honor close family members and friends while at the same time only choosing people they knew took their faith seriously. “It’s so important that people understand the commitment they’re taking (on as godparents),” said Chris. “It’s a lifelong responsibility.”
The couple chose Joemy’s brother and sister-in-law for their first child and Chris’ brother and a close friend of Joemy’s for their second child. Chris sees his children’s godparents not only as spiritual examples for his children, but for him as well. “I know (my brother’s) commitment to his own faith, and it inspires me more often than I probably give him credit for,” he said. “So it’s really a blessing.”
Doug and Jenna Murphy, parishioners of St. Catherine of Siena Church in Great Falls, have six children: Amalia, 5, twins Pippa and Colette, 3, and triplets Lockhart, Vincent and Leonora, 1. They wanted godparents who would pray for their children daily, who would be present when they received the sacraments and who would commemorate their children’s feast days and baptismal anniversaries. When they were pregnant with their twins, they decided to choose godparents who had more family life experience than couples with children their own kids’ ages.
“We wanted to look outside of our peer group and look at people whose faith and family we admired,” said Doug. “We selected some people who are a decade ahead of us, so they have a little bit more bandwidth to be at a lot of these events (like first Communions).”
When they had their triplets, the Murphys again chose the two couples who are godparents to their twins, in addition to another seasoned couple. Their children’s godparents became a second family to Doug and Jenna as they navigated life with triplets. “(Our children’s godparents have) become one of the greatest blessings because, as you can imagine, having the twins and the triplets within 18 months required so much spiritual, financial, literal support,” said Jenna. “These couples really spearheaded a lot of (that).”
When Max and Callie Kolasch were considering godparents for their son Kolbe, they wanted to choose faithful Catholics who could be physically present in their child’s life and walk alongside their growing family. The couple, parishioners of St. Thomas à Becket Church in Reston, already knew they could count on the prayers and encouragement of their family members. So they decided to choose close friends as their child’s godparents. “We wanted to take this opportunity to add additional people into our child’s life to pray for them and to keep us accountable and be an example to them,” said Callie. “We added to the team,” said Max.
These days, Max and Callie often find themselves sitting next to their son’s godparents at daily Mass. Afterward, Max will head to work and Callie will visit the godparents’ home to chat over a cup of coffee. “They’re not just our closest, longest friends — we have the sort of relationship where we can talk about spiritual things,” said Callie. “I know for certain they pray for him every day (and) they’re always so joyful and give (him) special attention when we see them.”
The couple advises parents to not fall into the politics of godparent picking. “(Don’t think), ‘Well if we pick one of your friends, then we have to pick one of my friends (next). Or, ‘If we pick this person, then this person will feel like they should be chosen next.’ Or, ‘These people chose us so we have to choose them,’ ” she said. “It can be tough and potentially uncomfortable or awkward, but in the end you’re doing what you think is best for your child.”
If parents don’t feel that any of their close friends or family members would be able to serve as godparents, Msgr. deLadurantaye advises them to talk to their parish priest, who may be able to recommend a fellow parishioner for the role. “It would be also possible even for a member of the clergy to act as a godparents,” he said.
Jenna Murphy encourages godparent-seekers to get involved in their parish, especially in ministries that lead to intergenerational friendships. “Get to daily Mass, join the women’s group,” she said. “The purpose of the narthex after Mass is to get to know the parish, not just someone in your stage of life.” Doug also has a suggestion for parents. “I don’t have any godchildren and I’m just sitting back there waiting for someone to ask,” he joked.
Some of Patty Navarro’s 62 godchildren are family members. But mostly she has met them at church, whether through her role as a baptism class teacher with her husband, Armando, or through her involvement as a lector and Eucharistic minister during Spanish Masses at St. Joseph Church in Herndon. Patty and Armando experienced the hardship of being unable to have their own children, but they feel blessed to have so many godchildren. “God chose me for a reason not to be a biological mom, but he chose me to be a spiritual mom,” said Patty.
Patty believes praying for her godchildren is the biggest gift she can give them. She also tries as much as possible to be present in the lives of her godchildren, particularly during the hard times. “Some of my godchildren have lost a parent, or a lot of them have had parents separate,” she said. “I thank God that I’ve been able to listen to them, to have words of advice. I always pray to God that he gives me the words that I need, because I know that what I say can change their lives — for the better or for the worse.
“It’s a big responsibility,” she said. “But it’s an amazing responsibility as well.”
Tips for godparents:
- Pray for your godchildren daily
- Call or send a card on their birthday, baptismal anniversary or feast day
- Attend their baptism, first Communion, confirmation, wedding or ordination
- Give them religious gifts, such as toys, books or jewelry
- Meet their family for Sunday Mass and a meal afterward
- Take them on one-on-one outings
- Live a life of holiness
What does the church teach about choosing godparents?
Canon law says:
- A person only needs one godparent, or a combination of one male and one female godparent.
- The godparent must be at least 16 years old.
- He or she must be a practicing Catholic who has received first holy Communion and confirmation.
- Godparents cannot be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared.
- The godparent cannot be the mother or father of the child being baptized.
- A baptized, non-Catholic Christian cannot be a godparent but they can serve as a Christian witness alongside a godparent.
Maraist is a freelancer from Reston.
