My friend Mrs. Berry used to say that a change is as good as a rest. In hindsight, I think this was her way of convincing herself that a vacation was restful despite the fact that every mother knows that family vacations (let’s just call them “family trips” instead) are usually a whole lot of the same work as at home, only in a different location with a bunch of people who are disoriented by changes in schedule and environment. A change is rarely anything like a rest.... More
My friend Mrs. Berry used to say that a change is as good as a rest. In hindsight, I think this was her way of convincing herself that a vacation was restful despite the fact that every mother knows that family vacations (let’s just call them “family trips” instead) are usually a whole lot of the same work as at home, only in a different location with a bunch of people who are disoriented by changes in schedule and environment. A change is rarely anything like a rest.
Have you ever stopped to wonder in awe at the power of an apology? So many supernatural things have to happen for an apology to be everything it has the potential to be. Apologies are kind of here-now miracles that can happen to everyday people every day. If only we cooperate. ... More
Have you ever stopped to wonder in awe at the power of an apology? So many supernatural things have to happen for an apology to be everything it has the potential to be. Apologies are kind of here-now miracles that can happen to everyday people every day. If only we cooperate.
There’s something crazy happening out there in summer camp world. It’s as if everyone is making up for lost time. Camps are filled to overflowing with waiting lists for the waiting list. And parents are worried. How are we going to keep kids occupied this summer? ... More
There’s something crazy happening out there in summer camp world. It’s as if everyone is making up for lost time. Camps are filled to overflowing with waiting lists for the waiting list. And parents are worried. How are we going to keep kids occupied this summer?
I noticed it first in the bookstore. A brightly colored table full of self-help books interspersed with flip flops and beach blankets promised readers that this would be the summer they’d finally become the best version of themselves. If only they’d crack open the books and do the right things and change the wrong thoughts, all would be well. Later that day, as if to beat me over the head with the message, I saw it as a meme on social media. ... More
I noticed it first in the bookstore. A brightly colored table full of self-help books interspersed with flip flops and beach blankets promised readers that this would be the summer they’d finally become the best version of themselves. If only they’d crack open the books and do the right things and change the wrong thoughts, all would be well. Later that day, as if to beat me over the head with the message, I saw it as a meme on social media.
Sometimes, especially as parents in times of trial, we can feel very much alone. We can feel as if the world — or at least our children’s small worlds — depends entirely upon us. We feel as if we are the vine and they are the branches and their very lifeblood runs through us and only through us. Of course, this isn’t true at all. ... More
Sometimes, especially as parents in times of trial, we can feel very much alone. We can feel as if the world — or at least our children’s small worlds — depends entirely upon us. We feel as if we are the vine and they are the branches and their very lifeblood runs through us and only through us. Of course, this isn’t true at all.
Two things recently coincided to get me thinking about family culture. At first glance, they are fairly disparate. Look a little closer, and they dovetail perfectly. My adult son Patrick was asked to consider his family mission statement in a business school assignment. As part of the assignment, he asked me, his dad and his siblings what we thought our family mission is. That sparked some treasured conversation with Patrick. The other thing was pondering the Good Shepherd over three days’ liturgies during the fourth week of Easter. I promise: This all fits together. ... More
Two things recently coincided to get me thinking about family culture. At first glance, they are fairly disparate. Look a little closer, and they dovetail perfectly. My adult son Patrick was asked to consider his family mission statement in a business school assignment. As part of the assignment, he asked me, his dad and his siblings what we thought our family mission is. That sparked some treasured conversation with Patrick. The other thing was pondering the Good Shepherd over three days’ liturgies during the fourth week of Easter. I promise: This all fits together.
“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are Easter people and Alleluia is our song.” St. John Paul II Alleluia is our song. But do we dare sing it? ... More
“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are Easter people and Alleluia is our song.” St. John Paul II Alleluia is our song. But do we dare sing it?
Lent.The word has always signified a sacrifice to me — a subtraction, a forfeit, a paring down, a letting go. We try to eliminate the distractions, to focus on the most essential. Actually, though, a quick etymological discovery trail casts a different light on the very word.... More
Lent.
The word has always signified a sacrifice to me — a subtraction, a forfeit, a paring down, a letting go. We try to eliminate the distractions, to focus on the most essential. Actually, though, a quick etymological discovery trail casts a different light on the very word.
The towels are folded in half horizontally and then in half vertically and stacked on the shelf every which way, instead of with the folded side lined up against the edge. I sigh. They fit so much better and they look so much better when they are folded in half horizontally, then in thirds, then in half again. So folded, they are easily tucked into the shelves, all folded edges out, and they look tidy and controlled. Glancing right and left down the narrow hallway, I wonder if I have time to refold them all before the person who folded them the “wrong” way finds me standing here. No chance of that. ... More
The towels are folded in half horizontally and then in half vertically and stacked on the shelf every which way, instead of with the folded side lined up against the edge. I sigh. They fit so much better and they look so much better when they are folded in half horizontally, then in thirds, then in half again. So folded, they are easily tucked into the shelves, all folded edges out, and they look tidy and controlled. Glancing right and left down the narrow hallway, I wonder if I have time to refold them all before the person who folded them the “wrong” way finds me standing here. No chance of that.
It’s been a year now since we began the Lent that seemed to never end. All the forces of the world out there seemed to work against a holy and meaningful Lent. And then, Easter came and we were locked out of the churches, kept separate from one another. What is so interesting to me is how that unusual Lent propelled so many people deeper into the practices that pull us away from what we want in Lent. What a party the devil had in the depths of our despair. ... More
It’s been a year now since we began the Lent that seemed to never end. All the forces of the world out there seemed to work against a holy and meaningful Lent. And then, Easter came and we were locked out of the churches, kept separate from one another. What is so interesting to me is how that unusual Lent propelled so many people deeper into the practices that pull us away from what we want in Lent. What a party the devil had in the depths of our despair.
It is my first winter in the Northeast. Here, snow falls upon fallen snow. Great mounds are piled in parking lots and driveway margins, and one wonders if they will melt before April. I’ve been outside quite a lot, actually. Though I have neglected to buy drapes or rugs for our new house, we are all fully outfitted in appropriate attire for comfortably spending hours outdoors even in February. ... More
It is my first winter in the Northeast. Here, snow falls upon fallen snow. Great mounds are piled in parking lots and driveway margins, and one wonders if they will melt before April. I’ve been outside quite a lot, actually. Though I have neglected to buy drapes or rugs for our new house, we are all fully outfitted in appropriate attire for comfortably spending hours outdoors even in February.
What if we have it all backward? What if rest isn’t so much about what we do when we sink into bed exhausted at the end of a busy day as it is about a quiet moment in the hush of the morning? Often, we persuade ourselves that we are tired and we aren’t resting well because we’re so busy serving — working for our families, caring for our children, tending our gardens, keeping our homes. In truth, we are tired because we forget we are to work as unto the Lord, and instead, we work as if we think we’re the Lord. ... More
What if we have it all backward? What if rest isn’t so much about what we do when we sink into bed exhausted at the end of a busy day as it is about a quiet moment in the hush of the morning? Often, we persuade ourselves that we are tired and we aren’t resting well because we’re so busy serving — working for our families, caring for our children, tending our gardens, keeping our homes. In truth, we are tired because we forget we are to work as unto the Lord, and instead, we work as if we think we’re the Lord.
If ever there was a time the whole world was ready for a new year, this is it. Collectively, we replace the old calendar with a new one and exhale a sigh of relief. Just a small one. We inhale hope. But it’s a guarded breath. No one really believes that changing the date from 2020 to 2021 will right all that’s wrong. No one really believes that hope springs from the crisp page of a new year yet uncluttered with the jottings of our days. Everyone agrees we are a weary world in need of a fresh infusion of hope. ... More
If ever there was a time the whole world was ready for a new year, this is it. Collectively, we replace the old calendar with a new one and exhale a sigh of relief. Just a small one. We inhale hope. But it’s a guarded breath. No one really believes that changing the date from 2020 to 2021 will right all that’s wrong. No one really believes that hope springs from the crisp page of a new year yet uncluttered with the jottings of our days. Everyone agrees we are a weary world in need of a fresh infusion of hope.
“Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means, “God is with us” (Mt 1:23). ... More
“Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means, “God is with us” (Mt 1:23).
Since moving to Connecticut, I’ve grown to appreciate the seasons even more than when I lived in Virginia. Sure, northern Virginia has four distinct seasons, but they somehow seem more distinct here, the transitions between them sharper, clearer. And just as the natural seasons are more defined here, so are the liturgical seasons more clearly defined this year — the year of the everything unprecedented. It’s not the same old Advent come again. It’s new. ... More
Since moving to Connecticut, I’ve grown to appreciate the seasons even more than when I lived in Virginia. Sure, northern Virginia has four distinct seasons, but they somehow seem more distinct here, the transitions between them sharper, clearer. And just as the natural seasons are more defined here, so are the liturgical seasons more clearly defined this year — the year of the everything unprecedented. It’s not the same old Advent come again. It’s new.
"They're shutting down Christmas," she muttered as she bagged my groceries without lifting her eyes. "Simple as that. There won't be Christmas this year."... More
"They're shutting down Christmas," she muttered as she bagged my groceries without lifting her eyes. "Simple as that. There won't be Christmas this year."
This time, let’s just skip the election altogether and write the post-election column. This is a brave move because, of course, it’s 2020, and truly, the only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know a thing for sure. ... More
This time, let’s just skip the election altogether and write the post-election column. This is a brave move because, of course, it’s 2020, and truly, the only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know a thing for sure.
I was recently comparing translations of the story of Martha and Mary, and the choice of the word “burdened” in one version compared to “distracted” in another caught my attention. ... More
I was recently comparing translations of the story of Martha and Mary, and the choice of the word “burdened” in one version compared to “distracted” in another caught my attention.
Yesterday, someone said that this has been her year of restlessness, of tossing and turning and rarely sleeping well. Her head hits the pillow and her brain goes into hyperdrive. All the scenarios. All the internal conversations. All night long. With the dawn, she is not rested and is even more poorly equipped to face the day than when she went to bed. Still, she launches headlong into a day of serving. She works hard, and then she works some more. She does it because she wants to have control, particularly when it seems as if the world is spinning wildly. She wants to fix things, make them right, heal them. I think many of us have lived the days and nights that she describes. ... More
Yesterday, someone said that this has been her year of restlessness, of tossing and turning and rarely sleeping well. Her head hits the pillow and her brain goes into hyperdrive. All the scenarios. All the internal conversations. All night long. With the dawn, she is not rested and is even more poorly equipped to face the day than when she went to bed. Still, she launches headlong into a day of serving. She works hard, and then she works some more. She does it because she wants to have control, particularly when it seems as if the world is spinning wildly. She wants to fix things, make them right, heal them. I think many of us have lived the days and nights that she describes.
I went down to the basement this morning to put away some frozen food and to store some canning jars on a shelf. I flipped on the appropriate lights and navigated my way around still-unpacked moving boxes. After unloading my items and making my way upstairs, I turned off all the lights without thinking. This simple act was a milestone. The lights and switches aren’t really intuitive, and you have to truly know the place to know which ones do which thing. To do something in this house without consciously thinking through the steps felt like a victory. Maybe one day, if I can acquire enough of these little victories, I will feel at home. ... More
I went down to the basement this morning to put away some frozen food and to store some canning jars on a shelf. I flipped on the appropriate lights and navigated my way around still-unpacked moving boxes. After unloading my items and making my way upstairs, I turned off all the lights without thinking. This simple act was a milestone. The lights and switches aren’t really intuitive, and you have to truly know the place to know which ones do which thing. To do something in this house without consciously thinking through the steps felt like a victory. Maybe one day, if I can acquire enough of these little victories, I will feel at home.
A fierce storm blew through my new village last week. They say we were on the dirty side of the storm —mighty winds that peeled huge trees as if they were overripe bananas, but barely enough rain to dampen the birdbaths. In the aftermath, the garden was a tangle of leaves and twigs and some rather large appendages of stately oaks and elms. We lost power. ... More
A fierce storm blew through my new village last week. They say we were on the dirty side of the storm —mighty winds that peeled huge trees as if they were overripe bananas, but barely enough rain to dampen the birdbaths. In the aftermath, the garden was a tangle of leaves and twigs and some rather large appendages of stately oaks and elms. We lost power.
We are weary. We are discouraged. We are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, almost certain that, in the context of 2020, when we see it, it will be an oncoming train. Hope wanes. And when hope wanes, faith falters and love struggles against indifference. Did I mention yet that we are on the brink of election season? We’re in a world of hurt, and we need to shore ourselves up for the storm set to crash upon an already battered, badly eroded beach. ... More
We are weary. We are discouraged. We are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, almost certain that, in the context of 2020, when we see it, it will be an oncoming train. Hope wanes. And when hope wanes, faith falters and love struggles against indifference. Did I mention yet that we are on the brink of election season? We’re in a world of hurt, and we need to shore ourselves up for the storm set to crash upon an already battered, badly eroded beach.
I spent a few hours in utter frustration several days ago. The goal planner that I’d so carefully tucked into a very specific drawer before the packers came was nowhere to be found. At the last minute, our movers canceled and new movers were hired. The first movers had advised us not to empty drawers; they’d move with contents intact. The newly hired movers took everything out of drawers and put them in boxes — so many boxes. And my place to sketch out goals and dreams and to journal my way through the year still has not been found. ... More
I spent a few hours in utter frustration several days ago. The goal planner that I’d so carefully tucked into a very specific drawer before the packers came was nowhere to be found. At the last minute, our movers canceled and new movers were hired. The first movers had advised us not to empty drawers; they’d move with contents intact. The newly hired movers took everything out of drawers and put them in boxes — so many boxes. And my place to sketch out goals and dreams and to journal my way through the year still has not been found.
Last week, I moved into a very old house. It’s more than 250 years old. This new-to-me house is steeped in history. It’s also exceedingly dusty and has not a few dents and dings to its name. Before moving here, I was an admirer of old houses; I thought them lovely to tour and to visit — and then to leave, escaping to modern conveniences and sparkling clean baseboards. I admit here and now that I was skeptical about “old house love.” ... More
Last week, I moved into a very old house. It’s more than 250 years old. This new-to-me house is steeped in history. It’s also exceedingly dusty and has not a few dents and dings to its name. Before moving here, I was an admirer of old houses; I thought them lovely to tour and to visit — and then to leave, escaping to modern conveniences and sparkling clean baseboards. I admit here and now that I was skeptical about “old house love.”
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Mt 6:19–21). ... More
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Mt 6:19–21).
In January, I had spring 2020 meticulously planned. I sketched it out in detail in not one, but three planners. I had a long-range view, a daily up-close detail, and something that fell in between and was open to all the inevitable entries from the outside world that would surely fill the squares. In February, we made sweeping, lifechanging decisions. Those planners each took on new importance. ... More
In January, I had spring 2020 meticulously planned. I sketched it out in detail in not one, but three planners. I had a long-range view, a daily up-close detail, and something that fell in between and was open to all the inevitable entries from the outside world that would surely fill the squares. In February, we made sweeping, lifechanging decisions. Those planners each took on new importance.
The challenge of writing a column during Coronatide is that one is never quite sure what life will look like two weeks hence. Will we still be “quarantined”? At this writing, we have been safe at home for 50 days. That means that technically we are 10 days past a quarantine. I’m quite certain no one was counting on using the strict definition of the word. What I do know as I write this morning is, no matter what, we will not have returned to “normal” when this column is published. ... More
The challenge of writing a column during Coronatide is that one is never quite sure what life will look like two weeks hence. Will we still be “quarantined”? At this writing, we have been safe at home for 50 days. That means that technically we are 10 days past a quarantine. I’m quite certain no one was counting on using the strict definition of the word. What I do know as I write this morning is, no matter what, we will not have returned to “normal” when this column is published.
There is so much we don’t know, so much we can’t assume. These days call for humility and patience. They call for genuine spiritual transformation that cannot be measured in terms of creative productivity. We have been called to slow our movements, to limit our reach, to focus almost exclusively on what is close and near. In that slowness, our senses sharpen. What matters most can come into focus.... More
There is so much we don’t know, so much we can’t assume. These days call for humility and patience. They call for genuine spiritual transformation that cannot be measured in terms of creative productivity. We have been called to slow our movements, to limit our reach, to focus almost exclusively on what is close and near. In that slowness, our senses sharpen. What matters most can come into focus.
We are now far enough into Lent to remember how hard it is to keep the lofty promises one made to oneself on Ash Wednesday. ... More
We are now far enough into Lent to remember how hard it is to keep the lofty promises one made to oneself on Ash Wednesday.
What if this Lent, this were the goal? To live is Christ. ... More
What if this Lent, this were the goal? To live is Christ.
I am a goal-setter. I love the way hope unfolds on the pages of a new planner at the beginning of a new year. Everything seems possible. At least it did. For years and years, I’d stubbornly set goals and optimistically expect to achieve them. Many times, I did. I dreamed up big projects and then pushed through to see them to completion. I quantified fitness and then pushed to check all the boxes. I started the year striving and I kept striving. ... More
I am a goal-setter. I love the way hope unfolds on the pages of a new planner at the beginning of a new year. Everything seems possible. At least it did. For years and years, I’d stubbornly set goals and optimistically expect to achieve them. Many times, I did. I dreamed up big projects and then pushed through to see them to completion. I quantified fitness and then pushed to check all the boxes. I started the year striving and I kept striving.
They walked together to the altar — a tiny boy, just learning to walk and still unsteady, and his mother who held tightly to his hand as he tried to run. ... More
They walked together to the altar — a tiny boy, just learning to walk and still unsteady, and his mother who held tightly to his hand as he tried to run.
What do you want this year to look like? Prayerfully, what does God call you to create this year? How will you grow into your vocation in the next 12 months? Don’t google a list. Don’t create a list of what you think someone wants from you. Don’t work up a list that you think someone you admire would create. Make your list. This is your life. You were created for a unique purpose. Spend some time discerning what that purpose is. ... More
What do you want this year to look like? Prayerfully, what does God call you to create this year? How will you grow into your vocation in the next 12 months? Don’t google a list. Don’t create a list of what you think someone wants from you. Don’t work up a list that you think someone you admire would create. Make your list. This is your life. You were created for a unique purpose. Spend some time discerning what that purpose is.
Someone recently sent me screenshots of a Facebook conversation on a public forum and asked my opinion. I scrolled through — horrified — and had so many things to say. ... More
Someone recently sent me screenshots of a Facebook conversation on a public forum and asked my opinion. I scrolled through — horrified — and had so many things to say.
With Thanksgiving approaching, a popular TV host whose very name is Joy advised her audience to use the “beloved American food holiday” as an opportunity to engage those gathered around the table in contentious political debate. ... More
With Thanksgiving approaching, a popular TV host whose very name is Joy advised her audience to use the “beloved American food holiday” as an opportunity to engage those gathered around the table in contentious political debate.
Liturgically, November is the month during which we are especially mindful of death — ours and that of the people who have gone before us. ... More
Liturgically, November is the month during which we are especially mindful of death — ours and that of the people who have gone before us.
Recently, I was challenged by a friend. I shared with her how important my faith was to living a life of joy. ... More
Recently, I was challenged by a friend. I shared with her how important my faith was to living a life of joy.
We have drifted so far from the recollected life of freedom in the kingdom of God that we frequently don’t recognize the masters that make us slaves. Further, we fail to recognize the ways we can be set free. The church enables us to live in freedom, to punctuate the moments of our days in order to keep us tethered only to the will of God.... More
We have drifted so far from the recollected life of freedom in the kingdom of God that we frequently don’t recognize the masters that make us slaves. Further, we fail to recognize the ways we can be set free. The church enables us to live in freedom, to punctuate the moments of our days in order to keep us tethered only to the will of God.
Homemaking is a craft; it is a holy offering. It is what we do when we take a white space and make it into a prepared environment that both quickens hearts and soothes bodies. Home is where the bounty of the earth becomes the substance and sustenance that genuinely fuels the life of a family. It is where the day begins in a quiet corner predestined for its holy task. ... More
Homemaking is a craft; it is a holy offering. It is what we do when we take a white space and make it into a prepared environment that both quickens hearts and soothes bodies. Home is where the bounty of the earth becomes the substance and sustenance that genuinely fuels the life of a family. It is where the day begins in a quiet corner predestined for its holy task.
As long as we live, there is still time. It’s true that never again will we utter the words, “I have no regret.” But with every mistake offered to him with contrition, we have a new opportunity to live in the present. ... More
As long as we live, there is still time. It’s true that never again will we utter the words, “I have no regret.” But with every mistake offered to him with contrition, we have a new opportunity to live in the present.
Why has the conversation around “emotional labor” as defined in the first two examples become so important? I think, in part, that we want to be seen, and the work of those first two definitions is mostly little and hidden. It’s the myriad of intentional movements that make up such a large part of our lives but that go unnoticed unless we don’t do them. They are the small, ordinary, but often sacred threads that, stitched together, are a life of holiness in service to others. ... More
Why has the conversation around “emotional labor” as defined in the first two examples become so important? I think, in part, that we want to be seen, and the work of those first two definitions is mostly little and hidden. It’s the myriad of intentional movements that make up such a large part of our lives but that go unnoticed unless we don’t do them. They are the small, ordinary, but often sacred threads that, stitched together, are a life of holiness in service to others.
For fifteen minutes or half an hour or even an hour—depending on the day—I’m about as close to heaven as I can get. I have fallen in love with this place and this time. Mostly though, I’ve fallen in love with Christ exposed. I cannot articulate the perceptible change in my spirit since acquiring this habit, and I will claim my right as a Catholic grandmother to just smile and say, “It’s a mystery.” ... More
For fifteen minutes or half an hour or even an hour—depending on the day—I’m about as close to heaven as I can get. I have fallen in love with this place and this time. Mostly though, I’ve fallen in love with Christ exposed. I cannot articulate the perceptible change in my spirit since acquiring this habit, and I will claim my right as a Catholic grandmother to just smile and say, “It’s a mystery.”
In an effort to start the summer with a clean slate, I bravely went into the library with a family’s worth of cards and cleared up all our overdue fines. ... More
In an effort to start the summer with a clean slate, I bravely went into the library with a family’s worth of cards and cleared up all our overdue fines.
It’s been nearly a year now since we learned about the heinous deeds of once-Cardinal McCarrick and then sat, washed over by grief and anger, reading the Pennsylvania attorney general’s report of decades of abuse of children by priests. At once heartbroken and infuriated, Catholics in the United States have grappled with the reality of disappointment, disillusionment and distrust. We have waited for words that make sense of what has happened and set a tone for the future. ... More
It’s been nearly a year now since we learned about the heinous deeds of once-Cardinal McCarrick and then sat, washed over by grief and anger, reading the Pennsylvania attorney general’s report of decades of abuse of children by priests. At once heartbroken and infuriated, Catholics in the United States have grappled with the reality of disappointment, disillusionment and distrust. We have waited for words that make sense of what has happened and set a tone for the future.
What I really want more than anything are days of a simple liturgy of joy. Not a formal liturgy inside a church building (though there will room for daily Mass) — but a purposeful season where the routines and rhythms and practices of daily life are inclined toward the quiet and the ordinary. After a season of noise and hustle, I look forward to a summer of simple, of returning to what I want, deep down.... More
What I really want more than anything are days of a simple liturgy of joy. Not a formal liturgy inside a church building (though there will room for daily Mass) — but a purposeful season where the routines and rhythms and practices of daily life are inclined toward the quiet and the ordinary. After a season of noise and hustle, I look forward to a summer of simple, of returning to what I want, deep down.
I had this mental image of life as a book, each decade its own chapter and the story unfolding with time. But who is writing the story? There is a tension between acknowledging God as author and also recognizing that we own our stories. ... More
I had this mental image of life as a book, each decade its own chapter and the story unfolding with time. But who is writing the story? There is a tension between acknowledging God as author and also recognizing that we own our stories.
On the Monday of Holy Week, we stuffed several dozen plastic eggs with sweet treasures and bound them tightly in a large plastic bag and put them in the back of the car so that I wouldn’t forget them. Then, we drove them nearly 400 miles north to hide them in the magical backyard of the house where my grandchildren live. On Easter Sunday, those four little ones and my two youngest children searched for bright eggs under daffodils and yet-to-bloom lilies. With every splash of color, there was a little burst of expectant joy. Always, always from the littlest to the biggest, we are a people on the hunt for joy. ... More
On the Monday of Holy Week, we stuffed several dozen plastic eggs with sweet treasures and bound them tightly in a large plastic bag and put them in the back of the car so that I wouldn’t forget them. Then, we drove them nearly 400 miles north to hide them in the magical backyard of the house where my grandchildren live. On Easter Sunday, those four little ones and my two youngest children searched for bright eggs under daffodils and yet-to-bloom lilies. With every splash of color, there was a little burst of expectant joy. Always, always from the littlest to the biggest, we are a people on the hunt for joy.
I am fond of saying that home should be a soft place to land. I believe it to the core of my being. I have always wanted to parent in such a way that my children know that when they walk through our doors they will find refuge. We’ll challenge them to live lives of virtue, but we’ll also be the place where they can ask honest questions, sort things out, and admit mistakes knowing that love is always unconditional.... More
I am fond of saying that home should be a soft place to land. I believe it to the core of my being. I have always wanted to parent in such a way that my children know that when they walk through our doors they will find refuge. We’ll challenge them to live lives of virtue, but we’ll also be the place where they can ask honest questions, sort things out, and admit mistakes knowing that love is always unconditional.
As I write, I’ve just begun a 15-hour trip home from a family vacation in the Magic Kingdom. ... More
As I write, I’ve just begun a 15-hour trip home from a family vacation in the Magic Kingdom.
I have a ritual I love. In the octave of Christmas, when the rush settles into cozy contentment and time unfolds a little more slowly, I sit with an extraordinary spiral-bound goal planner that might double as a life coach and I put words to my hopes for the coming year. ... More
I have a ritual I love. In the octave of Christmas, when the rush settles into cozy contentment and time unfolds a little more slowly, I sit with an extraordinary spiral-bound goal planner that might double as a life coach and I put words to my hopes for the coming year.
I'll be home for Christmas. It’s the stuff of songs, of sweet movies where the conflict is resolved in two hours just as snow begins to fall; it’s the stuff of our deepest longings and our most bitter disappointments. ... More
I'll be home for Christmas. It’s the stuff of songs, of sweet movies where the conflict is resolved in two hours just as snow begins to fall; it’s the stuff of our deepest longings and our most bitter disappointments.
What is life without hope? It is despair. It is defeat. It is untethered, aimless, sorrowful. ... More
What is life without hope? It is despair. It is defeat. It is untethered, aimless, sorrowful.
We have an interesting dynamic in our family. My daughter Sarah is just five years older than her brother’s first child, Lucy. ... More
We have an interesting dynamic in our family. My daughter Sarah is just five years older than her brother’s first child, Lucy.
Observing the stages of motherhood, the sages say of the baby and toddler years that “the days are long, but the years are short.” ... More
Observing the stages of motherhood, the sages say of the baby and toddler years that “the days are long, but the years are short.”
I sat in a coffee shop one night recently, trying to tap out a few thousand words before picking up my girls at dance. ... More
I sat in a coffee shop one night recently, trying to tap out a few thousand words before picking up my girls at dance.
Recently, my son and his wife presented twins to be baptized. After the sacrament, I nuzzled two sweet heads and inhaled deeply. And I pondered what it means to be a baptized woman in today’s church.... More
Recently, my son and his wife presented twins to be baptized. After the sacrament, I nuzzled two sweet heads and inhaled deeply. And I pondered what it means to be a baptized woman in today’s church.
With the autumn comes the opportunity to begin anew. ... More
With the autumn comes the opportunity to begin anew.
My reality is that I’ve known for more than 10 years how a report of the abuse of power and sexual misconduct is handled when a victim comes forward. That hard won knowledge has haunted me. The grand jury report is extensive and it is graphic. To read it is to challenge one’s faith in the church. There is no way around it. For some people, the interior struggle over whether to stay in the church or leave in disgust will be resolved quickly. ... More
My reality is that I’ve known for more than 10 years how a report of the abuse of power and sexual misconduct is handled when a victim comes forward. That hard won knowledge has haunted me. The grand jury report is extensive and it is graphic. To read it is to challenge one’s faith in the church. There is no way around it. For some people, the interior struggle over whether to stay in the church or leave in disgust will be resolved quickly.
When I wear my mother-of-nine badge, one question I frequently get is, “If you could change any parenting decision you ever made, what would it be?” ... More
When I wear my mother-of-nine badge, one question I frequently get is, “If you could change any parenting decision you ever made, what would it be?”
Yesterday, the heat index was 109 degrees. The air hung heavy, and the haze made it so that I kept continually wiping my glasses, but my vision never cleared. Everything about the morning was oppressive. The weather matched my mood; life felt heavy and hot and enveloping. It was difficult to see more than a few inches in front of me. The familiar landscape was uncertain and light was diffuse — glaring but not illuminating.... More
Yesterday, the heat index was 109 degrees. The air hung heavy, and the haze made it so that I kept continually wiping my glasses, but my vision never cleared. Everything about the morning was oppressive. The weather matched my mood; life felt heavy and hot and enveloping. It was difficult to see more than a few inches in front of me. The familiar landscape was uncertain and light was diffuse — glaring but not illuminating.
They call it the Sandwich Generation, a moniker reserved for people who are caring for children and for elderly parents at once. ... More
They call it the Sandwich Generation, a moniker reserved for people who are caring for children and for elderly parents at once.
I recently enjoyed a lively conversation with several mothers of young children. We were talking about the ultimate goals in raising children. ... More
I recently enjoyed a lively conversation with several mothers of young children. We were talking about the ultimate goals in raising children.
Motherhood is a vocation — a holy calling — and it is the call of a lifetime, not limited to society’s little box. ... More
Motherhood is a vocation — a holy calling — and it is the call of a lifetime, not limited to society’s little box.
I love when the liturgical year bumps into the secular calendar and everything seems to make sense. ... More
I love when the liturgical year bumps into the secular calendar and everything seems to make sense.
When you say that you don’t have time to go to Mass, or you won’t go because don’t like the parish or the music bothers you, what you are saying is that you’d literally rather not receive Our Lord who offers his act of love to you personally than go to a Mass that doesn’t meet your ideal. Jesus wants you, but you’d rather leave him at the altar than to go under whatever circumstances he’s offering. ... More
When you say that you don’t have time to go to Mass, or you won’t go because don’t like the parish or the music bothers you, what you are saying is that you’d literally rather not receive Our Lord who offers his act of love to you personally than go to a Mass that doesn’t meet your ideal. Jesus wants you, but you’d rather leave him at the altar than to go under whatever circumstances he’s offering.
We are fast approaching the end of a season, and the beginning, I hope, of a bright new one. ... More
I can get a jump on spring cleaning, but what to do with the growing sense that I’ve missed the point this Lent, missed the chance for penances to transform my soul? ... More
I can get a jump on spring cleaning, but what to do with the growing sense that I’ve missed the point this Lent, missed the chance for penances to transform my soul?
It is predictable as ashes on the first day of Lent; by the second week, I’m discouraged. ... More
This Lent is a good time to die. ... More
This Lent is a good time to die.
When I give to someone else the rare gift of genuine presence, I give them the essence of Christian compassion. Compassion calls us to suffer with someone, to enter into whatever it is that causes pain. ... More
When I give to someone else the rare gift of genuine presence, I give them the essence of Christian compassion. Compassion calls us to suffer with someone, to enter into whatever it is that causes pain.
I spent the early days of this new year in that exceptional place of both time and space that is early postpartum. ... More
The beginning of a new year is an excellent opportunity to prune away the weeds so that the fruit can flower and then ripen. As a kindness to ourselves, we should pry away old hurts to which we stubbornly cling, but that ultimately weigh heavy on the branches and threaten their very existence. Let them go. Those old grievances are a blight. ... More
The beginning of a new year is an excellent opportunity to prune away the weeds so that the fruit can flower and then ripen. As a kindness to ourselves, we should pry away old hurts to which we stubbornly cling, but that ultimately weigh heavy on the branches and threaten their very existence. Let them go. Those old grievances are a blight.
It has been a too-short Advent. I can’t quite find my rhythm. Every day, I make my list, and every day, I scratch things off (unfinished) or move them to another day. ... More
This is the season of presence, not presents (though I don’t suggest you leave those out altogether). It is the season of sitting in God’s presence and letting Him present Himself to us. It’s the season of filling ourselves with Him — inhaling His grace. Then, we can be truly present to one another, blowing the breath of peace over our people, whispering genuine joy into the December craziness.... More
This is the season of presence, not presents (though I don’t suggest you leave those out altogether). It is the season of sitting in God’s presence and letting Him present Himself to us. It’s the season of filling ourselves with Him — inhaling His grace. Then, we can be truly present to one another, blowing the breath of peace over our people, whispering genuine joy into the December craziness.
She sits with shoulders slumped and looks at me, eyes bright with tears. After growing up in the church and marrying in the church and promising to raise her child in the church, she’s finished with the church. Actually, she says, she’s finished with God. She grew up believing that God was good and the church was full of holy men and women. With that foundation, she somehow came to think that if she were good and believed in the good God and did whatever the church said, all would be rosy.... More
She sits with shoulders slumped and looks at me, eyes bright with tears. After growing up in the church and marrying in the church and promising to raise her child in the church, she’s finished with the church. Actually, she says, she’s finished with God. She grew up believing that God was good and the church was full of holy men and women. With that foundation, she somehow came to think that if she were good and believed in the good God and did whatever the church said, all would be rosy.
Three times today, an email asked for my “bio.” While it’s not at all unusual for freelance writers to be asked to write a blurb for an article or essay or book, it is a bit of a coincidence for me to need all three in one day. As I sat with hands poised on a keyboard, I considered this task. How to reduce the essence of me to 100 characters or fewer? I glanced at the other tabs currently on my keyboard. I’ve been editing college essays and grad school essays and law school essays. All to say, this has been a day spent in “tell me about yourself” mode. I left the keyboard with an eye on the clock and went for a run.... More
Three times today, an email asked for my “bio.” While it’s not at all unusual for freelance writers to be asked to write a blurb for an article or essay or book, it is a bit of a coincidence for me to need all three in one day. As I sat with hands poised on a keyboard, I considered this task. How to reduce the essence of me to 100 characters or fewer? I glanced at the other tabs currently on my keyboard. I’ve been editing college essays and grad school essays and law school essays. All to say, this has been a day spent in “tell me about yourself” mode. I left the keyboard with an eye on the clock and went for a run.
Recently, I have reflected on how all our relationships are broken relationships. This looks a bit dismal at first, but once we acknowledge it — and recognize the gift that friendship with Christ is — it’s a most liberating reality. Every human relationship will disappoint if we expect it to be perfectly whole. It’s doomed from the beginning, because we all sin, and we will all have conflicts with others. And we will all hurt each other.... More
Recently, I have reflected on how all our relationships are broken relationships. This looks a bit dismal at first, but once we acknowledge it — and recognize the gift that friendship with Christ is — it’s a most liberating reality. Every human relationship will disappoint if we expect it to be perfectly whole. It’s doomed from the beginning, because we all sin, and we will all have conflicts with others. And we will all hurt each other.
I have shepherded three books into the world this year. A fourth sits poised, ready and waiting, until its season arrives. Those spines stacked one atop the other, staring at me unblinking from my dining room table, tell me that I have been disciplined enough to do the work of publishing: the research, the writing, the editing, even the attention to design. I have shown up, day after day, to do whatever task the careful stewardship of these words held on that particular day.... More
I have shepherded three books into the world this year. A fourth sits poised, ready and waiting, until its season arrives. Those spines stacked one atop the other, staring at me unblinking from my dining room table, tell me that I have been disciplined enough to do the work of publishing: the research, the writing, the editing, even the attention to design. I have shown up, day after day, to do whatever task the careful stewardship of these words held on that particular day.
If we were to ban masks in all our interpersonal relationships, would we, too, minimize the harm we do to one another? Further, if we took down the mask and faced Our Lord as we really are, would we experience greater intimacy with Him? ... More
If we were to ban masks in all our interpersonal relationships, would we, too, minimize the harm we do to one another? Further, if we took down the mask and faced Our Lord as we really are, would we experience greater intimacy with Him?
I wonder: in order to forgive, do we have to forget? In order to respect the dignity of a person who has hurt us, do we have to let him or her back into the space where they harmed us in the first place? ... More
I wonder: in order to forgive, do we have to forget? In order to respect the dignity of a person who has hurt us, do we have to let him or her back into the space where they harmed us in the first place?
How can we be Christ to our neighbors? How can we live a life in our community that proclaims the Gospel by genuinely loving the people God puts right in front of us: the man struggling with a language barrier at the bank, the pregnant teenager who needs a home, the black baby orphaned by a mother in jail for life, the lady in your parish who feels exiled because she is the child of immigrants and the women around her are affirming rhetoric that denies her dignity? ... More
How can we be Christ to our neighbors? How can we live a life in our community that proclaims the Gospel by genuinely loving the people God puts right in front of us: the man struggling with a language barrier at the bank, the pregnant teenager who needs a home, the black baby orphaned by a mother in jail for life, the lady in your parish who feels exiled because she is the child of immigrants and the women around her are affirming rhetoric that denies her dignity?
It’s August and there are so many new beginnings slated for later this month. In our family, where grown children are no longer bound to school calendars and younger children have been homeschooling year-round, August is still (and always has been) that start of something new.... More
It’s August and there are so many new beginnings slated for later this month. In our family, where grown children are no longer bound to school calendars and younger children have been homeschooling year-round, August is still (and always has been) that start of something new.
We close the covers of the beautiful book, and sit and look at each other. She sighs contentedly, the deep and satisfied sigh of a 10-year-old who has just heard the story of Beauty and the Beast translated from its original French. She sighs the fairytale sigh, the one that says, “They were good, but flawed. They hoped. They experienced hardship and suffering. Evil was defeated. Beautiful lessons were learned. They lived happily ever after.”... More
We close the covers of the beautiful book, and sit and look at each other. She sighs contentedly, the deep and satisfied sigh of a 10-year-old who has just heard the story of Beauty and the Beast translated from its original French. She sighs the fairytale sigh, the one that says, “They were good, but flawed. They hoped. They experienced hardship and suffering. Evil was defeated. Beautiful lessons were learned. They lived happily ever after.”
Rest — both the vacation kind and the kind at home — is a kindness we pay to our souls. I’m resisting the overused, ironically tired, term “self-care,” and opting instead to remind myself that rest is an answer that most comes to mind if I ask myself the question I so often ask others: What can I do for you? ... More
It is not unusual to find a Catholic who doesn’t read the Bible personally on a regular basis. That never seemed quite right to me. I’ve always deeply believed that having a relationship with God that only exists in the physical — just showing up at Mass and consuming the Eucharist — is like being married and skipping conversation. Jesus wants to have words with us. He wants to engage in dialogue. He gave us this richness of conversation and if we never open the book, it’s like ignoring our spouses when they try to talk to us. ... More
It is not unusual to find a Catholic who doesn’t read the Bible personally on a regular basis. That never seemed quite right to me. I’ve always deeply believed that having a relationship with God that only exists in the physical — just showing up at Mass and consuming the Eucharist — is like being married and skipping conversation. Jesus wants to have words with us. He wants to engage in dialogue. He gave us this richness of conversation and if we never open the book, it’s like ignoring our spouses when they try to talk to us.
This time of year is a natural one for self-assessment. If you’re still in school, the end of the spring semester lends itself to reflecting on the year’s accomplishments and stumbling blocks and setting new goals for the next term. If you’re beyond school, old habits die hard, and the rhythm of the lives of children becomes the rhythm of the lives of parents, too. And, if you’re a parent sitting in the seats at a graduation ceremony, I challenge you not to reflect on where you’ve come since you wore a cap and gown.... More
This time of year is a natural one for self-assessment. If you’re still in school, the end of the spring semester lends itself to reflecting on the year’s accomplishments and stumbling blocks and setting new goals for the next term. If you’re beyond school, old habits die hard, and the rhythm of the lives of children becomes the rhythm of the lives of parents, too. And, if you’re a parent sitting in the seats at a graduation ceremony, I challenge you not to reflect on where you’ve come since you wore a cap and gown.
Tomorrow, my daughter receives her first communion. ... More
Tomorrow, my daughter receives her first communion.
Springtime surrender can be the fiat of our souls. It’s the assent of our wills to do His will. It’s the recognition that our work — all of it — should truly be the work of His hands. ... More
Springtime surrender can be the fiat of our souls. It’s the assent of our wills to do His will. It’s the recognition that our work — all of it — should truly be the work of His hands.
As we enter into the liturgy of Holy Week, we are called to weep in community, and then to rejoice with one glorious voice. ... More
As we enter into the liturgy of Holy Week, we are called to weep in community, and then to rejoice with one glorious voice.
The battle for Lent is being waged in our heads — that’s where most marathons are finished, or not. ... More
The battle for Lent is being waged in our heads — that’s where most marathons are finished, or not.
Lent is a good time for self-control awareness, for strengthening our exercise of self-control, because Jesus reminds us that “if any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Lk 9:23). Everyday life calls for self-control. We will be called to take up our crosses daily and actually carry them. ... More
Lent is a good time for self-control awareness, for strengthening our exercise of self-control, because Jesus reminds us that “if any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Lk 9:23). Everyday life calls for self-control. We will be called to take up our crosses daily and actually carry them.
There is a certain spring in our steps these days. Daylight hours are growing longer and the breezes are actually warm. Even though it’s February, and years past have yielded significant snow during this stretch of time, the meteorological calendar seems to be marching on. So, with the great outdoors in rhythm, it is easy to embrace the pre-Lenten season. Soon, purple will drape the altar and penance will be upon us. These are the days we seize to prepare for a fruitful Lent — those Lenten days that warm and then flower into a glorious Easter. ... More
There is a certain spring in our steps these days. Daylight hours are growing longer and the breezes are actually warm. Even though it’s February, and years past have yielded significant snow during this stretch of time, the meteorological calendar seems to be marching on. So, with the great outdoors in rhythm, it is easy to embrace the pre-Lenten season. Soon, purple will drape the altar and penance will be upon us. These are the days we seize to prepare for a fruitful Lent — those Lenten days that warm and then flower into a glorious Easter.
Even in the world of real people and real faces, the conversations are shutting down. We don’t want to hear any more. Too much contention. Too much anger. Too much fear where there once was friendship, or at least neighborliness. It’s as if the running thread has been pulled, and the fabric of community is falling away into tatters. It’s the era of “unfriending.” ... More
Even in the world of real people and real faces, the conversations are shutting down. We don’t want to hear any more. Too much contention. Too much anger. Too much fear where there once was friendship, or at least neighborliness. It’s as if the running thread has been pulled, and the fabric of community is falling away into tatters. It’s the era of “unfriending.”
I found myself scrolling through Facebook the other night, looking for an idea for a writing topic. It had been an interesting social media day, where a particularly contentious post on my wall had unintentionally been posted publicly, inviting people of all walks of life to chime in on a topic that presses all kinds of hot buttons. I commented that this night was a particularly good time to be looking for topics outside of politics. ... More
I found myself scrolling through Facebook the other night, looking for an idea for a writing topic. It had been an interesting social media day, where a particularly contentious post on my wall had unintentionally been posted publicly, inviting people of all walks of life to chime in on a topic that presses all kinds of hot buttons. I commented that this night was a particularly good time to be looking for topics outside of politics.
I have nine children, and I have been a parent for more than 28 years, but I’m learning all kinds of new lessons in parenting and people skills. As everyone gets older, extended periods of time when we’re all gathered (15 in all, including my husband, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren) are intense life learning sessions. ... More
I have nine children, and I have been a parent for more than 28 years, but I’m learning all kinds of new lessons in parenting and people skills. As everyone gets older, extended periods of time when we’re all gathered (15 in all, including my husband, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren) are intense life learning sessions.
I thought that turning the page to a new year would somehow be magical. It would make all things new. I had hope in the power of the calendar. Last Christmas, I settled into a romantic meditation on the Blessed Mother and the Baby and all the hope the Christmas story offered. ... More
I thought that turning the page to a new year would somehow be magical. It would make all things new. I had hope in the power of the calendar. Last Christmas, I settled into a romantic meditation on the Blessed Mother and the Baby and all the hope the Christmas story offered.
I was pregnant with my seventh child the year my eldest was confirmed. Bishop Paul S. Loverde was the celebrant. This year, that seventh child will be confirmed. With my own children and with other children I love, I have been to more confirmation Masses than I can count since that one in 2002. At every one, I have been accompanied by a child of the incessant question age who will ask about the bishop’s hat and the shepherd’s crook. ... More
I was pregnant with my seventh child the year my eldest was confirmed. Bishop Paul S. Loverde was the celebrant. This year, that seventh child will be confirmed. With my own children and with other children I love, I have been to more confirmation Masses than I can count since that one in 2002. At every one, I have been accompanied by a child of the incessant question age who will ask about the bishop’s hat and the shepherd’s crook.
Meals are where life happens. Many of us communicate our deepest desire to connect and to sustain to the people we love through the medium of food. ... More
Meals are where life happens. Many of us communicate our deepest desire to connect and to sustain to the people we love through the medium of food.
In the days before Election Day, so much noise rose to a crescendo, yet I was barely aware as the intensity built. I took in information at every turn, but rarely did I let anything go. I’m left with a ringing in my ears and throbbing behind my eyes, the result of a constant blur of tweets and Facebook posts, newscasts, and radio ads ... More
In the days before Election Day, so much noise rose to a crescendo, yet I was barely aware as the intensity built. I took in information at every turn, but rarely did I let anything go. I’m left with a ringing in my ears and throbbing behind my eyes, the result of a constant blur of tweets and Facebook posts, newscasts, and radio ads
With the occasionally crisp, subtle coolness of September in Virginia, my pace usually quickens just a bit in expectant hope. September brings order — the order of days that follow along the tracks of a schedule, the order of deadlines and appointments written in ink. I love order; it gives me a sense of security. Order brings rhythm and rhythm underscores a family in harmony with each other and God.... More
With the occasionally crisp, subtle coolness of September in Virginia, my pace usually quickens just a bit in expectant hope. September brings order — the order of days that follow along the tracks of a schedule, the order of deadlines and appointments written in ink. I love order; it gives me a sense of security. Order brings rhythm and rhythm underscores a family in harmony with each other and God.
It happened for the first time almost exactly to the minute, 28 years from the moment my first baby was born. That morning, I didn’t have to silence the voice. For the entire span of a childhood and then some, the voice has been telling me the same lie over and over again. But the morning of my eldest boy’s birthday, I couldn’t hear the voice. I didn’t have to argue with it.... More
It happened for the first time almost exactly to the minute, 28 years from the moment my first baby was born. That morning, I didn’t have to silence the voice. For the entire span of a childhood and then some, the voice has been telling me the same lie over and over again. But the morning of my eldest boy’s birthday, I couldn’t hear the voice. I didn’t have to argue with it.
This time of year - as the academic calendar begins and the last strains of summer's song fade - the people in my household scatter. College-aged children move into dorms. School-aged children leave and come back and leave again every day, making the case for a revolving door at our front stoop. Even the boy who moved clear across the country made his way home for a brief weekend at the end of August. And then he left again. ... More
This time of year - as the academic calendar begins and the last strains of summer's song fade - the people in my household scatter. College-aged children move into dorms. School-aged children leave and come back and leave again every day, making the case for a revolving door at our front stoop. Even the boy who moved clear across the country made his way home for a brief weekend at the end of August. And then he left again.
It's that time of year in the life of a family when calendar squares begin to fill. Pencils in hand (because things change and it's not quite time for pens yet), we grid in the soccer schedule, the "first day of" dates, the fall birthdays, the auditions, the new lessons. When finished, we stare in disbelief at how full it all looks. Yet that fullness rarely inspires a sense of abundance. Instead, there are alternate feelings of dread and disbelief. Sometimes, there is even fear. How in the world will all these things pull together for a life that is meaningful and not chaotic? May I suggest that the day-to-day rushing that seems so inevitable with growing families desperately needs intentional ritual? ... More
It's that time of year in the life of a family when calendar squares begin to fill. Pencils in hand (because things change and it's not quite time for pens yet), we grid in the soccer schedule, the "first day of" dates, the fall birthdays, the auditions, the new lessons. When finished, we stare in disbelief at how full it all looks. Yet that fullness rarely inspires a sense of abundance. Instead, there are alternate feelings of dread and disbelief. Sometimes, there is even fear. How in the world will all these things pull together for a life that is meaningful and not chaotic? May I suggest that the day-to-day rushing that seems so inevitable with growing families desperately needs intentional ritual?
I recently spoke with a woman in her early 30s who was surprised to find herself in an extended period of darkness. She and her husband had suffered a job loss, a pregnancy loss, and a move resulting in loss of support - all in the last two years. She goes through the motions of a practicing Catholic, but she feels as if God has abandoned her. ... More
I recently spoke with a woman in her early 30s who was surprised to find herself in an extended period of darkness. She and her husband had suffered a job loss, a pregnancy loss, and a move resulting in loss of support - all in the last two years. She goes through the motions of a practicing Catholic, but she feels as if God has abandoned her.
I see it happening, the unfolding of a girl's heart towards the warmth and light of community. And then, just as the petals are in full flower, I watch what seems nearly inevitable: petals pulled back in tightly onto themselves, hardened to protect against the pelting that comes. ... More
I see it happening, the unfolding of a girl's heart towards the warmth and light of community. And then, just as the petals are in full flower, I watch what seems nearly inevitable: petals pulled back in tightly onto themselves, hardened to protect against the pelting that comes.
I remember the ride home from the hospital with each of them. Nine times, putting precious cargo - so tiny and new and miraculous - into the car. Nine times, driving ever so carefully, with the unspoken understanding between us that the world was a dangerous place and we were here on earth to protect our children. ... More
I remember the ride home from the hospital with each of them. Nine times, putting precious cargo - so tiny and new and miraculous - into the car. Nine times, driving ever so carefully, with the unspoken understanding between us that the world was a dangerous place and we were here on earth to protect our children.
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy, and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." ... More
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and privacy, and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship."
It is the season of diplomas and honors, recognition and resumes. As the flurry swirls around me, I find myself thinking increasingly of humility. When a young person sets out on the course of finding his life's work, nothing will serve him better than humility. This time of year serves as a powerful reminder to all of us that God cannot choose us - cannot use us - until we come to the end of ourselves and find Him. As long as we rest upon our laurels, we cannot lean into Him. ... More
It is the season of diplomas and honors, recognition and resumes. As the flurry swirls around me, I find myself thinking increasingly of humility. When a young person sets out on the course of finding his life's work, nothing will serve him better than humility. This time of year serves as a powerful reminder to all of us that God cannot choose us - cannot use us - until we come to the end of ourselves and find Him. As long as we rest upon our laurels, we cannot lean into Him.
She almost jumped out of the car in the still dark morning at the airport, about bursting in her eagerness to go with me on a grand adventure. We were to fly across the country together and meet her new niece, my new granddaughter. This sweet 7-year-old girl who had spent so much of the last few years saying goodbye to people she loved was being afforded the opportunity to be among the first to say hello to new life. ... More
She almost jumped out of the car in the still dark morning at the airport, about bursting in her eagerness to go with me on a grand adventure. We were to fly across the country together and meet her new niece, my new granddaughter. This sweet 7-year-old girl who had spent so much of the last few years saying goodbye to people she loved was being afforded the opportunity to be among the first to say hello to new life.
The family is the setting in which a new life is not only born but also welcomed as a gift of God. Each new life "allows us to appreciate the utterly gratuitous dimension of love, which never ceases to amaze us. It is the beauty of being loved first: children are loved even before they arrive." Here we see a reflection of the primacy of the love of God, who always takes the initiative, for children "are loved before having done anything to deserve it." ("Amoris Laetitia," 166.) ... More
The family is the setting in which a new life is not only born but also welcomed as a gift of God. Each new life "allows us to appreciate the utterly gratuitous dimension of love, which never ceases to amaze us. It is the beauty of being loved first: children are loved even before they arrive." Here we see a reflection of the primacy of the love of God, who always takes the initiative, for children "are loved before having done anything to deserve it." ("Amoris Laetitia," 166.)
I have a personal relationship with Christ. That is, He and I talk off and on all day long, inside my head. It's our relationship - real, alive and very much awake and aware of my world, the sphere in which I orbit, the daily round of my private life. I bring Him my needs and my concerns and my praises. And I try mightily to hear what He is telling me. In His word, Jesus shows me again and again how to pray in silent solitude. Then, He shows me how much He wants community for me. ... More
I have a personal relationship with Christ. That is, He and I talk off and on all day long, inside my head. It's our relationship - real, alive and very much awake and aware of my world, the sphere in which I orbit, the daily round of my private life. I bring Him my needs and my concerns and my praises. And I try mightily to hear what He is telling me. In His word, Jesus shows me again and again how to pray in silent solitude. Then, He shows me how much He wants community for me.
I'm in a precarious position as I write this column. It is the Friday before Palm Sunday. We are but a few days from Holy Week. This column will be published on Holy Thursday, just as the most somber days of the year begin. Three days later, it will be Easter, the most jubilant day of the year. ... More
I'm in a precarious position as I write this column. It is the Friday before Palm Sunday. We are but a few days from Holy Week. This column will be published on Holy Thursday, just as the most somber days of the year begin. Three days later, it will be Easter, the most jubilant day of the year.
"You get to write the story." ... More
"You get to write the story."
We say it so often, sometimes more than several times a day: Thy will be done. It is the anthem of surrender. But do we stop and listen to the words as we say them? Do we let the full weight of their meaning take root in our consciousness? Do we absorb the message and then let go, release control and relinquish to God what was God's all along? ... More
We say it so often, sometimes more than several times a day: Thy will be done. It is the anthem of surrender. But do we stop and listen to the words as we say them? Do we let the full weight of their meaning take root in our consciousness? Do we absorb the message and then let go, release control and relinquish to God what was God's all along?
It's time for the familiar, seasonal conversation. Every year, it's about the same, just with different combinations of children. They talk about what to give up for Lent. They weigh one thing against another, testing the viability of various options. They bounce ideas off one another, and they are honest in rejecting or applauding those ideas. One refrain always makes itself heard. ... More
It's time for the familiar, seasonal conversation. Every year, it's about the same, just with different combinations of children. They talk about what to give up for Lent. They weigh one thing against another, testing the viability of various options. They bounce ideas off one another, and they are honest in rejecting or applauding those ideas. One refrain always makes itself heard.
I have a theory about mothers of large families and Empty Nest Syndrome. We are not afflicted, at least not in the conventional way. As the friends who had babies with us when we had our first begin to enjoy (or lament) their empty nests, we see ours still quite full. Three of my children are grown and gone. Six remain at home. By most standards, six children under roof is still quite a full nest. Those parenting trenches to which people often refer? I'm still in them. ... More
I have a theory about mothers of large families and Empty Nest Syndrome. We are not afflicted, at least not in the conventional way. As the friends who had babies with us when we had our first begin to enjoy (or lament) their empty nests, we see ours still quite full. Three of my children are grown and gone. Six remain at home. By most standards, six children under roof is still quite a full nest. Those parenting trenches to which people often refer? I'm still in them.
I've been looking forward to this new year, eagerly anticipating the calendar change, setting my hopes on a new digit in the "year" column making all things new. I'm not sorry to see 2015 slip away. I hear the drumbeat, steady and rising, propelling me forward: We can do better. We can do better. We can do better. ... More
I've been looking forward to this new year, eagerly anticipating the calendar change, setting my hopes on a new digit in the "year" column making all things new. I'm not sorry to see 2015 slip away. I hear the drumbeat, steady and rising, propelling me forward: We can do better. We can do better. We can do better.
The pink candle has been lit. The pace quickens as we move closer to the feast. Christmas is coming - oh, the joy. ... More
The pink candle has been lit. The pace quickens as we move closer to the feast. Christmas is coming - oh, the joy.
Just moments ago, I sat here in irritated frustration while a colored spinning wheel spun and spun and spun. It must have been 30 seconds or so. An eternity, really, in Internet time. I could barely sit still for the time it took to load a blank page upon which to write. ... More
Just moments ago, I sat here in irritated frustration while a colored spinning wheel spun and spun and spun. It must have been 30 seconds or so. An eternity, really, in Internet time. I could barely sit still for the time it took to load a blank page upon which to write.
On the way to soccer practice tonight, my son found four radio stations playing Christmas music. As I write this column, it is exactly two weeks until Thanksgiving. When you read it, the official beginning of the holiday season will be one week away. Those dates on the calendar bring smiles to many people. They look forward with fond anticipation to a season of warmth and togetherness. They embrace the hustle and bustle and they embrace all the friends and family who come together. Life looks like a Norman Rockwell painting from the last week in November until the first week in January. All is calm and bright. ... More
On the way to soccer practice tonight, my son found four radio stations playing Christmas music. As I write this column, it is exactly two weeks until Thanksgiving. When you read it, the official beginning of the holiday season will be one week away. Those dates on the calendar bring smiles to many people. They look forward with fond anticipation to a season of warmth and togetherness. They embrace the hustle and bustle and they embrace all the friends and family who come together. Life looks like a Norman Rockwell painting from the last week in November until the first week in January. All is calm and bright.
I live my life in narrative. I love stories; they were the stuff and substance of my childhood, the things that framed my paradigm and gave shape to my dreams. Inside my head, there's always a story going. Often the stories beg to be tapped out onto the pages of my blog or this column or into the margins of my Bible. For the most part, I am at peace with my own stories. ... More
I live my life in narrative. I love stories; they were the stuff and substance of my childhood, the things that framed my paradigm and gave shape to my dreams. Inside my head, there's always a story going. Often the stories beg to be tapped out onto the pages of my blog or this column or into the margins of my Bible. For the most part, I am at peace with my own stories.
"I'm not being ridiculous," she said, as she pulled one napkin after another out of the box. "I have four children at my table. We need all these." ... More
"I'm not being ridiculous," she said, as she pulled one napkin after another out of the box. "I have four children at my table. We need all these."
Hospitality scares me. You, too? ... More
Hospitality scares me. You, too?
"Is it not enough," she asked me earnestly, "to be a woman at home, caring for a family? Everyone around me has a job that enables her to contribute to her family financially. Even within the church, I'm bombarded every day with clarion calls to do more, to give more. And here I am doing my best to feed and clothe and care for these five children, reserving just enough energy for the end of the day and the man that I married. I feel like both the secular world and the faith community are saying it is not nearly enough. " ... More
"Is it not enough," she asked me earnestly, "to be a woman at home, caring for a family? Everyone around me has a job that enables her to contribute to her family financially. Even within the church, I'm bombarded every day with clarion calls to do more, to give more. And here I am doing my best to feed and clothe and care for these five children, reserving just enough energy for the end of the day and the man that I married. I feel like both the secular world and the faith community are saying it is not nearly enough. "
There is the faintest hint of crispness in the dawn these days, just a little teaser that alludes to autumn's approach. The seasons are shifting. A previously quick early-morning grocery run took 45 minutes transit time one way yesterday. Back-to-school traffic is a real thing, friends. ... More
There is the faintest hint of crispness in the dawn these days, just a little teaser that alludes to autumn's approach. The seasons are shifting. A previously quick early-morning grocery run took 45 minutes transit time one way yesterday. Back-to-school traffic is a real thing, friends.
On a recent vacation to the beach, my youngest child did her very best to gather up every seashell on the shore. One after another, she'd bring them to me, marveling over their intricate beauty. Sitting on a quilt on a small piece of the edge of the continent, looking over the vast expanse of the sea, I inhaled the wonder of it all. There is a God, above and beyond my imagination, who has created a universe so vast and so intricate that His design genius is staggering. This God, the one who has attended to every detail of the smallest seashell while also filling the land with oceans deeper and wider than we can see, asks me to cast my cares upon Him. ... More
On a recent vacation to the beach, my youngest child did her very best to gather up every seashell on the shore. One after another, she'd bring them to me, marveling over their intricate beauty. Sitting on a quilt on a small piece of the edge of the continent, looking over the vast expanse of the sea, I inhaled the wonder of it all. There is a God, above and beyond my imagination, who has created a universe so vast and so intricate that His design genius is staggering. This God, the one who has attended to every detail of the smallest seashell while also filling the land with oceans deeper and wider than we can see, asks me to cast my cares upon Him.
When my boys were little, I watched a phenomenon play out so many times that I'm sure it's an infallible truth: If they are playing and their father shouts from the sidelines, they hear him. Over every other voice, they heard their dad. Most times, they would execute the play or correct their position accordingly. They trusted him and they responded out of that trust. They heard him above all the other voices, especially above the negative voices or those whose messages were counter to his. ... More
When my boys were little, I watched a phenomenon play out so many times that I'm sure it's an infallible truth: If they are playing and their father shouts from the sidelines, they hear him. Over every other voice, they heard their dad. Most times, they would execute the play or correct their position accordingly. They trusted him and they responded out of that trust. They heard him above all the other voices, especially above the negative voices or those whose messages were counter to his.
Sometimes - often, really - our children teach us our most important lessons. I think maybe that's the way it's supposed to be; the most important lessons and the hardest ones for us to master are the ones that they grasp before we do. And so they lead us by their examples, and we find ourselves someplace better. ... More
Sometimes - often, really - our children teach us our most important lessons. I think maybe that's the way it's supposed to be; the most important lessons and the hardest ones for us to master are the ones that they grasp before we do. And so they lead us by their examples, and we find ourselves someplace better.
There are days (and nights, lots of nights) when mothers feel as if they are toiling in obscurity. Who sees the things that require all our time and attention? Who hears us begging a baby to go to sleep because the clock is ticking into the wee hours of the morning and our sleep time before the other child awakes is becoming increasingly shorter? Who understands the inner-workings of our minds as we drive toward the school clinic in the middle of the day, all the while trying to figure out how we are going to complete the work left behind on the desk before its deadline? Who knows the thought process that went into planning, budgeting, shopping and cooking every meal on a family's table, all while trying to pay tuition bills? More importantly, does anyone know or care who cleans the kitchen? ... More
There are days (and nights, lots of nights) when mothers feel as if they are toiling in obscurity. Who sees the things that require all our time and attention? Who hears us begging a baby to go to sleep because the clock is ticking into the wee hours of the morning and our sleep time before the other child awakes is becoming increasingly shorter? Who understands the inner-workings of our minds as we drive toward the school clinic in the middle of the day, all the while trying to figure out how we are going to complete the work left behind on the desk before its deadline? Who knows the thought process that went into planning, budgeting, shopping and cooking every meal on a family's table, all while trying to pay tuition bills? More importantly, does anyone know or care who cleans the kitchen?
Humidity hangs heavy today and the temperature has crept toward 90; it's undeniably feeling like summer in Virginia. As I sit with a calendar that has palpably shifted from the frenetic end-of-school-year busyness to a more sanguine, relaxed busyness, I'm making a promise to myself. Summer will be for self-care. ... More
Humidity hangs heavy today and the temperature has crept toward 90; it's undeniably feeling like summer in Virginia. As I sit with a calendar that has palpably shifted from the frenetic end-of-school-year busyness to a more sanguine, relaxed busyness, I'm making a promise to myself. Summer will be for self-care.
It's planting time. And growing time. And watering time. But, wait. First, it's weeding time. Every year, I say I'm going to get after the weeds before it's a big job, and every year, I don't. The weeds around the trees are particularly overgrown this spring. They're woody and tenacious and in need of some serious tending. ... More
It's planting time. And growing time. And watering time. But, wait. First, it's weeding time. Every year, I say I'm going to get after the weeds before it's a big job, and every year, I don't. The weeds around the trees are particularly overgrown this spring. They're woody and tenacious and in need of some serious tending.
"The mercy of God is poured out upon us, making us just and giving us peace. This is a time for the Church to rediscover the meaning of the mission entrusted to her by the Lord on the day of Easter: to be a sign and an instrument of the Father's mercy." - Pope Francis ... More
"The mercy of God is poured out upon us, making us just and giving us peace. This is a time for the Church to rediscover the meaning of the mission entrusted to her by the Lord on the day of Easter: to be a sign and an instrument of the Father's mercy." - Pope Francis
It's a good thing Easter is a season, because Lent was loath to let go. The week before Easter, my brother-in-law died. Before the suitcase was unpacked after his funeral, a very dear friend died in the early morning of Holy Thursday. And Good Friday was cold and dark and a little scarier than usual this year. ... More
It's a good thing Easter is a season, because Lent was loath to let go. The week before Easter, my brother-in-law died. Before the suitcase was unpacked after his funeral, a very dear friend died in the early morning of Holy Thursday. And Good Friday was cold and dark and a little scarier than usual this year.
There is so much in the Gospel of the days leading to the Crucifixion that makes me squirm. When I read it, and I put myself in the scene, I wonder what I would have done. Would I have stayed awake in the Garden of Gethsamane? I'd like to think so, but I know well all the times I've fallen asleep, both figuratively and literally. At every turn, in the account of those last hours, there is the betrayal of Jesus' closest friends. ... More
There is so much in the Gospel of the days leading to the Crucifixion that makes me squirm. When I read it, and I put myself in the scene, I wonder what I would have done. Would I have stayed awake in the Garden of Gethsamane? I'd like to think so, but I know well all the times I've fallen asleep, both figuratively and literally. At every turn, in the account of those last hours, there is the betrayal of Jesus' closest friends.
Lent can be a long stretch of time for some of us. From every corner comes the call to repent - the exhortation to make a full accounting of our sins, to see our messes in the light of day. Some of us are very good at that. Some of us go to the desert with Jesus, intending to spend Lent in His company, and we get distracted by the devil. ... More
Lent can be a long stretch of time for some of us. From every corner comes the call to repent - the exhortation to make a full accounting of our sins, to see our messes in the light of day. Some of us are very good at that. Some of us go to the desert with Jesus, intending to spend Lent in His company, and we get distracted by the devil.
So, how's the fasting going? You are not alone if you're finding that it is a struggle to give up what you gave up. It's not just a corporal struggle - at least, it's not supposed to be. Our purpose in fasting is spiritual. In our daily lives, the world can overwhelm us. We are bombarded by all those things that fill our senses and demand our attention. Both the desires and the genuine needs of our flesh distract from our spiritual growth. Our daily goal - every day - is to grow more perfect in Christ. ... More
So, how's the fasting going? You are not alone if you're finding that it is a struggle to give up what you gave up. It's not just a corporal struggle - at least, it's not supposed to be. Our purpose in fasting is spiritual. In our daily lives, the world can overwhelm us. We are bombarded by all those things that fill our senses and demand our attention. Both the desires and the genuine needs of our flesh distract from our spiritual growth. Our daily goal - every day - is to grow more perfect in Christ.
The Christmas boxes are all carefully packed and tucked away until next November. Every year, I fight a little anxiety as I pack them away. "If I'm not here next year, will they know how to find everything? Will they remember where it all goes? Will they be able to make Christmas?" Of course, this anxiety has its root in the fact that I finished treatment for cancer just as the Christmas season closed 24 years ago. Even if it's not conscious, my mind goes there, always will go there, it seems. ... More
The Christmas boxes are all carefully packed and tucked away until next November. Every year, I fight a little anxiety as I pack them away. "If I'm not here next year, will they know how to find everything? Will they remember where it all goes? Will they be able to make Christmas?" Of course, this anxiety has its root in the fact that I finished treatment for cancer just as the Christmas season closed 24 years ago. Even if it's not conscious, my mind goes there, always will go there, it seems.
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" -- L.M. Montgomery ... More
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" -- L.M. Montgomery
As she bent to examine my child, the health professional, making small talk, asked what I do. ... More
As she bent to examine my child, the health professional, making small talk, asked what I do.
Whenever I slip inside a church, I can feel the tension ease from my shoulders. It happens every time. I inhale the sweet air and it fills my lungs with peace like no other atmosphere. What is it that imparts such peace? Surely it's the presence of God in that place. ... More
Whenever I slip inside a church, I can feel the tension ease from my shoulders. It happens every time. I inhale the sweet air and it fills my lungs with peace like no other atmosphere. What is it that imparts such peace? Surely it's the presence of God in that place.
Stephen R. Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, recently died of complications from a bicycle accident. He was 79. The first thing that popped into my mind when I heard the news was that he lived, he loved, he learned, and he left a legacy, just as he encouraged millions to do during his lifetime. I first read Seven Habits shortly after it was published in 1989. I was a recent college graduate and a newlywed. To say that the book had a profound effect on my adult life is not to overstate. ... More
Stephen R. Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, recently died of complications from a bicycle accident. He was 79. The first thing that popped into my mind when I heard the news was that he lived, he loved, he learned, and he left a legacy, just as he encouraged millions to do during his lifetime. I first read Seven Habits shortly after it was published in 1989. I was a recent college graduate and a newlywed. To say that the book had a profound effect on my adult life is not to overstate.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a young mom with a preschooler and a new baby and another mother I'd met working at a small magazine called Welcome Home invited me to her house to watch her family in action. She was a Catholic woman, a few years older than me, whom I admired greatly. She had five children at the time. The oldest was 10 or 12. In my book, that made her a veteran. I had no idea what parenting a large family looked like from the inside and was grateful for the invitation. ... More
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was a young mom with a preschooler and a new baby and another mother I'd met working at a small magazine called Welcome Home invited me to her house to watch her family in action. She was a Catholic woman, a few years older than me, whom I admired greatly. She had five children at the time. The oldest was 10 or 12. In my book, that made her a veteran. I had no idea what parenting a large family looked like from the inside and was grateful for the invitation.
There is no doubt that most Catholic adults can understand and appreciate how beneficial time spent in adoration is for their souls. What they may not have considered is how much it can mean to children. In 1996 Pope John Paul II said, "I urge priests, religious and lay people to continue and redouble their efforts to teach the younger generations the meaning and value of eucharistic adoration and devotion. How will young people be able to know the Lord if they are not introduced to the mystery of His presence?" ... More
There is no doubt that most Catholic adults can understand and appreciate how beneficial time spent in adoration is for their souls. What they may not have considered is how much it can mean to children. In 1996 Pope John Paul II said, "I urge priests, religious and lay people to continue and redouble their efforts to teach the younger generations the meaning and value of eucharistic adoration and devotion. How will young people be able to know the Lord if they are not introduced to the mystery of His presence?"
“It’s me,” she says. “I look terrible in everything. I wanted to buy beautiful things. I wanted this to be fun. But I look terrible in everything.” ... More
“It’s me,” she says. “I look terrible in everything. I wanted to buy beautiful things. I wanted this to be fun. But I look terrible in everything.”
We took the children to Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception last week. This outing is a favorite pilgrimage for our family, one we make several times a year. Often, when we go, my husband is directing the televised Mass for EWTN. So, we arrive several hours early. He works on the details that go into a show in advance and the children and I are left to wander through the Shrine's small chapels. Since we visit frequently, everyone has his or her favorite place to stop and light a vigil candle. ... More
We took the children to Mass at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception last week. This outing is a favorite pilgrimage for our family, one we make several times a year. Often, when we go, my husband is directing the televised Mass for EWTN. So, we arrive several hours early. He works on the details that go into a show in advance and the children and I are left to wander through the Shrine's small chapels. Since we visit frequently, everyone has his or her favorite place to stop and light a vigil candle.