Captain’s log: Day 53 of the 2020 spring COVID-19 quarantine.
Forty-two states still have active stay-at-home orders. The run on cleaning
supplies and toilet tissue continues. Schools are teaching through e-learning;
youth ministries are conducting their outreach via Zoom, Instagram Live and
Facebook Live; and families and friends are keeping up on their relationships
by way of various apps. Social media for the win.
Shortly after Virginia’s stay-at-home order was enacted, I
received a few phone calls and emails from concerned parents and directors of religious
education. Many of their concerns revolved around predators gaining access to
our youths and questionable apps. And the concerns are not unwarranted.
"We are seeing a big uptick in the amount of predators
online, you know, talking to children” said Ariana Fajardo-Orshan, the U.S. attorney
for the Southern District of Florida. “Parents are preoccupied, getting their
work done, and kids are being left off to kind of fend for themselves and this
is a predator's dream to have these kids home on the computer all day."
Lest we think that Northern Virginia is immune, news outlets
reported April 21 that Fairfax County police arrested 30 Northern Virginia men
and charged them with 68 felonies relating to soliciting minors online. The
arrests were part of Operation COVID Crackdown. These men, whose ages ranged
from 20 to 74, were exploiting youths who were spending significantly more time
online due to the current pandemic. That’s the bad news: There is an increased
presence of predators looking for the opportunity to gain access to our youths.
But as Romans 5:20 proclaims, “Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.”
The good news is that the hedge of protection that every parent
wants for their child is accessible and within reach. There are five easy steps
parents can use to protect their children online: educate, communicate, investigate,
collaborate and motivate.
Educate
First yourself, then your family. A good start would be to
discover what programs and applications your children use, not just for school
but with friends as well. Once you have a list, learn about the applications
and then implement the strategies shared by the experts to protect them and
help them flourish. My subject matter expert is Josh Ochs at SmartSocial.com.
His parent/teacher app review includes a parental rating with a two- to
five-minute YouTube video explaining the good, bad and ugly for popular apps.
It is updated weekly and gives customized practical advice on how to protect
our youths with each app.
Communicate
Speak with your kids and let them know about the dangers and
potential impacts of poor online decisions on their relationships, college
choices and potential job opportunities — always, of course, in an
age-appropriate manner. Discuss and determine family rules that can be written
down. Make sure that each rule has a specific consequence if not followed.
Investigate
You know the old saying, “Trust but verify.” Children are prone
to push boundaries and test limits. Ensuring the safety of our homes requires
us to not only lock and close all the physical doors and windows but the
virtual ones, too. Need some tools to assist? Again, check out SmartSocial.com.
It has a great parental control software guide. I’m also a fan of OurPact,
which many parents use here in Northern Virginia.
Collaborate
It’s true, they are required to use social media to complete
their schoolwork and there are very few other options to stay in touch with
their friends — but you are still the parents. Collaboration is not a
negotiation. Work with your youths to develop healthy habits that ensure their
safety while increasing trust in your proper relationship as the parent.
We all want our children to live by the Golden Rule: “Do unto
others as you would have them do unto you.” They should also live by the lesser-known
second Golden Rule: “Whoever holds the gold makes the rules.” Work with them to
establish fixed areas where the family may use their computers during specific
slots of time. Once those boundaries are established and clearly communicated,
stick to the plan.
Motivate
The best motivation is inspiration. Model the same healthy
practices and habits you want your children to develop. When there is no need
to be on social media, follow my daughter’s advice, “Hang up and hang out.”
During this pandemic, social media has allowed us to “Go boldly
where we have never gone before” in the area of education. It has kept us
connected with family and friends while we shelter in place. But it’s just a
tool. Go make some memories outside of cyberspace and let’s all be careful — it’s
a jungle out there.
Deacon Silva is director of the diocesan Office of Child
Protection.