Tom McFadden Jr., vice president for enrollment and student success at Christendom College in Front Royal, is the author of “A Catholic’s Guide to Finding the Perfect Spouse: … with 101 Simple Questions.”
What is your home parish, and how did you become affiliated with the Arlington diocese? My home parish is St. John the Baptist Church in Front Royal, where I have been a parishioner since 2000.
Previously, I was director of religious education at Sacred Heart of Jesus Church in Winchester. I was baptized at St. John the Beloved in McLean, moved to Ireland for 12 years, then came back to Virginia and have been a member of this diocese since around 1990. My children are all homeschooled and I have worked at Christendom College in various roles since 2000.
Can you synopsize the book in a few sentences? People spend a lot of time and effort, and put a lot of emotional feelings into dating. And rightfully so. But most people spend the first couple of dates going places, doing things, having fun. That’s all good and fine, but just doing things and having fun doesn’t get to the heart of the matter: do you both feel the same way about certain topics, and do you both have the same beliefs on essential matters of faith, family, culture, and the world?
These are what my questions try to ask. There are no answers in the book, just questions. There is no commentary about the questions in the book, just the questions. There are no right answers to the questions other than the answers that each member of the dating couple comes up with. If you are both in agreement on the answers, move on to the next one. If you are in disagreement, then have that conversation to find out if it’s a deal breaker or not. The whole book is meant to give couples conversation starters.
Why did you write this book? I knew too many people — mostly relatives of mine — who were dating one person after another, and those relationships would break up after a long time. I always wondered why they couldn’t have figured out if they were compatible earlier on in the relationship so that they could end it before it got too serious.
This book began approximately 25 years ago as a pamphlet that I printed and sent to couples I knew who were dating. Since then, I have given it to hundreds of dating couples, both at Christendom and beyond. I’ve had random people from across the U.S. contact me about my famous “101 Questions,” as they were called, and there are many couples who have used these questions to go full steam ahead and get married, while there have been many who have determined that the relationship will not work. My older children used the questions with their future spouses, too, as did many of my siblings.
What’s something else the average Catholic in the pew should know about it? Marriage is very difficult. I’ve been married 33 years. Getting some of the common topics of contention out of the way could add to your marital bliss later on. Take the time to get to know the person, then go and have fun.
Find out more
The self-published book is available through Amazon.
