The other week, I grabbed coffee with an impressive new college graduate who is heading off to be a FOCUS missionary this fall. For his last few years of college, he led men’s small groups and Bible studies, so I asked him, “What are the top three issues young Catholic men are struggling with on campus today?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, he said, “Sexual sin. Partying. And lack of discipline.”
Then I asked, “What percentage of Catholic guys are struggling with sexual sin?”
He didn’t blink. “Well over 90 percent,” he said.
“And what do you mean by lack of discipline?” I asked. He answered, “It’s a widespread lack of striving for excellence and a giving in to addictive behaviors.”
On the way home, as I pondered my oldest son leaving for college this fall, I teared up. When I went to college, it was hard enough with the hookup culture, alcohol and other social pressures. And all of that was before the internet and smartphones. By comparison, my own children are now deploying into a war zone where their integrity will be tested in profound ways.
Later that evening, I had a man-to-man huddle with my oldest son. I said, “Listen, take it from a guy who is on the front lines. Here are the Big Three according to this new graduate and FOCUS missionary.” Our conversation lasted for more than an hour. We talked about how we are called to greatness, to be saints. Then we drilled down on practical strategies to safeguard against each of the Big Three. It was a turning point for us this summer. Before, we were focused on checklists of stuff for his dorm room. Now, we were talking about real life on campus.
St. John Paul II said, “The future of humanity passes by way of the family.”
To translate: How well our children resist the Big Three in the future depends on our daily witness in family life today. The lure of the Big Three doesn’t come from nowhere. It emanates from our own homes. Our own hearts, even.
The 22-year-old missionary’s assessment of today’s campus is a wakeup call for every dad who still has children under his roof. It’s a searing three-part examination of conscience that we must make.
First, are we living as men of integrity who allow no place in our hearts for sexual sin — including pornography, fantasy and adultery? Are we seeking the Lord as our first love and running to him in prayer, the Eucharist and the sacrament of reconciliation? Have we forged a culture of fraternal correction around ourselves such that we can be honest with a handful of brothers who spur us on to true discipleship? Are we men of ever-deepening freedom, healing and integrity?
If we are not living as men on mission, our children will sense it, even just at an inarticulate level, far below the surface. And that lack of confidence — in their own father’s integrity and love for his wife and children — will be exploited by the evil one to create first a fissure, and then a widening crack in the foundation of their future.
Second, are we living as men who model temperance in the use of alcohol, our time and all that we possess? Or are we slipping into a dulled, inebriated state through use of substances and devices? Are we checking out, withdrawing, and unavailable to our spouse and children? Or rather, are we so focused on Jesus Christ that our homes gradually become suffused by his peace and his joy?
Finally, are we striving for excellence? Are we bringing our laziness, sloth, passivity, and indifference to the Lord in prayer and confession? Are we modeling punctuality, commitment, responsibility, zeal for the mission God has called us to, and servant leadership?
We must call huddles with our kids to confront the Big Three in age-appropriate ways. But our talk is empty if we’re not modeling the faith ourselves. If we want our young men and women to launch into this world and set it afire with their faith, courage, and love, then we must first tackle the Big Three in our own hearts and living rooms. Today.
Johnson and his wife, Ever, are cofounders of trinityhousecommunity.org.
