“These have been five of the best days of our lives,” a friend texted me at the tail end of a visit he and his wife took to see their first grandchild. He’s beside himself. Overnight, he’s gone from low-key retiree to over-the-moon “Pops.”
I’m sending him Steve Gabriel’s “Hope for Your Grandchildren: Talking to the Third Generation About What Matters” (Scepter, 2022). Structured as a series of personal, revealing, and often humorous letters to his grandchildren, the book covers topics such as God, the church, family, sexuality, education, work and hardship. My friend will love it.
Over a recent lunch with Steve — a retired economist, author, father of eight and grandfather to 35 — I pressed him on the “why” of this new book. I had my reasons. I grew up next door to my widowed Grammie. Her door was always open. Her kitchen was my second home. Over the course of my childhood, I saw her faith in action as she served as a foster mom to over 40 unwed moms who brought their babies to term in her home.
Steve told me, “I wrote the book, first and foremost, for my grandchildren,” who range from infants to age 18, most of them living within driving distance.
“My hope,” Steve said, with a grandparent’s irrepressible joy and pride in his eyes, “is that my grandchildren will be happy, successful Catholic men and women and that my book of letters will help them navigate the tricky waters of life that lie ahead. I hope that other grandparents will be inspired to be a more formative force in the lives of their grandchildren.”
In other settings, I’ve sat across from far less joyful grandparents than Steve who are wrestling with a range of regrets — from their own shortcomings in spiritual leadership in the home decades ago, to the lack of faith they often see in their grandchildren.
So, I pressed Steve: “What would you say to grandparents with these types of struggles?” He is the first to acknowledge his record in the home wasn’t perfect, but he said, “Anyone who has dropped the ball on giving their kids a Catholic formation should focus on atoning.” But that’s not all. As his smile returned, Steve said, “They need to pray intensely for their kids and grandkids and look for opportunities to evangelize them in a very sincere, loving and natural way.”
“Hope for Your Grandchildren” offers something we all need: hope. In an accessible 100-page read, Steve delivers a win-win: first, the book can be given to any grandchild and used as a springboard for deeper conversations; second, the book can inspire grandparents to develop their own gameplan for sharing the faith with their grandchildren.
At the end of the day, Steve admits, no grandchild wants to be “lectured” by a grandparent about “heavy life issues” every time they talk. “I think kids want their grandparents to be fun and interested in them,” Steve said. Through visits, Facetime and calls, Steve tries to strengthen the bonds. This is what led him to resort to letters to convey the sentiments and advice he wanted to provide them.
“I think a lot depends on the chemistry you have with your grandchild,” Steve said. “Meaningful conversations are most effective in person, in a casual, unrushed, uninterrupted setting.”
And sometimes, Steve admitted, there are few words to say. With the sharp rise among teens of loneliness, anxiety and depression, he said, “Grandparents can reach out to their grandkids who are struggling with some of these issues and offer their friendship and understanding. Their grandkids need to know that they are loved unconditionally.”
Steve and every other grandparent who proactively shows up in their grandchildren’s lives with unconditional love, friendship, understanding and authentic faith are heroes in our midst.
My grandparents have passed away, but recently I called up my beloved great-aunt Joyce, 91. I told her about “Hope for Your Grandchildren,” and she said, “My greatest joy is that I have lived long enough to have a personal relationship with my 16 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren.” She told me that she spends a lot of time on her knees praying for her grandchildren, “the souls entrusted to me at this time,” and she sent me her daily prayer.
“Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word.”
Amen.
Soren and his wife, Ever, are co-founders of TrinityHouseCommunity.org.
