When children face the life-threatening diagnosis of a parent, everything changes.
“I had a 2-year-old when my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer and five kids under the age of 13,” said Andrea Albanese, a parishioner of St. Raymond of Peñafort Church in Springfield. “It’s a very common thing that when kids have a sick parent, people don’t know what to do. Their friendships change. People don’t know how to engage with you.”
Jim Albanese had just turned 40 when he got sick in 2015 and was soon diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer that typically afflicts much older people. “He went through two bone marrow transplants and fought as hard as he could,” said Andrea. “We went on retreat Memorial Day weekend of 2017 and by Father’s Day, he was no longer able to walk from tumors on his spine. We were on retreat again and making memories with our family and he passed away Aug. 28, 2017.”
The retreats that offered comfort to the Albanese family were sponsored by “Inheritance of Hope,” a Christian nonprofit organization whose mission is to support young families who are struggling with the advanced disease of a parent.
“My husband had done a lot of youth ministry and was very involved in church and he said that he had never seen such a beautiful Christian organization,” said Albanese, who serves as a volunteer for the Washington area chapter.
In addition to the “Legacy Retreats,” where families gather in destinations such as Orlando, groups meet locally in “Hope Hubs” to build community. Children develop strong bonds with peers who know and share their pain.
“It’s a place to connect families who feel very isolated during serious illness,” said Albanese. “Cancer doesn’t discriminate and we think it’s never going to happen to us. Even now, I think, did that really happen? It’s all such a blur. But I can say that IOH was the best thing that ever happened to our family and almost 10 years later, I’m volunteering and my kids are volunteering. The hope is that it becomes a household name because there are so many families that could benefit.”
Albanese credits IOH for modeling the love of Christ, and for helping her children stay close to God. “I used to tell my kids, ‘You have a choice in this,’ ” she said. “We were all angry at God and that’s a normal response when you lose such a great husband and father. But we can turn our back on God or turn toward him in this. It’s important for them to understand what it is to live the faith and to know that it brings suffering.”
Gianna Albanese, 18, will volunteer at her third retreat this month in Orlando. She wants kids facing the life-threatening illness of a parent to, “hold on to the hope that Christ gives us,” she said. “Illness is not the end. I recommend IOH because it’s a place where you will encounter people that have the same fears and are facing the same problems. You are not alone. You can discover a place of understanding where you don’t have to worry but can lean into hope with others.”
Inheritance of Hope spokesperson Jill Thompson remembered how Jim fought through his pain to make a legacy video for his family in 2017, “so that they would always have his voice, mannerisms and expressions,” she said.
“The Albanese family is very dear to Inheritance of Hope and we are so thankful to continue walking alongside them in their grief while celebrating their unique and amazing ability to walk alongside other families like theirs,” said Thompson.
Whether families are in shock after a recent diagnosis, or in grief following a death, IOH is a healing place for spouses as well. “I was on a retreat once and a man’s wife had stage-four cancer,” said Andrea. “He looked at me and said, ‘She’s my high-school sweetheart. I can’t live without her.’ And I said, ‘I know because I felt those same things.’ “
“I couldn’t take away his pain but I could share that moment and that heaviness. We can carry the cross with them, and lighten that load a little bit,” she said.
Nine years after Jim’s death, the healing process continues for the Albanese family. “I feel like we’ve healed to the point that it’s not painful the way it was and that we have hope that we will see Jim again and he’s praying for us daily,” said Andrea. “That’s what we share at Inheritance of Hope. We have hope in eternity and that our sufferings are not in vain.”
