The annual Women’s Conference at St. Joseph Church in Herndon began in an unconventional way — with a little bit of stretching.
Sister Mary Elizabeth Albers, a member of the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity, led the 600 women in an interactive exercise of “This or That” at the beginning of her talk March 15. On the nearby screens, she displayed two options, “Morning Person” or “Night Person.” She told the women to stretch their arms up in the air. On the count of three, the women answered the prompt, by stretching to the left for “Morning Person” or to the right for “Night Person.”
Sister Mary Elizabeth led the women through several rounds of the game. Then, as the laughs subsided, she applied the game’s theme to the spiritual life. “Think of your own heart,” she said. “What are the competing desires? Are there two things where you feel them both so strongly and you can’t imagine how the two can ever meet?”
These competing desires are the roots of human heartbreak, she said. Heartbreak touches humanity in many ways, she explained, particularly through the death of a loved one. But have you ever felt heartbreak when you visit a place in nature that once gave you an exquisite feeling of peace and joy, and it no longer gives you that feeling, she asked. That, too, is heartache.
But heartache isn’t all bad, she said. “(God) puts in us the desire for the eternal, for the unconditioned good, true and beautiful,” she said, “And so, life is full of heartache because we’re not there yet.”
Many of us feel that God has abandoned us when we experience pain and heartache, Sister Mary Elizabeth said. But in moments such as those, we may be closer to God than we realize she said, referencing a C.S. Lewis quote, “God whispers in pleasure, but he shouts in pain.”
It’s when we are in the dark, painful moments of life that we have the opportunity to reach out to God, to hope, but not in the trite sense, Sister Mary Elizabeth said. She referenced St. Thomas Aquinas’ definition of hope, where, “We desire and trust in God for eternal happiness, relying on his promises and grace, rather than our own strength.”
It was this radical hope that inspired the next speaker, Laura Phelps, to completely rebuild her life after her marriage began to crumble.
Phelps recalled how, in the eyes of the world, she had it all. She worked at a talent agency in Hollywood, mingled with celebrities and often attended champagne parties in Malibu.
And yet, “I felt utterly alone,” Phelps said. Searching for fulfillment, she looked to marriage, then to having children, to fulfill her spiritually, “but they didn’t reach that ache,” she said. “And I found myself asking some really difficult questions, like, ‘Is this the life for me? Did I marry the wrong person?’ ”
In the midst of this crisis, Phelps bought a ticket to hear Catholic speaker and author Matthew Kelly at a conference. His advice changed her life: “If you want your life to change, go to daily Mass every day for two weeks.”
“And so, I did it. I went to daily Mass, every day, two weeks. And everything changed,” she said.
Phelps said her reversion and reliance upon Christ in the Eucharist helped to heal the long-lasting ache within her. And through sharing her story with women across the country, she realized her story was not that different from so many others. “I think that what’s happened with many of us is we’ve confused our identity with our roles, and our roles with our identity,” she said.
A role, such as your career or social status, can change, “but your identity, your identity is bestowed upon you,” she said. “We’re daughters of God, and we have been made in his image and likeness,” and no discouraging lies of self-doubt should ever replace God’s voice, she added.
The women had much to meditate on at Mass celebrated by Bishop Michael F. Burbidge. In his homily, Bishop Burbidge reminded women of the theme for the 2025 Holy Year: hope. “Isn’t it true that so often, we only see our flaws, our mistakes, our limitations and sins?” he said before joking, “and if your family is like my family, they help us to see those things.”
“But still, I believe the Lord today is inviting you to see yourself as you truly are,” he added. “We are his beloved. We are precious in his sight, and nothing, no life experience, nothing we ever have done wrong can change that.”
After Mass, women enjoyed a luncheon and a Q&A panel discussion with Sister Mary Elizabeth, Phelps and Bishop Burbidge.
Siomara and Elizabeth Lopez, parishioners of All Saints Catholic Church in Manassas, enjoyed a mother-daughter day out at the conference. Siomara described the conference as “the opportunity God has given me,” to grow in faith during the Lenten season. She said the talks provided a good reminder to continually ask God for the gift of faith. “That is something I always forget to say, ‘Please, God, help me grow in faith,’ ” she said.
Elizabeth, who is preparing to receive the sacrament of confirmation, said that the day’s talks helped her spiritually grow in anticipation of the sacrament. “We are God’s daughters, and it’s something really special,” she said. “And I really want to grow into that.”
Stephanie Guigel, a parishioner of St. Andrew the Apostle Church in Clifton, said that Phelps’ talk on identity resonated with her. “We can’t be living from a performance-based identity. We have to live from the identity that’s bestowed on us,” she said. “I can only turn to Jesus to be truly healed.”
