When Emma Atkinson told her father that she wanted to be a cloistered Carmelite nun, he thought it was a fleeting desire.
“Like when she was a little girl and told me that she wanted to be a fairy, a butterfly, and even Dora the Explorer,” said Robert Atkinson. “However, as time went on, I began to see and realize that this was a sincere calling she had and that this was her future.”
Emma took the first step to her new future Feb. 2 at the Carmel of Port Tobacco in La Plata, Md., where she said goodbye to her family, knelt outside the enclosure, kissed the crucifix offered by Prioress Marie Bernardina, then entered the cloister as a postulant of the Discalced Carmelite Nuns.
“I think it’s always been something that’s sort of been in the back of my mind and my heart, but it’s something that I’ve been afraid of,” said Emma, who spoke to the Catholic Herald five days before entering the monastery. “I remember when I was confirmed in 2013, a close family friend asked me out of the blue, ‘If you were going to be a nun, what type of nun would you be?’ And without giving it a second thought, I said, ‘cloistered.’ I couldn’t tell you why I said cloistered at the time, but that’s what felt right.”
The thought stayed in the back of her mind as she pursued a career in the competitive world of ballet. Emma was accepted to the prestigious Atlanta Ballet Conservatory where she enrolled in 2017. It didn’t take long to realize she had made a mistake.
“I was very unhappy,” she said. “Dance is a very challenging career. It is very much about appearance and about whether you have the look that they’re looking for and I didn’t have the look or the build that they were looking for. And so, I was forced to face that this is something that I love that is not going to work out. I felt very empty.”
Emma returned home to live with her parents while attending the University of Mary Washington in Fredericksburg where she majored in English with a concentration in creative writing. But the “inner turmoil” continued throughout college. She dated and thought for a while that she was being called to the vocation of marriage.
“I had seen the beauty and the potential in marriage and the idea of marriage, but I also experienced my own unease with it. It was beautiful but it didn’t quite feel right. I was really seeking out someone to embody Christ for me, and I realized that who I wanted to fall in love with was Christ.”
Emma’s decision to finally enter the cloister came as no surprise to her mother. “She’s always had an internal beauty,” said Rocio Atkinson. “I already kind of knew somehow in my heart that God had something special for her. So, it’s been a process of completely accepting that.”
Accepting Emma’s vocation as a cloistered nun means that the only contact her family will have with her is limited to once-a-month visits, where they are permitted to hug her over the grill that separates the sisters from the outside world.
“I am very close to her, so the difficult thing for me is my physical attachment,” said Rocio. “It’s still difficult for me and it will continue to be. I love her so much, but God loves her more.”
“As a father, the hardest thing to do is to let go,” said Robert. “But there is no better place in the world than to be at Carmel serving God. To know that my daughter is in a safe, loving, and purposeful place serving God brings me much peace.”
For Emma’s friends who may be questioning her decision, her pastor responds with another question. “Why is it more fitting to give our gifts to the world instead of giving them to the Lord?,” asked Father John C. Mosimann, pastor of St. Mary of the Immaculate Conception Church in Fredericksburg. “Because prayer is intimate communion with the Lord. Those women who dedicate their lives and gifts to this noble purpose are enriching and supporting the life and ministry of every worker in the vineyard. Or, to adapt the words of Our Lord, Emma ‘has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.’ “
Her postulancy is for one year, when she will wear a simple sack dress and white blouse. After a year, she will receive her habit and begin the novitiate stage, which can last seven to nine years, before making final vows. Founded in 1790, the Carmel of Port Tobacco is the oldest Catholic convent for women in the U.S.
Emma admits that leaving her parents, two brothers, friends, and parish life at St. Mary in Fredericksburg, where she served as a cantor, is painful. But her perspective is eternal.
“I want to be united with all the people that I love in eternity,” she said. “And while living out my vocation, I’ll be praying for all those that I love to be in heaven. God willing, we all will be in heaven one day. So, even if we didn’t get to say goodbye on earth, we will get to say hello again in heaven.”
