Technology is not only overrated as an educational tool, but it also must be closely monitored by parents because of its rapidly changing nature and the trouble it can lead children into, according to a recent presentation by bestselling author Dr. Leonard Sax at the all-girls Oakcrest School in Vienna.
“We parents are in an arms race that most parents don’t realize is going on,” he said Oct. 6.
Sax, a family physician and psychologist, is the author of “The Collapse of Parenting,” “Why Gender Matters” and “Girls on the Edge,” among other works. He called the video app TikTok “toxic” and a “game changer.” In contrast to older apps such as Instagram and Facebook that connect people with one another to share common interests, TikTok simply feeds its users more of what they individually like.
“That turns out to be massively more addictive,” said Sax. He noted that he speaks often in Silicon Valley and many of the people who develop social media apps do not let their children on them.
His recommendations for parents included restricting social media use, installing parental monitoring apps (such as mSpy or Net Nanny), and banning smartphones and TVs from children’s bedrooms.
His remarks were sponsored by the Oakcrest Fathers Club, which has hosted him previously. Sax also delved into research illustrating differences between the sexes that necessitate dads address daughters differently than they do sons. Women are approximately twice as sensitive to sounds, compared to men, so a boisterous father could be misunderstood as a chronic shouter. Girls are more likely to talk to one another face to face, compared to boys, who place less emphasis on eye contact. “Never turn your back on your daughter,” he said. Young girls also respond better to adults who address them at their level, such as sitting on the floor, rather than towering over them.
Sax said studies demonstrate many benefits of a strong father-daughter relationship, including a decreased likelihood of engaging in risky sexual behaviors (even after they have moved on to college); lower rates of drug use; decreased prevalence of depression and eating disorders; and stronger marriages in adulthood. “Make the time to teach her about something you know and love,” he said, citing examples such as hiking, gardening and fishing.
Following Sax’s remarks, the scores of fathers present exchanged their reactions.
“Girls more than ever need the love and attention of their dads,” said Michael Barvick, Oakcrest’s director of institutional advancement, who organized the event. “We don’t want to just say that to parents, we want to give them resources which they can use to engage and have conversations with their wives and their daughters.”
“It’s always great to get a refresher, especially hearing from him directly,” said Alvin Castillo. “The books are great, but there’s just something about coming (together) face to face.”
“The things he talks about are so relevant,” said Daniel Beatty, who has two daughters at Oakcrest now and two others who graduated from the school. “There are certain aspects of our culture that truly are toxic. As a parent, it’s hard to keep up.”
Schweers can be reached at [email protected].
