Having a child go off to college can be challenging for a
mother because she might feel she has lost her purpose and
identity, said Laurel Howanitz, a parishioner of St. Mark
Church in Vienna. That is why she formed a support group for
St. Mark mothers to share their experiences during the
transition and pray for their children.
“We work hard to build (their sense of purpose and identity)
back up with friendship and Scripture,” Howanitz said.
Having a support system rooted in faith and Scripture was
crucial for her.
“I needed to know that God was in control,” she said.
“Sometimes you would not know things like, ‘Is my child
eating today?’ but you have to turn it over. You just have to
trust that God is there.”
To help them do this the mothers read a chapter of a book,
The Power of a Praying Parent, during monthly meetings. They
also discuss their concerns and get advice from veteran
college mothers on how to support their children even if they
are not there. At the end of the meetings, they prepare care
packages.
When Howanitz started the support group two years ago, she
prayed that at least three mothers would show up. Since then
the St. Mark group has taken off, expanding to two monthly
sessions -one in the morning and one in the evening – with at
least a dozen mothers coming to support each other and pray
together for their children and all college-age youths. As
participants invited friends from other parishes, many
started asking how to start their own group.
“You spend 18 years of your life taking care of your children
and when they are gone you are like, ‘What do I do?’,” said
Kim Monroe, a parishioner of St. John Neumann Church in
Reston. “You feel like a new mom thinking that nobody else is
overwhelmed with the same issues. … To hear other
women’s trials, tribulations and what is working (for them)
has been a great support.”
Monroe found out about the meetings at St. Mark through her
parish bulletin and the encouragement of her youngest son,
who was a senior in high school.
Remembering the anguish she experienced when her first son
when to college, she knew that she could use a little help
and found a way to plan her work schedule to fit the morning
meetings. “A lot of times women do need the extra support but
they are not taking care of themselves,” Monroe admitted.
“Sometimes it takes somebody to plant the seed of an idea.”
Last year Monroe started a morning and evening meeting at St.
John Neumann. She said the meetings are not only helpful for
“empty-nesters” but anybody who is coping with their children
embarking on a new journey. It includes mothers with children
who are about to start college, are going back to school,
starting grad school or trying to figure out their career
path.
Everything shared in the group is confidential, a prayer
network, she said. Sometimes the power of their collective
prayers is tangible – a child calls home, starts going to
Mass again or just is able to find his or her niche after a
rough transition – and other times they hope the Lord works
quietly.
Mary Arendt, a parishioner of Our Lady of Good Counsel Church
in Vienna, said hearing other mothers is preparing her for
when her eldest daughter goes to college next fall.
“As parents we are always looking for other parents that have
gone through the challenges facing us today,” Arendt said.
“They are praying that my daughter makes the right decision
and adjusts well. It’s so comforting.”
She will start a similar group for other mothers at Our Lady
of Good Counsel so they can experience the same relief and
encouragement.
Howanitz has been amazed by the participants’ willingness to
bring support to other mothers and is looking for other women
who want to be group leaders in their parishes. Howanitz said
that being part of this group helps mothers realize that no
matter the stage of life their children are in, when they
release them to God they are in good hands.
“The point is to remember somebody else is watching now,” she
said. “Turn your child over and believe everything is going
to be OK.”
Negro can be reached at [email protected] or on
Twitter @MNegroACH.
Find out more
Contact Laurel Howanitz at 703/759-2094 or [email protected].
