Q. My sister was upset with her adult
daughter and her husband (who is a convert to Catholicism) when they took holy
Communion recently after having missed Mass. She told her daughter that they
had committed a mortal sin by missing Mass and then, again, by receiving
Communion without first going to confession. She had brought up the matter
before with her daughter.
My question is this: Is my sister being
judgmental and wrong, or would this be considered helpful guidance in getting
her daughter and her family back on God's path? Her daughter resents her mother
for doing this, and the daughter's husband is angry. My fear is that they will
become alienated from the church and stop bringing their kids up Catholic. Can
you help me to help my sister? (Sacramento, Calif.)
A. Your sister is right on her theology but, perhaps, wrong on
her strategy. Clearly, the church teaches that the obligation to attend Sunday
Mass is a serious one. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: "The
Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice.
For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on
days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness,
the care of infants) ... Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit
a grave sin" (No. 2181).
Gravity of matter, of course, is just one of three conditions
necessary for mortal sin — the others being complete consent of the will and
full knowledge of the sinful character of the act or omission. Assuming that
your niece and her husband fulfilled these conditions, they must have their
sins forgiven in the sacrament of penance before receiving the Eucharist.
But the "strategy question" is how best to encourage
that family to fidelity to their faith. Your sister has already brought it to
their attention; to continue to berate them about it, I would think, would be
counterproductive — and, from what you say, that seems to be the case. Better
at this point, it seems to me, for your sister to spend her time not in
offering "helpful guidance" to her daughter's family, but praying for
them instead.
Questions may be sent to Fr. Kenneth Doyle at
askfatherdoyle@gmail.com and 30 Columbia Circle Dr., Albany, New York 12203.