She married a man who was active duty in the U.S. Air Force 17
years ago. They’ve moved 10 times since. And she’s lived in Alexandria for
seven out of the last 12 years on three separate tours of duty. Michelle Still
Mehta was able to maintain her successful career in consulting until a 2002
move to Incirlik Air Base in Turkey.
“Suddenly I became a real military wife,” she said. “Suddenly all
of what I had accomplished didn’t really matter and it was a real transition
for me and I struggled for a couple of years trying to make sense of that. I
felt that I was really alone in that struggle.”
Her book, Silent
Sacrifice on the Homefront, shares the stories of 21 Air Force
spouses all similar to her own.
Mehta is a consultant, researcher, writer and coach specializing
in military spouse employment, the psychology of working life and
organizational change.
“I say ‘silent sacrifice’ because so many of us live this
conflicted life where we find it very hard to give up that part of our identity
or try to forge a career while moving around and supporting a military member,”
said Mehta. “It’s not an issue that is widely known or understood, and many of
us suffer in silence as a result.”
Mehta said there is a strong sense of patriotism and service in
the military culture. Many wonder if they have a right to complain. “More than
one spouse said how can I complain about this when my husband is willing to die
for our country,” she said. “A lot of us want to contribute, we don’t want to
complain, but it adds up to a widespread problem when there’s almost
three-quarters of a million active duty military and the vast majority of the
spouses are underemployed or unemployed.”
Mehta said it’s a significant problem and it’s time to let people
know there are real impacts financially and psychologically for military
families.
“It’s not just about finding a job but mindfully managing the
roles in your life,” she said. “It’s about understanding what you want out of
that life and how to put that together with your spouse.”
Mehta uses a framework of three Ms — marriage, motherhood and
military — to provide advice on balancing the areas to sustain a career.
Throughout her book, she includes reflection questions.
“Although 92 percent of military spouses are female, male spouses
do face many of the same challenges of maintaining a career,” said Mehta. “Although,
the research does show that males spouses fare a little better than female
spouses in earnings and employment.”
Faith is one way Mehta has found support. “One of the Catholic
values I was raised with is the value of social justice. To me, this is a
social justice issue where military families are, by default, less financially
secure because they are not able to reliably sustain two incomes,” said Mehta. “Finding
ways to gain financial stability is a social justice issue.”
Mehta and her family attend Mass at military chapels, including
at Joint Base Myer-Henderson Hall. “They have been a mainstay for us and being
able to have Catholic schools,” she said. “We often go to Mass and become
parishioners at military base chapels because we can connect with people going
through what we are going through. That connection is always unspoken but
always there.”
Mehta wants civilians to “understand with compassion that
military spouses choose to serve but need awareness and understanding of the
issues that prevent them from being able to be full contributing members.”
Military spouses are not alone.
“So many women feel like they have failed because they weren’t
successful professionals while being a military spouse,” said Mehta. “I hope
that military spouses realize it’s not about them. It’s really a systemic issue
— it’s not their issue to suffer with.”