NEW ORLEANS — Lent is coming. So is the salvation of many a
harried Catholic couple with three or four mouths to feed on a seafood-only
Friday night — the parish fish fry.
The fish fry has become a savory staple of parish fellowship. All
in good fun, and in the advancement of culinary civilization, many parishes in
the Archdiocese of New Orleans have embarked on a seafood arms race that would
require drones with infrared cameras to monitor properly.
What used to be fairly simple fare — one piece of fried catfish,
a couple of scoops of potato salad and a dinner roll — has evolved into
delights more suited for silver-platter covers than for Styrofoam.
Seeking repeat business and word-of-mouth promotion, some
parishes vary their menus each Friday of Lent, providing alternating options
such as shrimp and okra, blackened catfish, shrimp and grits, shrimp pasta Alfredo,
crab and corn bisque, and for the healthy eater, even grilled redfish.
The fish fry also brings to mind an esoteric grammar lesson —
really, a pitched battle where semicolons, ampersands and the Oxford comma are
flung into the sky like arrows – regarding the proper usage of the plural of
fish "fry."
Inquiring minds – especially Catholic newspaper editors during
Lent — need to know: Should the headline of their calendar-of-events listings
be fish "fries" or fish "frys"?
This grammar battle brings to mind a favorite inside joke about
the church.
Question: What's the difference between a liturgist and a
terrorist? Answer: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A grammarian shares a liturgist's DNA. There are rules to be
followed, even when both possible answers look wrong.
First, let's dispense with what we know the plural of fish fry is
not. Anyone who uses fish "fry's" — where the apostrophe somehow
tricks the brain into believing a possessive is a plural — is hereby required
to repeat third grade with Sister Mary de Lourdes, for whom the improper use of
an apostrophe would bring on a case of apoplexy.
Normally, in tough cases of grammar usage, editors rely on The
Associated Press stylebook, which, of course, is conspiratorially silent on the
plural of fish fry.
Often, it's helpful to Google the two competing versions — in
this case, "Is it fish fries or fish frys?" — and then see what pops
up. When the replies come up 50-50, that's about as helpful and accurate as
flipping a coin.
That's not a good answer.
Enter Alex Martin, writing chief of The
Wall Street Journal, who is a graduate of New Orleans' Holy Cross High
School. He worked for The Times-Picayune daily
newspaper in New Orleans in the 1980s and then for New
York Newsday on Long Island for 16 years. His dad used to work at the
family restaurant — Martin's Po-Boys.
"We ate fish a lot on Fridays, but there was all manner of
stuff — fried fish, fish sticks and french fry po’boys," Martin said.
"We would eat the french fry po’boys without the stuff that makes them
great — the roast beef gravy."
Martin knows po’boys. He also knows poor grammar. Realizing the
culinary history of New Orleans rested on the answer to the plural of fish fry,
he embarked on a serious investigation.
"It's one of those things that doesn't look right either
way," Martin acknowledged. "I really had never thought about it
before. We had Zatarain's fish fry in the pantry at home, but I never thought
of the plural."
First, Martin looked in the official Wall
Street Journal stylebook.
"Of course, it wasn't in there," he said, laughing.
"Why would it be?"
So, the next thing he's been trained to do is to go to the Journal's official dictionary — Webster's
New World. The online version did not make the answer
"obvious," so Martin then went to item No. 3 on his checklist
hierarchy — the hardbound volume of Webster's.
"I finally found it – it says 'fries’, " Martin said.
"The more I thought about it, I could see why some people would complain
about it because 'fish fries' might be like 'chicken fries.' The only way I
could think about getting around that would be to put a hyphen between 'fish'
and 'fries,' even though there's no earthly or godly reason to put a hyphen
between 'fish' and 'fries.'"
Please, don't insert that renegade fish stick into this debate.
In this case, Martin said, Webster's
rules.
It's fish "fries."
"Usually, what happens in this business is that somebody
gets frustrated because we've spelled a name like 'Gaddafi' many different
ways, so someone says, 'Please, come up with one way to do it.' Then ensues a
great Talmudic debate, and eventually a board of rabbis rules, and there it
is."
Martin will be happy to learn he has even one more semicolon in
his grammarian's quiver.
David Robinson, an executive of the Linguistic Society of
America, which will meet with its 1,200 members in New Orleans next January,
says the "Learner's Dictionary," another Webster's product,
identifies the plural of fish fry as "fish fries."
Undoubtedly, the "fries" vs. "frys" debate
will roil on at 350 degrees for decades.
In the meantime, before the next ecumenical council weighs in,
enjoy your catfish — fried, broiled, paneed or baked.
Fish: It's what's for dinner.
Finney is executive editor and general manager of Clarion
Herald, newspaper of the Archdiocese of New Orleans.
Editor's note: The Catholic Herald editors respectfully disagree and will use Fish Frys should the occasion arise.