The first and only movie I have ever watched while wearing a full
suit and tie was, of all things, Disney’s “Frozen 2.” Five brother seminarians
and I did not have time to change after an event, so there we were, six grown
men decked out in black suits, watching what was then the latest Disney
release.
Not long into the film, protagonist Elsa sings her (now very
well-known) solo, “Into the Unknown.” I am sure the writers did not intend this
— and it was certainly not something I
would have expected in that setting — but I was struck by how well the lyrics
captured much of what I’d experienced in my own discernment, which eventually
led me to seminary.
In the song, Elsa expresses a sense of longing that could not be
ignored. She’s a queen who seems to have everything together and for whom life
is going well. Yet something is off. She is experiencing a longing for
something more that she cannot ignore. She sings, “There’s a thousand reasons I
should go about my day and ignore your whispers which I wish would go away … I’m
afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you into the unknown … What do you
want?” And she concludes by saying, “There’s part of me that longs to go into
the unknown.”
Talk to anyone who is considering the priesthood or religious
life and you will find these same sentiments echoed by them. In my discernment
to enter seminary I had to struggle with a sense of fear at the risk before me.
Who would leave familiar circumstances (which for me were graduate school and a
clear career path) to pursue a call that had no guarantees?
And yet, I had a deep-down desire that longed for something more.
It is always difficult to describe; I can only compare it to a powerful
movement of the heart that draws you out of yourself. Despite all the risks and
reasons not to, there was a part of me that really wanted to go. And it became
apparent that only pursuing this desire would give me a shot at internal and
lasting peace.
The only problem was that I had no idea how to “discern.” I had
certainly heard the word, but how does one “do” discernment? I began simply by
finding a priest (or it could be another trusted confidant) I could meet
monthly (for lunch at Panera) and talk through my thoughts, prayers and the
movements within my heart.
What I learned was this: Discernment is a slow process and we
can’t enter expecting 100 percent certainty. I had determined that God was
calling me to consider the priesthood, then began several months of more active
discernment seeking clarity: moving from awareness that something is happening,
to trying to understand that movement or feeling, then to acting on that
understanding. I started asking God daily, “What small steps can I take today
to get closer to that vision you have planted in my heart of who you want me to
be?” I would take the small steps, then reassess.
I would like to have received a detailed plan and instructions of
what God had in mind, but of course it doesn’t work that way. It was more about
growing in trust and in love: The time spent in prayer led me to fall more in
love with God and trust in the direction he was leading me (both of which are
essential if you’re considering entrusting him with your life).
By the end of “Frozen 2,” Elsa has found her identity and her
life’s new role. Our identity is found in the Lord, and we will find our role
in this life only by courageously following him into the unknown.
Meyerhofer, from Our Lady of Hope parish in Potomac
Falls, is in his first year of pre-theology at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in
Wynnewood, Pa.