WAVERLY, Iowa — Now more than ever, grandparents have an
essential role in their families, particularly when it comes to passing on the
faith to future generations.
"We had to realize that while society doesn't value
grandparents, God does," said Crystal Crocker, to a group of about 120
people at St. Mary Church in Waverly. "You're needed. You still have a job
to do."
Crocker, director of the Office of Evangelization for the
Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, was the keynote speaker at a daylong
conference Aug. 25 called "Grandparenting: Leaving a Legacy of Faith"
—the first event of its kind in the Archdiocese of Dubuque.
Crocker is known for spearheading one of the first diocesan
ministries in the nation focused on grandparents. She realized it was necessary
to reach out to the elder members of the church because of the unique wisdom
they can provide their families.
"You have to be a spiritual grandparent," urged
Crocker. "Our goal is to get our children and grandchildren to
heaven."
She spoke to the conference participants in the morning and
afternoon on God's call to grandparents and on passing on a legacy of faith.
The day also featured Mass with Dubuque Archbishop Michael O. Jackels and three
breakout sessions that focused on tough questions facing grandparents such as:
What do you do if your adult children have stopped practicing their faith?
Deacon Gary and Kay Aitchison, two pioneers in grandparenting
ministry in the archdiocese, were joined by other archdiocesan church leaders:
Mary Pedersen, director of Adult Faith Formation, and Matt Selby, director of
the Office of Marriage and Family Life, in leading breakout sessions. The
Aitchbones have written a six-session small group program for grandparents
called "The Grand Adventure: A New Call to Grandparenting" based on
their experience with the Christian Family Movement.
"Fifty-four percent of Americans over 50 are
grandparents," said Deacon Aitchison.
"We like to think that grandparents are blessings and
anchors to our grandchildren," his wife added.
In his homily, Archbishop Jackels shared some of his own
experiences with family members who are not practicing the faith, saying that
he could identify with many at the conference as one of six children who were
raised Catholic.
"I'm the only one who still goes to church," he said.
He encouraged people to show people the truth and power of Jesus'
love by their own actions.
"The wagging finger doesn't work so well with adult
children," said the archbishop. "The most effective thing is the
example, the imitation of Christ."
Some of the attendees, like Jill and Dean Rowell of St. Isidore Church
in Springville, were brand new grandparents.
"We have a 3-month-old grandson," said Jill. "Our
son did have his baby baptized, but they aren't actively attending Mass, so
we're hoping to hear some ideas on how to encourage him and our grandson in
faith and knowing God."
During his session, Selby, a convert to Catholicism from
evangelical Protestantism, offered guidance on reaching out to adult children
and other family members.
"Don't blame yourself," said Selby. "There's free
will involved. You've got to recognize their free will and don't beat yourself
up."
He and Crocker offered several practical "do's and
don'ts," when reaching out to adult children and other family members who are
not practicing their faith.
Both speakers emphasized the importance of prayer, fasting and
sacrificing for children and grandchildren. They also offered this tip: Let
parents be parents.
"Let the parents discipline and you can come in and be the
consoler," said Crocker. "Understand that it's tough to be a parent.
You can continue to influence, but you no longer have control. We can't change
people. God can change them."
Russo is editor of The Witness, archdiocesan newspaper of
Dubuque.