Many people are filled with joyful anticipation and festive good
cheer right now. But some are apprehensive and may also experience heightened
feelings of loneliness as Christmas approaches. Or perhaps they feel empty
inside.
This type of reaction is commonly referred to as the holiday
blues.
Older adults are particularly susceptible because they’re more
likely to experience losses, such as a spouse or other companion, a longtime
home, financial security, health and physical functioning and the independence
associated with it. As a result, they’re not able to celebrate the holidays the
way they always have.
Feelings of grief may include sadness, frustration, anger,
anxiety and guilt — emotions that sap energy and create stress.
Fortunately, there are many things that relatives can do to help
seniors in this situation experience enjoyment during the holiday season.
If you have a family member who is widowed or living with illness
or disability, read on for some ways to lift their spirits and lighten their
load.
Addressing Stress
Bake extra holiday treats to share with your relative.
Offer to help decorate, wrap gifts, address greeting cards and
take them to the post office or perform other holiday-related tasks.
Take your relative out to the mall for gift shopping and lunch.
Arrange accessible transportation if necessary.
Let them know when you are heading out to the grocery store or on
other errands, and ask what you can drop off or pick up to make things easier.
If they don’t drive, offer transportation so they can get to a
hair appointment, do banking or attend a holiday event.
Giving Gifts
Resist the urge to go overboard with gifting, so your relative
doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate. If the two of you are part of a large
extended family, suggest a new tradition of drawing names, giving family
presents instead of individual gifts or buying only for the children.
Ask, rather than guess, what kind of gifts your relative would
prefer. Practical presents, such as grocery store or pharmacy gift cards,
toiletries, clothing, home safety equipment and adaptive aids, may be most
appreciated.
Consider, too, gifts of time and talent. Create a book of IOUs
for home-cooked meals, baked goods, household chores or repairs, yard work,
chauffeuring, running errands or teaching a skill such as computers.
If your relative doesn’t need anything, give a charitable gift in
their name. (Knowing someone in need is being helped may give them some
satisfaction.)
Planning Ahead
Be prepared to modify or forego traditions that aren’t practical
for your relative, such as a late-night gathering or an event at their home. It
may be time to start a new ritual; brainstorm ideas with other family members.
Be sensitive to your relative’s health care needs when
considering the time period for a family event. Before deciding on a venue,
determine their environmental needs, addressing accessibility and safety
issues.
When you extend an invitation, do so with the understanding that
your relative may back out if they don’t feel up to the occasion. Encourage
them to take things one day at a time and to ensure plenty of time for
self-care.
Staying Connected
The following are some ideas for spending quality time together
and creating lasting memories:
Invite your relative over for a baking or tree decorating party
or to watch a favorite holiday movie.
Invite them to your children’s or grandchildren’s school
Christmas pageant or holiday recital and provide transportation.
Take them out to a concert or theater production. Or go on a
holiday light tour, followed by dessert at a restaurant.
Invite them to share recipes for special dishes or sweets. Offer
to coordinate a cooking or baking demonstration. Even if they’re not physically
able to participate, they can still provide instruction and supervision.
Ask your relative to join your family for Mass. Invite them to
sleep over so they can be part of the Christmas morning excitement in your
household.
Encourage them to reminisce about holidays from their youth,
including family customs, special people and places, memorable gifts and
touching or humorous moments.
Petsche is a social worker and a freelance writer in
Ontario, Canada.