I’ve always appreciated the notion of self-care in an Oprah
Winfrey, hot-baths-and-expensive-chocolates kind of way. We work so hard, the
thinking goes, that we deserve a break here and there. So splurge on that full
price gift to yourself. Book the massage. Binge on the new season.
This philosophy is easy to get behind.
But it recently was challenged when I encountered the writings of
Julia Hogan, a 30-year-old therapist whose book “It’s OK
To Start With You” presents self-care through a Catholic worldview,
giving permission to readers to take it up with greater resolve by
understanding it in a clearer light.
The impetus for the book came through observations from Hogan’s
private practice, seeing client after client who was suffering because she had
neglected self-care. The consequences were wide-ranging, but they often circled
back to the same root cause.
Julia had a message for them.
“True self-care is much more than a collection of sayings or
self-indulgent, surface-level practices,” she writes in her book. “It’s a way
of life that reinforces the fact, rooted in our dignity as God’s children, that
we are worth love and care. It’s a set of habits, built over time, that takes
seriously the Gospel command to ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“We remember to look out for our neighbors but not always our own
wellbeing, which can affect our ability to take care of our neighbors,” Julia
told me, perched at the kitchen table of her Chicago apartment and framed by
gold paper wheels on the wall.
The surest way to truly embrace 2019, she said, is to practice
self-care. “When we think of resolutions, we tend to think ‘lose X amount of
weight or go to the gym more or make more money.’ It’s appreciating who you are
right now and investing in that. Self-care requires work. It’s a discipline.”
For years I had seen it as a series of hastily justified, “I
deserve this” indulgences, not an ongoing discipline. How enlightening to
consider self-care as long-term, sustainable habits that replenish the body,
mind and spirit.
What that looks like differs for each of us and requires an
honest assessment of our current needs held up against our big-picture goals.
It could mean saying no more often — or it could mean saying yes
to nurture relationships proactively. It could require cutting back on social
media — or it could simply necessitate greater mindfulness about when and why
you scroll through Instagram. It might mean staying up later for a favorite
show, but it may well call for an early bedtime. It might mean feasting on a
Sunday brunch that deviates from the diet — or ordering the salad.
The discipline of self-care is softened by Julia’s call for
leisure, which she distinguishes from idleness as a “much richer concept” — not
an aimless passing of time but a happy pursuit intentionally engaged in to
restore your sense of balance.
That’s what brought Julia to her watercolor paints on a recent
Thursday morning, a hobby she turns to for enjoyment, not expertise. While we
spoke, she studied and painted a snake plant.
“It’s exciting to provide an alternative to our conventional
understanding of self-care that really resonates with people,” she said,
tilting her head as she outlined the third leaf. “My work flows from my faith
and the belief that everyone is loved by God. I’m not just helping my clients
overcome depression or anxiety but to understand who they are as a person.”
This winter, Julia is offering digital workshops to supplement
the free downloadable resources on her website. She’s hoping for a ripple
effect.
“Taking care of yourself fuels you to do good in the world
wherever you are called.”
Capecchi is a freelance writer from Inver Grove Heights,
Minn.