I had just begun my initiation to religious life when a very kind
Little Sister offered to share with me the secret to joy.
Of course I wanted to know the secret, I responded.
JOY, she confided, is a matter of putting Jesus first, Others
second and Yourself last.
Her advice made a lot of sense and, for me, has mostly proven
true. When we pay more attention to God and other people than to ourselves, the
result is usually a deep and imperturbable sense of joy.
Recently, someone suggested another acronym based on the word
joy.
JOY, I learned, can stand for Jesus, Old and Young people coming
together. To express it in mathematical terms, Jesus + Old + Young = JOY.
Pope Francis would love this equation, since he has often
expressed his desire to see a new embrace between the old and the young.
“The young are focused on the future and they face life with
energy and dynamism,” Pope Francis wrote, adding that they are tempted to give
little attention to their roots, especially the gifts transmitted to them by
their parents, their grandparents and the society in which they live.
“Helping the young to discover the living richness of the past,
to treasure its memory and to make use of it for their choices and
opportunities, is a genuine act of love towards them,” Pope Francis suggested
in “Christus Vivit,” the document he wrote after
last year’s synod on young people.
“A genuine act of love.” Helping young people to treasure their
roots is a beautiful gift we adults can give them — and there is no better time
than Christmas when the holidays naturally offer many opportunities to gather,
reminisce and do things together.
Don’t despair if the youngsters in your family seem unwilling to
disconnect from their mobile devices in order to partake in your family’s
cherished Christmas traditions or stories. A recent survey cited in the Wall Street Journal found that more than 90 percent of
teenagers and young adults are able to retell family stories when asked, even
if they seemed uninterested while the stories were being told.
Young people absorb more from family stories than most adults
think, especially if those stories are humorous or entertaining, or if they
convey timeless life lessons. Such stories help the young to feel that they
belong to a larger family or culture. Family stories help them to develop roots
and a sense of identity, and they offer guides and values for living.
Another study found that children who were more aware of their
family history were more resilient and experienced less anxiety.
A third study found that when parents related personal stories
describing negative experiences and how they were able to overcome them, their
children had better social and academic skills.
In “Christus Vivit,” Pope Francis
tells young people how important it is to be rooted in their family and
cultural history. “It pains me to see young people sometimes being encouraged
to build a future without roots, as if the world were just starting now,” he
wrote. “It is impossible for us to grow unless we have strong roots to support
us and to keep us firmly grounded. It is easy to drift off when there is
nothing to clutch or hold onto.”
Sue Shellenbarger, the Wall Street Journal
author who cites the studies I’ve mentioned, offers suggestions for successful
family storytelling: 1) Think it through in advance and come up with a few
meaningful, interesting stories to tell during holiday gatherings; 2) choose
stories that are relevant to youngsters’ current lives and struggles; 3) keep
stories light and entertaining; 4) reframe old stories to find new meaning in
them; and 5) include the actors’ viewpoints and emotions in your narratives.
I’ll add a suggestion of my own: I’ve found that self-deprecating
humor is endearing, especially with teens and young adults. I think it makes us
more approachable and allows others to admit their vulnerability.
Finally, as you prepare for family gatherings during the upcoming
Christmas season, ask Our Lady of the Visitation to inspire you. During her own
Advent, Mary visited her older cousin Elizabeth, who was also miraculously with
child. While Mary brought Elizabeth the joy of Christ’s presence and helped her
with household tasks, I am sure that Elizabeth offered Mary the gifts of a
listening ear, encouragement, wise counsel and the affirmation of her special
vocation.
Sr. Constance Veit is director of communications for the Little
Sisters of the Poor.