I watched “13 Reasons Why,” so you don’t have to.
You’re welcome.
I wanted to write about the show, but I wanted to know what I was
talking about it. So I binge-watched it last weekend.
I strongly urge you not to do the same.
“13 Reasons Why” is a Netflix series about a teenage girl, Hannah
Baker, who commits suicide. Hannah leaves behind 13 audio cassettes detailing
13 reasons — really 13 people — who led her to kill herself.
I thought the first few episodes were very good. The device of
having Hannah “narrate” via the tapes is very effective, and draws the viewer
into the drama. At first, I also thought that this show could be an effective
platform for sparking important discussions between parents and teens.
But then, three or four episodes in, I changed my mind. I didn’t
have 13 reasons, but I had three very good ones:
First, the series suddenly got very explicit. I believe it was
the fifth episode that finally gave a warning that the show contained explicit
material, and was not suitable for younger audiences. But by that point, I had already
seen way more porn use, masturbation, homosexual experimentation, etc. than I
cared to see. Thanks to the handy-dandy heads up, I knew to fast forward
through graphic depictions of not one but two sexual assaults, and then the
suicide itself. But I saw enough to know that nobody, of any age, should be
allowing those images into their heads.
Shows that talk about important, difficult topics can be a
valuable springboard for discussion. But graphic sexual and violent depictions
are entirely different. Those images have tremendous power. Our brains are
wired to react strongly to them. When we put them in our heads, they tend to
stay there. They “imprint.” Especially for children and teenagers who are still
relatively innocent, this can be extremely disturbing.
Second, the series took me to a very dark place, very quickly. It’s
hard to describe, except to say that it was ugly. I wanted to take a shower —
with holy water. It lasted the entire weekend, whether I was watching the show
or not. If I felt that way as an adult woman, how would the same show impact
young, impressionable kids?
And third, I have zero doubt that this show is going to lead to
far more suicides than it prevents. In fact, school districts are already
reporting an uptick in suicide threats among elementary and middle school
students since the series debuted.
I don’t think the producers intended this. I saw the “Behind the
Reasons” documentary afterward, where they all gave earnest interviews about
how important this work is, and how they are saving lives by telling this
story.
And I thought, “Could you all possibly be this stupid?”
Hannah’s tapes are a great literary device. They also,
unfortunately, offer the perfect “suicide as revenge” fantasy.
In life, Hannah was overlooked. Boys (well, most boys) saw her as
an object. Girls saw her as an annoyance, or a competitor. But in death, she
becomes the star of the school. Her locker becomes a shrine. Her life and death
become the school’s sole topic of conversation. She is suddenly “popular.”
What’s more, thanks to the tapes, she is finally in control. She
calls the shots from beyond the grave. She turns the tables on everyone who
hurt her, and completely upends their lives.
Hannah gets her revenge.
Of course, the show depicts her parents’ anguish, and all kinds
of other fall-out that a clear-thinking, well-adjusted person could see as
potential downside to ending one’s own life.
But suicidal teenagers are neither clear-thinking nor
well-adjusted.
Once, years ago, I was present at a spontaneous “rally” for a
high school student who had killed himself. His classmates took turns standing
up to talk about him — how wonderful he was, how much everybody loved him, how
sad they were that he was gone. The kids had created T-shirts with his name
emblazoned on the front, and one boy even had the same design tattooed on his
chest. I could practically see the wheels turning in the heads of some of the
more marginalized students. “Wow, I’d love it if all of these people gathered
around the flagpole to say all of those nice things about me.”
Suicide is contagious. Research consistently shows that one
person’s suicide can reinforce a vulnerable person’s motivation to join them. And
when those at-risk kids see that person’s status elevated from high school
loser to posthumous celebrity, it intensifies that effect. Couple that with a
dramatic depiction of successful post-mortem revenge, and all the discussion in
the world won’t override suicide’s
seductive appeal.
There is a reason why mental health professionals everywhere are
issuing warnings about the series. The JED Foundation, a suicide prevention
organization, declined to endorse it, saying they couldn’t support a show that amounted
to “one long revenge story.” Michael Jackson’s 19-year-old daughter, Paris, who
herself has attempted suicide, called the show “extremely triggering.” The
National Association of School Psychologists has advised teens who have had
suicidal thoughts to avoid the series entirely.
I’m hearing about a lot of parents who are watching “13 Reasons
Why” with their kids. Please know that I believe that watching shows about hard
issues can be a great springboard for discussion. But I don’t believe this show
is the right vehicle for that. In fact, I believe it’s dangerous.
Yes, kids already are facing issues such as these. Yes, I believe
that you need to discuss them. A lot. But I also believe it matters what images
you allow into your kids’ heads. Violent, sexual images and graphic depictions
of death should not be among them. Nor should long, dramatic stories about
suicide as an effective vehicle for revenge.
Your kids need guidance. They need discussion. But they don’t
need this.
Bonacci is a syndicated columnist based in Denver and the
author of We’re On a Mission from God and Real Love.