When couples get married in the Arlington diocese, their six months of preparation usually includes filling out a premarital questionnaire known as the FOCCUS Pre-marriage Inventory.
FOCCUS — which stands for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study — is a tool designed to help engaged couples learn more about themselves and their relationship, said Thérèse Bermpohl, executive director of the diocesan Office of Marriage, Family and Respect Life.
The questionnaire is intended to “open the lines of communication,” prompting couples to talk about important topics they may never have discussed, said Bermpohl, who trains priests and deacons in how to use the inventory to facilitate conversations with couples in their parishes. “Equally as important, it encourages couples to think about how God fits into their marriage,” she said.
FOCCUS assesses 19 categories to help couples sort through the challenges and strengths they bring to the marriage, ranging from areas such as finances and lifestyle expectations to sexuality, spirituality and parenting. The main section presents 151 statements, with additional sections for interfaith couples, remarriages, cohabiting couples and those with children. Examples of statements in the inventory include “I am concerned that my parents or my future spouse’s parents may interfere in our marriage relationship,” or “We are in agreement about how we will combine both careers and childrearing.” Couples respond to each statement that they either agree, disagree or are uncertain.
They are encouraged to answer the confidential questions honestly, and are reminded it’s not a pass-fail test, but a guide to encourage in-depth sharing about their feelings and expectations. “Ultimately, you want to help them to explore their relationship and what it means to live a life of sacrificial love, modeled to us by Christ himself,” Bermpohl said
After both members of the couple fill out the questionnaire, which usually takes 45 minutes to an hour, their responses are compared and a personalized report is generated, highlighting areas of agreement, disagreement or uncertainty. This will serve as a guide to topics where couples might benefit from further discussion.
“Just because they agree doesn’t mean they don’t need to talk about an issue,” Bermpohl said. For example, couples may agree that they will share household chores after they begin their married life together, but they still need to discuss the practicalities of doing so.
Priests or deacons usually meet with couples in two to three sessions to facilitate conversations about the thoughts, differences and priorities the inventory brought to mind, and to actively engage both partners in the marriage preparation process.
Couples overwhelmingly find the process valuable, according to the inventory’s developers. They say the most common response is, “It helped us to talk about what we didn’t know we needed to talk about.”
“Our goal is to use the inventory to foster healthy, holy, happy marriages that last a lifetime,” Bermpohl said.
Find out more
arlingtondiocese.org/family-life/marriage/catholic-marriage-preparation
