Beth Ross and her husband, Dave, have five children. Their daughter, Kate, 21, has Down syndrome. Beth knows all about navigating her daughter’s local public high school. She’s sent Kate on a Christian sleepover camp for people with special needs. She’s familiar with Special Olympics and knows the work that goes into that. What she said was missing was “a place for folks to go to create friendships, have fun and have an opportunity to talk about Jesus.” So, she created that place.
Hearts Afire, which began in May, is a special needs social and faith group that meets monthly at All Saints Catholic School’s gym in Manassas.
“I never intended it to be this huge thing, just a simple little group,” Ross said. After three meetings, the most recent Oct. 6, the feedback has been encouraging. She’s been contacted by people from other parishes about starting a similar group. She’s got buy-in from the pastor, Father Lee Roos, the parish youth director, Rob Tessier, and the diocesan special needs coordinator, Nancy Emanuel.
Best of all, the participants — people with special needs ages 16 to 29 — are so excited to see each other and sure have a good time, Ross said. “I’m so happy that so many people are happy about it.”
They meet on the first Wednesdays of the month from 7 to 8:30 p.m. About 14 people showed up to the most recent meetings. The evening starts with everyone saying their name, then Ross leads them in a prayer. They are learning about virtues and this month, Ross focused on courage. She told the story of Daniel and the lion’s den. She explained how he had courage to go against the grain and do what was right, and God protected him.
“I get them to answer what they think (courage) means, so it’s not just me talking. I ask them to try something they have never tried before. That’s what courage is,” she said. She reminds them to keep trying and not worry about failing; just try something new.
Then an activity follows. Last month, it was indoor games of cornhole, basketball, ring toss and their own made-up games. October featured painting mini pumpkins. Most of all, Ross wants participants “to be able to talk and visit with each other and have a good time.”
She relies on the help of volunteers, whom she calls friends. “All they need to do is show up and be a friend. People are a little nervous if they’ve never been around people with special needs. We call them helpers, but they just need to be a friend.”
The goal is a one-to-one ratio between volunteers and participants, but Ross is not expecting that. Older adults come to help, as well as high school students including from Kate’s high school, and some from nearby parishes.
Attendees can have any disability, but Ross said they should be able to care for their own needs, including self-toileting, and want to be there. One young man came with his mother who helped him communicate through a board. No food is served, so no worries about allergies, but she does offer water and juice; apple cider was a hit.
“It’s beneficial for everyone,” Ross said. “It’s an opportunity for parents to have an hour and a half off. Parents don’t have to stay. We want parents to be able to go,” Ross said. “My daughter does way better when I’m not around. It’s a chance for them to gain a little independence and not have me hover.”
Ross knows how parents worry about leaving their children at events, but admitted, “Sometimes, you’re the one holding them back. Allow them to express their independence.”
Some parents stay around and read or chat. Ross said it’s a great opportunity for parents to make friends with other people with children with special needs.
“Sometimes as a parent you feel isolated from all your friends who don’t have children with special needs,” she said. The monthly event is a chance for parents to compare notes.
Ross relies on Special Blessings, a local Catholic support group for moms of children with special needs, to help spread the word about Hearts Afire. That support includes zoom meetings and in-person events. She values being able to talk to others who understand what she is going through and who offer support, advice and prayers.
When Ross reached out to the pastor and the parish, she chatted with Tessier. He told her that he’d been wanting to start a group like this.
Father Roos believes that, “For both the person with special needs and the volunteers who are with them, both learn that ‘it is in giving that we receive.’ ”
Now her plan is to expand it beyond the parish and beyond the faith. Ross hopes the group will draw from other parishes and the community for what she calls a “super chill” evening.
She has lots of plans for the future: a Facebook page, expanding the age for this group or starting another group for those age 30-45 so they can go out to dinner with helpers, go bowling — “different opportunities for different age groups.” Ross sees the need and sees this as an “opportunity to be with friends and go do something.”
The next couple meetings are planned: next month, a talent show; December, packaging items from a collection for hygiene items for Dr. Gil Irwin’s nearby Medical Missionaries in partnership, she hopes, with All Saints School.
“Nothing makes you feel better than to be around a group of special-needs people,” she said. “You just leave so happy, because they are so happy.”
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