In 1938, a young married couple in France asked their parish priest how they could grow in holiness through the sacrament of marriage. The inquiry prompted the couple, their married friends and Father Henri Caffarel to create what became an international Catholic lay movement called Teams of Our Lady. Today, thousands of couples in 90 countries, including more than 800 in the United States, are part of the group that helps couples grow closer to God and each other.
Each team, consisting of five to seven couples and, if possible, a priest as spiritual counselor, meets monthly for a meal together. They share the highs and lows of the past month, pray together and reflect on a reading assignment. Throughout the month, they commit to “endeavors” — reading the Scriptures, praying individually and as a family, and having an in-depth sit-down with their spouse. Once a year, they go on retreat.
The framework of Teams of Our Lady fosters growth spiritually, between the couple and as a community, said Jeremy and Sarah Greiner, parishioners of St. Rita Church in Alexandria. “It makes a much deeper connection than just getting together for a monthly happy hour or potluck dinner where you aren’t making yourself vulnerable the way that you do in Teams,” said Jeremy. “I’ve noticed that there’s a certain feeling I think that comes over both Sarah and me when we realize we can do this thing called marriage, and have God be part of our marriage. It happens basically at every meeting we go to. You get your spiritual vitamins.”
Usually, a new team is piloted by a more experienced Teams of Our Lady couple. The new couples commit to meeting for a year to see if the group is right for them. However, Deacon David McCaffrey and his wife, Carol, parishioners of St. Michael Church in Annandale, joined an existing team after one couple in the group moved away. Though they were decades into their marriage, the McCaffreys were intrigued by the organization after attending a day of reflection for married couples.
“It gives us a pattern for being faithful to marriage and to prayer and sharing with other people what we have learned, too,” said Carol. Deacon McCaffrey believes the meetings greatly benefit the priest chaplains, too. “Father Caffarel was very glad that he experienced marriage with Teams rather than (just) in the confessional,” he said.
Some of the more difficult but meaningful experiences they’ve had include accompanying a team member after the loss of their spouse. “We grow very close to knowing and loving the members of our team and so we’ve experienced the death of some very special people to us,” said Carol. “When you have such a close association, it’s very hard to say goodbye. The spouse left behind has close friends who know their spouse and we share the camaraderie and the empty seat.”
Shannon and Andrew Whitmore, parishioners of Sacred Heart of Jesus Church in Winchester, first got involved when their parochial vicar, Father Stephen M. Vaccaro, started a new team at the parish. “It was definitely on my heart to do something that would help us to grow as a couple,” said Shannon. “We were really looking for something — we have two small children — that would be couples-focused with the opportunity to have family events from time to time, but mostly focusing on the marriage.”
The endeavors they committed to have been very fruitful, said Shannon. “I love the fact that we are challenged to talk regularly and to have discussions on the faith as a couple. We’re held accountable for that because we discuss it regularly with the other couples,” she said. The community aspect also is helpful, especially recently when they faced an emotionally difficult decision, said Shannon.
“We don’t know if we can have more children, but we’ve kept all of our baby things hoping and expecting to have more,” she said. “But a few months ago, many refugees were coming into Washington, D.C., many pregnant and new mothers among them looking for all the necessities. Faced with that, we brought it to our team to discuss,” said Shannon. “They told us to (donate the items) with the caveat that if we were to suddenly find ourselves pregnant, the team would take it upon themselves to make sure we had everything we needed. Knowing I had their support and that they would help regardless of how the situation turned out, it was just a really significant moment in our marriage.”
“It was hard to let go because of the sentimental aspect — if we let go of these things are we giving up?” said Andrew. “But they helped us through it.”
With Teams of Our Lady, couples regularly have a community to turn to when they need help navigating family and faith life. “Even though marriage is a domestic church, we also need to be part of a bigger body, and I think it really helps to have that kind of support,” said Sarah Greiner. “There are people who know me and know my husband and know some of the struggles we have.”
