When Donghan Stan Lee arrived on the campus of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond in 2015, he wasn’t prepared.
“I was pretty shocked as a Korean person,” he said. “It was such immodesty with people wearing unusual stuff, and just pure chaos. But thankfully, my dorm was right next door to the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart.”
Deacon Lee, who moved with his family from South Korea to Centreville at age 11, was about to undergo the most profound spiritual transformation of his life. Already feeling isolated and alienated on the large urban campus, he was shattered when he learned of the death of his grandfather during his second semester.
“I had a huge depression,” he said. “There were multiple difficulties, like with friends and the stress of being away from home. I even sought out group therapy offered by the psychology department, but it only made me more depressed.”
A psychology major, Deacon Lee was introduced in class to the practice of Buddhist meditative prayer to cope with stress. He decided to give Christian meditation a try. “I went to the CCM (Catholic Campus Ministry) building and they had a little mini chapel,” he said. “So I just sat there, closed my eyes and did a meditation and that was the start of my prayer life. I was sad and isolated and just forced myself to visit the chapel.”
He soon realized that something powerful was happening greater than the “emptying out” that his professor taught. “I was doing it in front of the Blessed Sacrament,” he explained. “I emptied myself, but God filled me where I was empty. I was doing the secular thing, and Jesus fixed it.”
He smiles now when he thinks about God’s providence, and how his depression and the course of his life was changed by the time he spent in adoration. “I didn’t even know what it (adoration) was,” he said.
His confidence restored, Deacon Lee took a public speaking class and became an active parishioner at the cathedral. By his senior year, he was ready to go on a discernment retreat at San Damiano Retreat Center in White Post. “I was praying in adoration and I asked God if I was ready to enter seminary,” he said. “And at that moment, I just felt a consolation and a peace and happiness that I had never felt before. I almost even heard — ‘Yes.’ ”
Deacon Lee, 29, who attended Mount St. Mary’s Seminary in Emmitsburg, Md., exudes warmth and generosity as he talks about his dark night of the soul, his healing and the way God has prepared him to minister to those who are hurting.
“I think that depression gave me more understanding toward people who are going through similar problems,” he said. “If someone is acting rude or moody, they might be going through the same difficult times that I experienced. It would be nice to show them a little kindness, right?”
On the verge of his ordination, he confesses some fear. “It is exciting but also frightening because of the responsibility that goes with being in charge of many souls,” said Deacon Lee, who will serve as parochial vicar of St. Mary of the Immaculate Conception Church in Fredericksburg. “But I also trust that God will provide everything that I need.”
